‘Oh, my God! No! What was he thinking?’
I sighed heavily, shaking my head. ‘Exactly.’
‘I’m so sorry, Mel.’ She grimaced. ‘That’s shocking timing. Did you have any idea it was coming?’
‘Not a clue. I don’t know what possessed him. I’d never expressed any desire to get married again and we certainly hadn’t talked about a long-term future together.’
Georgia wrinkled her nose. ‘But you were moving in with him. Wouldn’t that suggest long-term?’
‘Moving in was meant to be a practical thing and temporary. I thought I’d told you that.’
When Georgia shook her head and looked at me blankly, I continued.
‘The heating’s knackered and the kitchen’s falling apart so the landlord’s getting his team in to do a big refurb next month. In theory, I could stay at the flat and have them work round me but it’ll be too noisy to work – not to mention the mess. He offered to put me up in a B&B but that’s no good either. I need a big room with natural light and you know how much I like peace and quiet when I’m working. So Graeme suggested I stay at his, which would have been perfect if he hadn’t stupidly taken my acceptance of his kind offer as some sort of commitment to spending the rest of my life with him.’
‘Not good. Urgh! I can’t believe he proposed to you while you were away. I’d have credited him with more sensitivity than that.’
‘Me too. You can probably imagine my reaction. What was even worse was that he didn’t get why I was so annoyed.’
‘You’re kidding!’
‘Apparently he’d have expected a negative reaction if he’d proposed on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day but he couldn’t see why the thirtieth was an issue.’
Georgia winced again. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Me too. I still can’t get my head around why he did it. I liked Graeme but that’s not the same as being in love with someone. I’d never told him I loved him and he’d never said it to me either. If he had, we’d have had a serious conversation a long time ago and it would have been over then. Asking me to marry him was left field enough, but asking me while we were away just beggars belief. Heknowswhy I go away for Christmas and New Year. Heknowshow difficult that time of year is for me. What would possess him to think that proposing then would be a good idea?’
I shook my head, reliving the excruciating moment when it happened. We’d had a delicious evening meal and were walking back to our room. The swimming pools were lit by pretty spotlights and surrounded by beautiful plants and water features and it looked really romantic. I’d made a passing comment about that and, next moment, Graeme dipped down onto one knee and whipped out a ring.
‘Did you actually split up while you were away?’ Georgia asked.
‘Yeah. I tried to let him down lightly, saying I wasn’t ready for marriage but he managed to add a bigyetto the end of that. He was full of reassurances that there was no rush to set a date and I knew there and then that it had to be the end for us. There wouldneverbe a good time to set a date because I didn’t want to marry him and never would. I could never give him what he wanted or what he deserved and he could never be right for me because proposing when he did showed how little he understood me.’
‘You said he didn’t take it well,’ Georgia prompted.
‘He was okay with me in St Lucia. He was embarrassed but managed to make a joke out of being relieved that he hadn’t been brave enough to propose in the restaurant in front of everyone like he’d originally intended. He moved into another room and we still spent time together. It was a little strained but I did think we might manage to salvage some sort of friendship. We got home, had some time apart, and arranged for him to come round on Friday night to collect his things and it was awful. He was in a really argumentative mood and demanded to know why I’d said no. I was as gentle as I could with him but I mentioned the inappropriateness of the date and he just didn’t get it. He told me I’d led him on, wasted his time, ruined his life. Nice stuff like that.’
Cold-heartedandfrigid bitchhad been thrown in for good measure. That hurt. It wasn’t true, but I could see why he’d said those things. I’d held him at a distance, showed affection but not love, kept things from him.
‘I’m sorry you’ve been through all that. Bet you wish you could have spent yesterday curled up in bed eating chocolate instead of feeling like an outsider at Mum’s birthday party.’
‘I never said I felt like an outsider.’
‘Your mouth might not have but your eyes did. The smiles and polite conversation didn’t fool me. You looked lost.’
Lost. It was the perfect word for how I felt right now. How I’d felt for the past seven years. I was fifty-two. I should have everything sussed by now but I’d never felt less in control of my life.
‘I haven’t been burying my head in the sand,’ I said, referencing our earlier conversation outside The White Willow.
‘I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘No, it’s fine. I can see why you would. But you were right about the other part. Ididrun away to Newcastle. I had to. You do understand why, don’t you?’
She gently placed her hand on my forearm. ‘You know I do, and I think it probably was the right thing for you at the time. It’s just that…’ She paused and sighed, shaking her head. ‘…I’m not convinced it’s right for you anymore, especially now that you’ve split up with Graeme. How about taking that as a sign that it’s time to come home?’
I placed my hand over hers. ‘I’ve been thinking about it all day, but I’m not convinced I can do it.’
She nodded vigorously, eyes wide. ‘You can! I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but I’ll be here for you. You’ve got so many people here who love you and want to see more of you. Please come back to us.’
