“What is?” I place my head on my hand, giving him my full attention.
“Acting like you’re no more than a friend to me. You’re so much more than that. Every single day it gets harder to pretend that you’re just a friend,” he says, keeping his voice low to keep anyone from hearing. Guilt shoves its way into my chest.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s my fault we’re keeping this a secret. I’m just really scared of how it will affect things.”
“I know. You don’t need to be sorry. I understand why you want to hold off. I just really wish I could kiss you when I want to kiss you.” He leans toward me, peeking over my shoulder. A grin creeps up on my cheeks as I look around to be sure no one is around.
“You can kiss me now,” I say, leaning in, further closing the gap between us. He makes the final stride to close it and brings his lips to mine. The magic never wears off. The kiss feels like fireworks and doves being let free. I pull away and look around to be sure no one has come out. They haven’t though. We have somehow found a moment to ourselves in the middle of a 4th of July party. I know I have Katrina to thank for having Ares occupied.
When I finally go back to the pool deck, I find Ravyn is still asleep on the lounger in her swimsuit and Ares is gawking at Katrina while she talks to his mom.
The smile on Allison’s face tells me Katrina is as nice as she is pretty. Allison is the type of person who won’t even fake a smile for someone. If she doesn’t like you, you’ll know and so will everyone else.
A little voice in my head tells me Ares is too busy for me and that I should just go back out under the house with Roman. Then I consider the fact that the little voice might be the reason I feel like I don’t fit in. Because it’s always telling me to stand out, to stay back, or to stay away. So for once instead of listening, I go up to the top deck where Ares and Katrina are and push myself into the conversation. Partially because I feel like it’s what I should do but mostly because it’s what I would have done before all of this. I introduce myself formally to Katrina, and we spend the next couple of hours making fun of Ares together and laughing with whoever is around at the moment.
After all is said and done and everyone is in bed, I feel at peace and like my cup is overflowing with love. There were no ‘buts’ or ‘ifs’ about it this time. It was just a great day with my favorite people.
Chapter22
Roman
It feelslike I’ve never been on a date before the way my heart races and sweat prickles at the base of my scalp. I put on a pair of navy blue shorts with a matching cream and navy blue striped button up. I spend a full five minutes buttoning and unbuttoning the third button, trying to decide which way she would like it best. The sound of my mom clearing her throat in the doorway breaks my attention. I look over and she’s leaned up against the door frame wearing a proud smile.
“Hot date?” she asks with a knowing smile.
“The hottest.” I play it off like a joke but really, this is the most important date I’ve ever been on.
“Where are you taking her?” she asks, stepping in the room and sitting on my bed. We both know she’s talking about Audra but neither of us say her name.
“I’m taking her to Driftwood in Charleston.” Mom’s eyebrows pop up in surprise.
“Definitely buttoned. That place is pretty fancy, you’re really going all out, huh?”
“I want to make sure I don’t mess this up,” I admit.
“I don’t think you could mess things up. I see the way she looks at you.”
“I didn’t tell you who the date was with,” I say, cocking an eyebrow at her. She laughs to herself before speaking.
“Right. So we’re going to pretend there’s anyone else out there that you’d do this for?” she asks, folding her arms over her chest. She’s got me there. I’ve never really had any interest in anyone who wasn’t Audra. I spent all of high school and a lot of my post high school life trying to push myself into other women but it never worked. All I ever landed on was hook-ups who just didn’t do it for me. Nothing against the women, they were all great. They just so happened to all have the same thing wrong with them, they weren’t Audra.
“Yeah. Okay.” I throw my hands up in surrender. “People don’t know yet though, Mom. So don’t say anything. Please,” I add. She cocks her head to the side, pressing her lips into a line.
“You don’t think I know that? You’re sneaking around like teenagers. I won’t tell anyone but Ro, he’ll be less hurt if you guys tell him rather than stumbling upon it,” she adds, giving me the classic mom look. The one that screams DO THE RIGHT THING. I sigh, nodding my head. I know she’s right but the decision isn’t mine to make. “Do you think he has feelings for her too?” she asks. I’m not proud of the possessive feeling in my chest that makes me want to scream that he doesn’t. The feeling doesn’t last though because the reality is that he doesn’t.
“No. Audra is just afraid that it will mess up their friendship because she didn’t tell him right away. But she didn’t tell him right away because she wanted to know there was something worth rocking the boat over,” I explain.
“And is there something to rock the boat over?” she asks with a knowing smirk.
“Yeah. Worth crashing the boat over.”
“Well there you go. Maybe it’s time then,” she says like it’s simple. Like because I’m sure, I can just run down to Ares room real quick and let him know.
“There’s more to it than that. Audra has other reasons for waiting. Ones I can’t tell you about,” I admit. She nods as if she knows already. I don’t question it though. Instead I just continue getting ready for our date.
I hold up two different belts to my mom, asking her which to wear. She points to the thicker of the two. I need everything to be perfect. I need Audra to see that we make sense the way I’ve always known we do. I need her to feel even a quarter of what I’ve felt for her since I met her.
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