Page 35 of The Master
Twenty-Four
Ashlee
I woke in the dark,disoriented and unsettled. The first made sense since I was in a strange bed and I wasn’t alone. As soon as I thought it, though, I remembered where I was and who was with me. Neither of those things, however, contributed to my being unsettled. Maybe I’d been dreaming and simply didn’t remember. That wasn’t too far-fetched.
When I was stressed, I often had vivid and intense dreams that eventually drove me to wakefulness but then dissipated so quickly that I couldn’t recall anything more than a general feeling. Compared to Mona leaving and Mom’s cancer, my recent circumstances weren’t much of anything, but they had their own stressors, not the least of which was the fact that everything about this experience was new to me. When it came to Nate, I felt more out of my depth than I ever had with anything in the past.
Thinking about him made me look over. I could barely make him out next to me, but the arm he’d flung over my waist told me he was laying on his stomach. In the silence, I could hear his deep, even breathing, and I smiled. I loved that he felt safe enough to be so unguarded with me.
Now that I was completely awake, my entire body ached in a way that I didn’t entirely mind. He’d been rough with me, but I hadn’t doubted for a second that I could trust him. And the orgasms he’d given me…damn. I’d actually passed out at the end, barely aware that he’d come again before everything went dark. I’d woken up in the club’s bed then, Nate cleaning me off with a warm washcloth.
I finally looked at the clock, its glowing red numbers telling me that it was still early. The sun was probably up outside, but it was the middle of May, which meant dawn didn’t necessarily equal a reasonable time to be awake. Still, I knew I wouldn’t be getting back to sleep any time soon. Nate had gotten me out of my head long enough yesterday for me to relax and be able to fall asleep, but now I didn’t have anything to keep my busy little brain from buzzing.
Instead of spending the next couple hours, or however long it took Nate to wake up, staring at the ceiling while thoughts swirled in my head, faster and faster until I went crazy, I decided to get up. Thanks to the stop at my apartment after work yesterday, I wore my own comfy pajamas, but I was chilly enough that I picked up Nate’s robe from where I’d left it after my shower last night. It was huge on me, but the fabric was soft, plus it smelled like him.
A few security lights placed throughout the house kept the place from being pitch black and allowed me to move without having to turn anything on. I wouldn’t have minded Nate being up with me, but I didn’t want to wake him. He could use the sleep, whether he’d admit it or not. The amount of stress he had to be under…just thinking about it made me angry. He’d done a lot of things in his past that I didn’t agree with, but the one thing I never doubted was that he’d been up-front with Calah and Roma from the first. And Flora’s behavior was simply reprehensible. I’d never been inclined to violence, but those three women brought it out in me.
I ended up in the living room but didn’t feel like sitting. At least, this time, I knew I wouldn’t stumble onto anything that would blow up in my face. I didn’t even check the cabinet under the television to see if he’d moved the DVDs as he’d promised. I believed him, and even if he never knew I peeked, I would know.
Hints of a sunrise gleamed through a small gap in the blinds that covered the massive windows, and for the first time, I realized how quiet it was here. My apartment didn’t exactly have thin walls, and I’d grown up in a fairly calm neighborhood, but the sounds of the city had always been there. A hum, an undercurrent. Like a movie score not consciously acknowledged but whose absence was noticed.
I wasn’t surprised that Nate’s penthouse was essentially sound-proofed. Even without his sexual proclivities, someone with his position would want a place that was already set up to keep the outside world from intruding. Given what was happening in our lives at the moment, I was grateful for it, even if the silence meant it was harder to drown out the thoughts.
Nate’s robe snagged on the corner of the end table, and as I reached down to pull it loose, the folded paper on top caught my eye. I reached for it, my stomach flipping as I picked it up. The light was dim enough that the words were difficult to make out, but I’d read it enough times on the ride from my apartment to here that I had it memorized.
