It might be easier to be mad at myself for the missed opportunity if I wasn’t so sure that this was the best thing for her. I couldn’t, in good conscience, kiss her tonight. Not after the way tonight went. Not when he had her crying and shaking at the campgrounds. Not when she had cried the whole walk to my car. Certainly not when it could blow up her friendship with my brother. I let all the overthinking subside and finally drift to sleep. The only thing on my mind all night is Audra’s smell, Audra’s hair, and Audra wrapped around me sound asleep.
* * *
I knowit’s morning when my alarm rings across the room and warm sun beams through the blinds of her bedroom window.
I open my eyes and find her small body wrapped tightly around me. I take a minute to admire the beautiful girl asleep on my chest. Soft pink brushed across each cheek, the deep pink of her full lips, the peaceful look on her face.
“Hey, I have to get up for work,” I whisper close to her ear, attempting to slip her arm off of me. Her body tenses.
“Okay,” she says and it comes out cold. The response stings and my mind starts running the worst case scenarios.
Was sleeping in the bed with her a step too far? Does she regret asking me to sleep in the bed with her? Or worse, does she not even remember it and thinks I’m some kind of creep who got in bed with her after she fell asleep?
The thought that I might have done something to lose all the progress we’ve made over the last couple of months is front and center in my mind. The thought feels impossible to look past or ignore.
“Do you want to come with me?” I offer and I hope it doesn’t come out sounding as desperate as it feels.
“I just want to be alone today,” she exhales.
This feels an awful lot like the cold shoulder.
I want to beg her to come or beg her not to shut me out. I don’t though. I want to ask her what changed when we’ve been having so much fun together, but I don’t do that either. I just give her the space she wants.
And I fucking hate it.
Awkward.So goddamn quiet and awkward grabbing my things and leaving her house when she is barely speaking to me.
All I can think about is what changed. It’s all I think about the entire way to my house. It’s all I think about the entire time I’m getting ready for work. And it’s all I think about the entire drive there. Did I do something? Is she mad? Did I cross a line?
* * *
I walkinto the shop and as usual Beck has beat me there, sitting on the stool behind the counter, working on a custom board. All I’ve got is an hour before I have back to back surf lessons for my entire day.
While I love the slow days where I can come in and shoot shit with Beck and do the small tasks, it’s the lessons that bring in the money. It’s really not about the money though, turning surfing into a career has been a dream come true. Nothing brings me peace like being out on the water with my board.
“What the hell was that about last night?” Beck asks, coming around the counter and plopping down on the couch. I flop down next to him, letting out a big sigh.
“I can’t tell you about it.” I groan. I want to, I want to tell him everything and maybe he could give me some advice. Maybe he could tell me what I did wrong. Beck is the best person for advice and I can’t even tell him about this. I’d love nothing more than to spill it all to him and ask him what I should be doing.
“Well, tell me something. Tell me what you can.” He shrugs, turning his body to face me. I don’t know what I can say. It isn’t my business to tell.
“Audra’s asshole ex boyfriend was at the fair and she texted me about it.” The words run through my head a few times trying to decide if I said too much but I decide it’s nothing more than he already knew from the day Tyler’s friend came here.
“But you can’t say what happened?” he questions, raising a brow.
“I don’t know.” I shrug.
“Is she safe?” he asks and I can see the concern on his face.
I drag my hands down my face. “I don’t know.” I sigh.
“I know she is when I’m with her,” I admit. It makes less and less sense to me why we aren’t together today.
“That’s why she’s been coming to work with you so much?” he questions and now the sympathy is apparent in not only his voice but his face too. All I do is nod in response. “So where is she today, then?”
“At her house. She didn’t want to come,” I say chewing on the inside of my cheek.
“Did something happen?”
