I made it out of Willowdale and even took the turning towards Whinlatter Forest but the fire had fizzled out by then. I stopped the car by the side of the road and put my hazards on as I dropped my head to my chest. I couldn’t do it. Even though I knew Flynn had sold The Bothy so wouldn’t be there, and even though Noah’s bedroom had been at the back of the house so I wouldn’t be able to see into it, it was still too much.
Several cars passed me and a couple of the drivers beeped their horns. I was in the way and at risk of causing an accident so I pulled away, turned the car round as soon as I could safely do so, and returned to Willowdale Hall.
Alice had said it had been difficult to visit the boat house at first. Iwouldgo back to The Bothy one day but it was far too soon to attempt it now. What I needed to focus on was the reason behind my decision to return to Willowdale in the first place – spending time with my parents, particularly my mum. They’d be returning from their holiday this afternoon and we’d all been invited to Georgia’s for Sunday lunch tomorrow. Should I go all formal with a declaration ofwe need to talkor should I go for the more casual approach:I don’t suppose you’re around one morning this week for a cuppa and a catch-up?Maybe it was better to play it by ear depending on how they reacted around me. I was glad we were meeting at Georgia’s house rather than Mum and Dad’s. Neutral territory would be better for initiating the peace process. Although my parents weren’t the only ones with whom I needed to make peace. Georgia had messaged and called several times following my unexpected encounter with Flynn before quiz night. I’d responded to her messages, reassuring her I was fine, but I hadn’t spoken to her and I knew she’d be annoyed with me about that. I was annoyed with me. None of this was Georgia’s fault. Or Flynn’s. As with everything that had happened after Noah died, this was all on me.
17
Georgia had asked everyone to be at hers for noon so I turned up at ten with a large bouquet of flowers as well as the usualthanks for lunchbottle of wine.
‘What are these for?’ she asked as I followed her into the kitchen. ‘And why are you so early?’
‘Same answer for both questions – to apologise for ignoring your messages.’
‘So you were ignoring me. I knew it!’ She gave me a stern look. ‘You do realise your punishment will be to eat all your broccoli.’
‘No! Anything but that!’
‘I don’t get what it is with you and broccoli.’
‘It’s the texture. It’s like having a mouthful of tiny trees.’ I shuddered at the thought. ‘I’ll have a double portion of cauliflower. Just don’t make me eat the trees.’
She laughed. ‘Fifty-two years old and still a child.’
I stuck out my tongue.
‘And the only reason you’re offering to eat double cauliflower is because it’s cauliflower cheese so only part-vegetable.’
I grinned at her. ‘Guilty.’
She reached a vase down from the top of a cupboard and filled it with water then unwrapped the flowers and started snipping off the stem ends.
‘I know you don’t want to talk about him, but you know I’m going to ask anyway. How was it seeing him again?’
‘I don’t know. For a moment, I was transported back thirty years to the night of my twenty-third birthday.’
She put the scissors down and held my gaze, a smile playing on her lips. ‘The night the two of you met.’
‘Yes.’
‘The night you fell in love.’
I raised my eyebrows at her, patently aware of where this was heading.
‘The night you knew you’d met the person you’d be with forever and ever till death do you part.’ She winced, presumably registering the inappropriateness of her words. It was, after all, death that had parted us – just not each other’s.
‘Sorry. That was careless of me.’
‘It’s okay.’
I gave her a weak smile and she sighed as she picked up the scissors once more and continued snipping. I could sense her brain working overtime connecting the dots in the conversation we’d just had.
‘I remember that night well. Your expression every time you looked over at him, it was as though you were…’ She frowned, evidently searching for the right word. ‘Enchanted. That’s it! You were enchanted by him.’
‘I was.’
‘So, if on Thursday you found yourself transported back to the night you met, does that mean you still have feelings for him?’
Georgia was too clever for her own good. I shrugged. ‘I don’t know what I feel anymore. About him. About anything.’
