‘Oh, my God! Stop!’
We sat in silence for a couple more minutes until Georgia shivered from head to foot and clambered down from the picnic bench. ‘I need warmth. You must too. Come inside and have a drink with me.’
‘I might just say goodbye and drive home.’
‘No, Mel, don’t go. Stay at mine tonight as planned. In fact, stay longer. Join us for Sunday lunch tomorrow. It’ll be less chaotic.’
I hesitated, torn between the desire to run and the knowledge that the only thing awaiting me on the other side of the country was loneliness.
‘Who’s coming?’
‘Just the immediate family, although Regan and Clarke need to eat and shoot. They’re preparing for a big auction next week so it’ll be lively while we eat and calm once they’re gone. You’ll be able to talk to Mum and Dad properly then.’
‘I’m not sure they’ll want me there. Only family member not name-checked in Mum’s speech.’
She grimaced. ‘I was hoping you hadn’t noticed that. Please don’t hold it against Mum. It won’t have been deliberate. She was looking forward to seeing you today.’
‘So much that she didn’t speak to me all afternoon.’ I sighed as I slipped down from the bench. ‘I had a longer conversation with the young lass serving behind the bar than I did with my own mother on her eightieth birthday. And it’s not like I didn’t try. I shuffled along the table several times, but…’ I shook my head. ‘Never mind. I brought it on myself. Come on. Let’s get you inside before you turn blue.’
We crossed the road and entered Lakeside Inn’s car park. Passing my car, I had to fight hard against the temptation to slip my hand inside my bag, retrieve my car keys and get out of here. At least the party was almost over. Even though Mum was in her element at gatherings like this, after five hours of pretty much non-stop chatter I knew she’d be ready to return to Derwent Rise, get out of her party clothes and switch off. There was therefore no danger of the evening continuing back at theirs. I could do this!
It was 4.50p.m. by the time we returned to the conservatory and there’d been a mass exodus. A few members of staff were clearing tables and another one was handing over a large cardboard box to Dad, presumably containing what was left of Mum’s birthday cake. Mum had changed tables and was now sitting with Auntie Sue. Their cousins had either left or moved into the bar and they’d been joined by a few of Mum’s friends from the village who had full glasses of drink as though they were settled in for the evening. The rest of the guests were clearly preparing to leave, downing the last of their drinks or pulling on coats, ready to brave the elements.
‘Youarestill here!’ Mum exclaimed. ‘I haven’t seen you in ages. Sue and I thought you must have left.’
I could imagine how that conversation had gone –She never sticks around, Sue. Always cancelling or rushing off.And if it had gone like that, I deserved it.
‘I wouldn’t go without saying goodbye.’ I pulled out a chair and sat down beside her. ‘Have you enjoyed your day?’
She smiled at me. ‘It’s been wonderful. I think I managed to speak to most people, although it’s not easy when you’ve got so many guests and don’t want to offend anyone.’
The intense way she held my gaze made me wonder if there was an apology in there somewhere. I’d like to think there was. I’d found so much about today really tough and not being able to engage my own mum in conversation had been hurtful. But it was her special day, she’d enjoyed it, and that was the important thing here.
‘That’s what you get for being so popular,’ I said, smiling back at her.
‘Are you heading back to Newcastle tonight?’ Auntie Sue asked.
‘I haven’t had anything to drink so…’ I was about to sayI might as well, but I caught Mum’s expression. She looked sad. All day I’d been very aware of feeling on the outside of my family and out of date with what was going on, particularly with regards to Mum’s health, and leaving tonight wasn’t going to change that. But if I stuck around tomorrow, I could find out. It couldn’t be any harder than today had been.
‘…I could go back,’ I continued, ‘but I told Georgia I’d stay at hers and that’s what I’m doing. In fact, she’s invited me to stay for lunch tomorrow so I’m doing that, assuming that’s okay with you, Mum.’
Mum’s expressions always revealed what she was thinking and that revelation had definitely taken her by surprise. Made two of us!
‘Oh! Yes, of course!’ she gushed. ‘It’ll be lovely to spend some time with you. I wanted to talk to you earlier but people kept appearing.’
‘I know. It’s all right. As I say, that’s what you get for being so popular. Everyone wants a piece of you so I’m sticking around to get my time with you.’
I didn’t want to prolong my stay but I needed to. I used to be so close to my parents but it felt like there was a wall between us now and only I could bring it down. I was worried about Mum and wanted to know what was really going on with her health and the only way anyone was going to give me the full story was if I put in more effort to be part of this family. The only problem was that getting my relationship with my parents back on track meant I needed to spend a lot more time in Willowdale. Doing so might fix things with them, but at what cost? Might it break me even more?
4
‘Home time, I think,’ Mum announced shortly after. ‘It’s been lovely but I’m ready for a rest now.’
Georgia fetched Mum’s coat and scarf and, after Mum said her goodbyes, helped her into it. Mark was the designated driver and offered to drive her the exceptionally short distance to Derwent Rise but Mum insisted on walking, saying she’d spent nearly all afternoon stuck indoors on her backside and was craving some fresh air and exercise. She might well have craved it but her body didn’t. My stomach churned as I watched her shuffle slowly across the car park, over the road and along the path to the bottom of Derwent Rise’s drive. It struck me how small and frail she looked sandwiched between Dad and Mark. The three of them paused for quite some time before setting off up the drive.
‘I wish she’d accepted the lift from Mark,’ I muttered to Georgia.
‘Me too, but it must be hard losing your independence like that.’
