Page 11 of Guarded By the SEAL
Petra’s expression softens. I can see gratitude in her eyes, and I have to admit there is something magnetic about that look. She damn near pulls me in with it. I kinda want to lean forward and reach out for a hug, but I force myself to resist. I really don’t think that we are in touching one another territory yet. Even if I did pick her up to carry her inside. This is different.
9
PETRA
“Sorry,” I say as I realize how silly I sound blurting everything out like that. I already know that Harry thinks I’m a spoiled brat who doesn’t know anything about real life, which I guess is fair considering how I have acted through all of this, so going on like I have and allowing myself to be vulnerable in front of him isn’t my smartest choice. “I didn’t mean to go off again.”
I wipe the tears away in a hurry and force a smile on my face. I want Harry to know that I’m trying to come to him in peace now because I just don’t want to argue anymore. It isn’t helpful at all. But he doesn’t smile back at me. Instead, he gives me a little bit of a look like he doesn’t quite know what to say to me. Perhaps this has come from the joke I made about being forced to trust him. That might not have been wise, thinking about it now. It’s all well and good, turning things humorous when we are on good terms, but that isn’t exactly the case at the moment. I don’t think he knows how to take me.
“I’m being silly,” I continue, really trying to shatter the tension hanging thick in the air. “You are here to protect me, for whichI’m really grateful, but that doesn’t mean you need to listen to me moan. In fact, let me make the lunch to make up for it. What did you want in your sandwich?—”
But this plan comes to a rapid halt as the pain from my leg shoots through me. I forgot in all the mania that I fell and damaged my knee. I can’t stand up anytime soon if I want it to get better.
“Let me do it,” Harry insists. “You stay here and keep that ice on your leg. I don’t mind looking after you in whatever way that takes, whether it means your leg or giving you someone to talk to.”
I watch him as he hurries around in the kitchen, seeing him in a brand-new way. I suspected that there was a softer side to him, but this is the first time I can really feel it surging through me. Maybe he doesn’t show it much because of his Navy SEAL background, but there is a depth to him.
I wonder how deep that runs. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be given the opportunity to see that in him, but I don’t know if I’m going to get a better chance than right now. We’re having a nice conversation. I have opened up and been honest with him. It would be good for him to do the same. I don’t hold out much hope that he will, but it’s worth a try. I can’t stop myself, anyway. The question rolls out of my mouth.
“So, earlier, you mentioned plenty of people making a mistake in love.” I start, suddenly realizing that my heart is in my mouth. I’m more nervous than I thought I would be about asking. “Have you?”
“Hmm?” He doesn’t seem to pay me much attention, but then I don’t need to repeat myself. I think he might just be taking amoment to work out how he will answer me. “Yes, I have. Big mistakes.”
He brings the sandwiches over and sits with me while clearly stewing on his thoughts. I don’t push him because I have a feeling that he doesn’t work that way, and soon enough, he spills the beans.
“I was married as well to someone I thought I knew, but I didn’t,” he finally begins. The nerves amp up so much as he talks that I can’t even bring myself to eat a bite. I just know this is going to be bad, I can feel it. I almost don’t want to know, but of course, I do because I don’t want to be alone in this bad place where I’ve been fooled by someone I thought loved me. I suppose misery loves company. “I thought I had it all, to be honest. People told me not to get married so young, but I didn’t care. I was in love and she loved me… or so I thought.” He laughs, but it’s a mirthless sound. I can’t even breathe. “I had the house, the career, the wife, and a child as well.” My head nearly explodes.This man is a father. “But I lost it all.”
“How.” I gulp noisily. “How did that happen? I mean, don’t tell me if you don’t want to.”
I don’t think that Harry is the sort of person to open up easily. He doesn’t seem like he ever lets his walls down, yet for some reason, he is doing so for me. It might be because I’m honored, or perhaps to make me feel less silly about my own mess. It might even be so I will trust him. Whatever it is, I’m touched.
“I got injured. Badly,” he continues. “So badly that I couldn’t continue with what I was doing. It was a difficult and dark time for me, trying to start over again. I came back home to find my warm and loving wife had turned cold to me. I thought that I was to blame at the time. I assumed she didn’t like having mearound because I was hurting and not the man I used to be. So, I fought. I battled with myself, I dragged myself out of the pit of depression that I sank into. I did everything that I could to make myself better, and I got this job as well. I made sure that I was the man my wife needed to be and my child needed me to be.”
He falls into silence, and as much as I’m desperate to find out how this horrible tale ends, I don’t say anything. I’m too scared. This is honestly pretty awful. It does help me to see that while I am in a terrible place right now, other people have been through their own shit and survived it.
“But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough because as it turned out, my wife had a whole other life when I was away at work. She had another man whom she had been with for years. She only stayed with me because I could offer her a lot more stability than him. She got a house and a comfortable life because of me and what I could give her. She must have loved him more, though, because she never gave him up.” He hangs his head low and sighs as the dreadful memories overcome him. “I found them together, and on the same night in the argument that followed, I found out that my child wasn’t even mine.”
I gasp loudly. I can’t keep my reaction inside. What the fuck? This is awful. It actually leaves a pain in my chest to imagine going through anything like that. Harry didn’t just dedicate his life and heart to his wife but his child as well, and he’d lost it all. It was ripped away from him, all in one moment.
Talk about having the foundation of your life whipped away! He really did go through that too. Now I can start to see why he’s as blunt and sharp as he is. That would affect anyone.
“So, anyway, I got evidence. I did a DNA test,” Harry continues. “I didn’t want to just believe something that was yelled at me inthe heat of the moment, but it turned out that she was telling the truth. I no longer had a wife, and I didn’t have a child anymore, either. It was… you know, a lot. The divorce was brutal.”
My stomach twists up in knots. I haven’t even thought about divorce. That’s something I will have to go through myself, but at least it won’t involve children. For that I can be grateful. It will be awful, but I can get through it if I keep this terrible story in mind. If Harry can survive this, then I can do it too.
“Wow, that’s awful. I’m so sorry to hear all of that,” I declare, not really sure what I can say. “That must have hurt you a lot. I’m sorry to hear that you went through something so terrible.”
“Yeah, well, we can all get through anything if we put our minds to it. We just have to keep going.”
He makes a sweeping forward gesture, and I watch where he has pointed off toward. The future, I suppose. I need to think about that direction and what it will look like. Maybe not now because my head is still spinning. I might have had the rug pulled out from underneath me, but I’m taking time to adjust. I don’t think Harry got any of that. It was all just taken from him and he was left out in the cold.
“Anyway, do you want another drink?” He smiles softly at me. “Hot drink? Cold drink?”
I nod and let him know that I would like something cold. I don’t tell him I’m burning up all over and I need to be cooled down. I don’t want him to know that I’m all hot and bothered because of him. I don’t know why, exactly. I can’t explain it, but looking at him now makes me feel something strange.
Maybe it’s because we have a connection now. We share a bond. We have both been through a traumatic situation which hasburned us to the core. It’s one that is hard to come back from. I thought that I was alone in all of this. I didn’t think that anyone could understand me, but Harry can.
“Thank you,” I whisper as I take the drink from him. Our fingers graze against one another. A shock of electricity bursts through me as we touch, which almost makes me leap backward. I can’t understand it. Harry and I have kind of touched one another before, but this is different. So different.
