He clasped his hands behind his head and I prepared for a big announcement.
‘Okay. I changed the house for the same reason I didn’t sell The Bothy straightaway. I kept hoping that one day you’d come back and we’d live in our dream home together, like we’d always planned. I felt like I’d let you down in our marriage so there was no way I was going to let you down with our home. When you came back, I wanted you to be able to drink from your favourite mug.’
I placed my hand over my necklace, tears pricking my eyes.
‘As for Edgar, they say elephants never forget so I kept him on your side of the bed to make sure I never forgot about us. Something horrendous happened and it broke us but there were twenty-two and a half years before that which were amazing and Edgar was there right from the very first moment. I hoped he’d be there for a second chance too because I never stopped loving you.’
I stared at him through watery eyes, stunned at the beautiful things he was saying and how romantic it all was.
He stiffened when I didn’t respond and grabbed the plates as he stood up. ‘I know that’s a lot to take in but I’ve never lied to you and I never will.’
I sat there for a moment, letting it all sink in. If he could be that honest with me, I could be with him. I followed him inside where he was loading the dishwasher noisily.
‘You have so many amazing qualities,’ I said. ‘You’re always kind, calm and thoughtful, even towards those who don’t necessarily deserve it.’
He continued loading the dishwasher, but quietly, and I could imagine him wondering where this was going.
‘You’re passionate, romantic, funny, honest… I could keep going if you want.’
He straightened up and leaned against the worktop, arms folded but expression open.
‘I manage all those things at work. Well, maybe not the romance part…’ I rolled my eyes at him and drew a smile at that. ‘For some reason I struggle with several of those traits outside of work. Although my outburst in the cellar might suggest otherwise, I have got much better at being calm, but I’m still really struggling with honesty. It’s not that I lie. It’s more that I keep things in when they’re hard. I’ve done that a lot since Noah died and it has to stop. In the cellar, you asked me why it ended with Graeme and I said we wanted different things. Truth. But with a major omission. The different thing I wanted was you.’
Flynn’s eyes lit up for a moment but he didn’t shift position and I knew I’d need to work hard to convince him.
I pointed towards his wedding band. ‘There’s a reason I had the infinity symbol engraved on your ring. It’s because I knew my love for you would last forever and it has, but I didn’t think there was any way you could possibly feel the same about me after how I behaved. I destroyed us. I didn’t deserve a second chance.’
‘You were ill.’
‘I didn’t know that at the time. I thought what I was doing was normal and everyone else was being weird. There’s something else.’ I reached into the neckline of my T-shirt and lifted out my eternity ring on its chain. ‘You’re not the only one who couldn’t take your ring off. I’ve kept this one on a chain next to my heart all this time.’
He unfolded his arms, his expression tender.
‘Since I got back I’ve been thinking a lot about us,’ I said. ‘I’ve thought about the big moments like when we met and your proposal on Blencathra, but also the little things that meant the world to me like how you hugged me tightly every time you came home, how you always waited up for me if I needed to work late, how you said goodnight to Edgar before we went to sleep.’
His cheeks coloured and he smiled ruefully. ‘I probably shouldn’t admit it, but I still do that.’
‘Admit away. It’s lovely because you’re lovely. Mum asked me why I’d split up with Graeme and I fobbed her off with the same excuse I gave you – we wanted different things – but she called me out on it. She said the different thing I wanted was you because you were my magnet. I didn’t know what she meant at the time but I know now that it’s the person who draws you back because you were always meant to be with them. Youaremy magnet, Flynn. It’s always been you but I’m scared. So scared. Saying we never stopped loving each other is the easy part. What if we try again but we’ve changed too much? What if we can’t get over what happened in the past? What if?—’
I stopped as Flynn gently placed his hands on my cheeks. ‘What if you just shut up and let me kiss you?’
I nodded and closed my eyes as his lips brushed against mine, sending a pulse of excitement rushing through my whole body.
‘What if you stop overthinking?’ he added.
He kissed me again, slowly and softly.
‘And what if we accept that we don’t have the answers but we find them out together this time?’ He brushed his thumbs across my cheeks. ‘I know it’s a lot and we’ve been apart a long time but I know my feelings for you are never going to change. I’ve always been and always will be in this forever.’
As I melted into his kiss, I knew why this place felt like home. It wasn’t because I’d designed it or because I recognised ornaments and paintings from The Bothy or because he’d made my coffee in my favourite mug. It was because Flynn was here. Beautiful as it was, we’d never needed this dream home – we’d just needed each other.
43
A week later it was time to break ground at the boat house. Flynn had rearranged his schedule to make sure he could be there on what was a special day for all of us. For Oliver and Rosie, it symbolised the start of an exciting new era for the beautiful estate through which they’d been reunited. For Alice, it represented a rise from the ashes and the power to take something broken and make it beautiful again. The words she’d said to me the first time I’d seen the boat house still resonated with me –Even the things that seem the most broken can be fixed with enough time, love and will.At the time she’d added,A bit like me, but it was my truth too.
Alice and I had taken another walk up Cat Bells with the dogs last week. We’d had a wonderful heart to heart in which I’d told her all about Noah and Flynn. I’d thanked her for sharing her experiences with me because what she’d been through and what she’d learned from it had helped me immensely. I’d reminded her what she’d said about the broken pieces and shared how returning to Willowdale had helped pull mine back together.
‘I’ll never be fully intact,’ I told her. ‘It’s not possible without Noah, but I now feel like there are enough pieces to restore me to the point where I can see the sunshine after the rain.’