I regretted that now. Almost as much as I regretted bringing it to Nate in the first place. The contents made me sick to my stomach, but it wasn’t like the writer had threatened me. I wasn’t stupid. There was no demand, no warning. It wasn’t blackmail or intimidation. Those would’ve made the letter criminal, and I would’ve gotten the police involved. Calling me names and trying to degrade me based on the things Nate and I did wasn’t pleasant, but I doubted there was any legal recourse.
The things this person said made me wonder, though. Had they simply been guessing at sexual acts based on Nate’s reputation or what they themselves thought was shameful? Or had they, like Calah and Roma, known from experience the sorts of things Nate liked to do?
Not for the first time, I wondered if they could be behind it, the three women who were causing us so much trouble. Except I would think that Nate would know their handwriting. Maybe not Flora’s, but I’d seen enough of her inter-office memos to know that she hadn’t written the letter either. I supposed whoever it was could have altered their style, but my gut said it was too neat to not be natural.
The impulse to throw the letter away was strong, but Nate said he would have people look into it, which meant it was on his radar now. If I got rid of it, he’d want to know why. Besides, it wasn’t only my life that was being fucked with. Whoever had left it had made it about both of us, which meant he had as much of a right to decide what to do with it as I did. Then there was the fact that this wasn’t simply about someone saying nasty things. They hadn’t even just stopped at mailing me a letter. They’d taken the time to come to my apartment and slip the note under the door. I had no way of knowing if they’d knocked first. For all I knew right now, if I’d have been home and answered the door, they could have hurt me. I wondered if the personal delivery would change the legality of it.
I dropped it back on the end table and moved toward the hall. The library seemed like the best place for me to lose myself until Nate woke up. I’d yet to explore it completely.
The glass case was one place in particular that I kept meaning to explore. The leather-bound volumes had caught my eye before, but I hadn’t taken a closer look until now. A few were ones I expected likeA Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court, Macbeth,andGreat Expectations, but others were a bit more surprising. A collection ofGrimm’s Fairy Tales.Pride and Prejudice. The Canterbury Tales. Paradise Lost.Non-fiction books about Abraham Lincoln, Alexander Hamilton, and Clara Bow. A collection of Robert Frost’s poetry.
Then I dropped my gaze lower and found hardcovers that weren’t leather-bound but that I felt certain were first editions. These ones made me smile, especially since the first set was the entireHarry Potterseries, including what appeared to be a first edition of the British version. All of Stephen King’sDark Towerseries.The Lord of the Ringstrilogy, plusThe Hobbit. Philip K. Dick’sDo Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
I hadn’t realized Nate liked fantastical literature enough to collect these specific first editions, but as I moved to his regular bookcases, I saw what I’d missed before. Isaac Asimov. Dean Koontz. HG Wells. Jules Verne. Jack Finney. HP Lovecraft.
I’d always considered myself a reader, even though I didn’t get to read as much as I would’ve liked, but I’d never had the opportunity to own even a quarter of what Nate had here. And this definitely wasn’t the kind of library where the books were only for show.
Even if someone took care of the books they read, opening a book and settling in to enjoy it left its mark, and I could see it all over these volumes. Most of the paperbacks had cracked spines and dog-eared pages, and I even saw a couple that looked like they were being held together with tape.
A book at the end of one shelf caught my eye, and I picked it up.Gulliver’s Travels. Although I had a vague idea about the story – something about a guy landing on an island where everyone’s tiny – I’d never actually read it. Now seemed as good a time as any to try it out.
Everything around me faded as I immersed myself in this new world. The room lightened as the sun rose, a bright sliver of light sneaking in from the small gap between the curtains. I didn’t hear Nate approach until he was at my side, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.
“Good morning,” he said.
“Morning.” I smiled up at him.
He gestured to the book. “You’ve been up a while?”
“My head was too busy,” I said as I set aside the book. “Reading helped.”
He held out his hand, and I took it, a pleasant shiver moving across my skin as he helped me up. “You could’ve woken me.”
