“Come in,” I call out. I expect mom or dad—maybe even Ares—but I don’t expect Ravyn to be at the door. I push myself up on my elbows to see what she’s doing in here.
“We’re about to get the fire started, we thought you might want to come down.” She shrugs, standing in my doorway. I feel like I woke up in the twilight zone. Why is Ravyn of all people waking me up? Confused doesn’t even cover it.
“I don’t know. I think maybe I just want to rest for the night.” I sigh, laying my head back down. She huffs and comes over to sit on the end of the bed. I have never in my 24 years had a one on one talk with Ravyn. Definitely not the kind where she comes and sits at the end of my bed.What the hell is going on?
“You can’t avoid her all weekend,” she says softly, like she genuinely cares. Which is weird because last I checked all I was to Ravyn was Ares’ asshole brother. I know she picked Audra up that night we kissed but I wonder what Audra told her. I wonder what all Ravyn knows. More importantly I wonder what Ravyn told Ares.
“This isn’t about Audra.” I huff. It’s a lie. A bold faced lie. Still, I say it. She laughs. Shelaughsout loud at me.
“Get up,” she says, standing from the bed. “Pity party is over. Meet me outside or I’ll be back to get you,” she demands and with that she walks out the bedroom door and closes it behind her.What the fuck?
I rack my brain trying to think of why in the hell Ravyn cares about me laying up here all night. A small voice in my head tugs at me, screaming that it’s because Audra cares. That maybe she sent her. I don’t dwell on the thought though. I had my time living in a reality that was too good to be true. It’s done now though. No more dreams to live in.
Partially out of curiosity and partially out of fear I follow Ravyn’s demand and throw on a hoodie and head out back. In a circle around a fire sits Mom, Dad, Ares, Ravyn, Audra, and lastly, a single empty chair between Mom and Audra. That voice in my head is back and screaming that this is some kind of plan by Ravyn because Audra still cares. Though I find the common sense to shove that voice down.
I take the empty seat and feel the warmth coming off of the fire and fizzling off the chill of the breeze coming off the lake. Everyone is talking and laughing, even me. It’s a beautiful night. The sky is clear and I feel like I can see every star.
I steal a couple of glances at Audra throughout the night. It’s nice to see her laugh but it doesn’t have the same buzzing effect as when I’m the one making her laugh. Ares and Ravyn laugh and laugh over nothing and everything. Sometimes I swear they were meant to be siblings instead. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ares and I’d protect him with my life. Sometimes it just feels like there’s an effortlessness to their relationship and humor that’s missing between him and I.
A couple of hours pass and Mom and Dad head in to bed, leaving the four of us out at the fire. Ares is going on and on about Katrina to Ravyn and I can’t help but clock the sad look on Audra’s face. I know her too well. I know she’s feeling like she’s on the outside of something she had always been on the inside of. I know it because she’s cried in my arms about it.
I want to grab my brother by his shirt and tell him to tell her right now. I don’t though, of course, because that would be insane. I also clock the way she holds her own arms, tucking her legs up in the chair because she’s cold. I want to give her my hoodie, maybe even pull her into my lap. I don’t do that either though because it’s not my place. She made that crystal clear.
Just as I’m starting to think of excuses to go back up to my room and pout about Audra leaving me, Ravyn locks eyes with me. She gets a look in her eye that tells me exactly what I had expected. Even if the little voice in my head was wrong about Audra still caring, it was right about Ravyn having a plan. Her eyes flick from me, to Audra, then back to Ares.
“Ares, can you come inside with me?” she says suddenly. It’s so unsubtle that I feel like she might as well just ask if we’d like to be alone. Which I think we’d have very different answers to.
“What? Why?” he asks and either she was more subtle than I thought or my brother is an idiot. I know where I’d put my money.
“I need help.” She shrugs
“With what?”
“God, what is this? Twenty questions? Just come help me,” she huffs. He throws his hands up in defeat and stands up to follow her. That’s Ares though, doing whatever Ravyn and Audra ask for as long as I can remember. I’ve learned two things tonight. One, my brother is an idiot. Two, Ravyn might be a gold medalist in getting what she wants. They walk up the deck stairs and into the house. I wonder what the hell she’ll come up with to have him help with.
Audra looks back at the house and then back to the fire, rubbing her hands over her arms again. I try not to pay much attention to the fact that when Ravyn and Ares went inside Audra didn’t try to follow. Still the voice is screaming in the back of my mind.
“Take my hoodie,” I say, breaking the silence.
“No, I’m okay.” She shakes her head, keeping her eyes straight on the fire. It shouldn’t feel this good to hear her voice. If it feels this good to hear someone talk to you, that’s probably a good sign that they don’t want to talk to you. I don’t listen though, of course, and I pull the hoodie up over my head and hand it to her. She looks at the hoodie, then me, then pulls it over her head. Relief fills me because at least she doesn’t hate me.
“Thank you,” she says quietly, snuggling into the hoodie that has to be at least three sizes too big.
“No problem.” The interaction feels strained, like we are complete strangers and it’s eating me alive. I wish I had grabbed a beer on my way out here. Anything to take the edge off.
“Can we talk?” she asks and her voice is so soft, like she’s scared to ask. I swear I think I feel my heart glow in my chest when she asks.
“Yeah,” I say turning my chair to face hers. “We can talk.” The voice telling me she knew about Ravyn’s plan is just laughing at me now. She really knew. She actually wanted to talk to me. I consider mentioning it, telling her she didn’t need a plan, but I don’t. I don’t risk a thing when it comes to her. I never will again.
“I shouldn’t have left you like that,” she says, shaking her head like she’s disappointed in herself for doing it. “I shouldn’t have gone silent on you after that either.”
“Yeah.” I nod. I should probably say more, tell her it’s okay or that I understand given everything she’s been through. It would be a lie, though. I don’t understand and it hasn’t felt okay.
“I just wanted to apologize. You know, you didn’t deserve that and I just thought you should know.” She nods like she’s assuring herself as she speaks.
“Why’d you run, Auds?” The question burns a hole in my tongue until I finally let it out. She shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “Did I make you uncomfortable?” The question I have been too afraid to ask because it’s the last thing I would ever want to do. Her eyebrows shoot up and she sits forward in her seat toward me.
“No.God no.Please don’t think that. I asked you to kiss me. Iwantedyou to kiss me.” The words bring instant relief to me. The bigger issue this week was losing her but there was an underlying fear the entire time that it was because I had made her uncomfortable.
