Chapter1
Audra
“You’re okay.It’s okay. Everything’s gonna beokay,” I mumble to myself as my voice shakes.
Adrenaline courses through me, leaving my pulse thrumming throughout my entire body. Misty air and raindrops soak through my clothes, causing them to stick to my skin as I make my way down the road and away from Tyler’s apartment.
Headlights glisten as cars rush past me, spraying rainwater on my bare legs. The symbolism isn’t lost on me as I try to decide if I’m better off turning around and going back to Tyler’s house when the walk to my house is so long.
I try to fight back tears, but they just keep falling. I’m nothing short of a mess walking down the street in the rain, bawling my eyes out with a dead phone. If I had to guess, there’s also probably a visible mark left on my cheek from Tyler’s hand.
Cars continue to pass me by, no idea I’m having the worst night of my life. Heads turn, watching me through the windows of their cars as I walk. All they see is a girl walking and crying. They have no idea that mentally, I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, throwing myself on the ground, and refusing to take another step. It’s almost painful to see people going on with their normal lives when mine is burning to the ground.
Briefly, I wonder if anyone has ever felt this way seeing me and my best friends, Ares and Ravyn, out having fun. I don’t get a chance to dwell on the thought before it hits me—Ares!
I stop dead in my tracks as relief floods me. Remembering that Ares’ house is the perfect halfway point between mine and Tyler’s houses. For the first time since I walked—stormed, really—out of Tyler’s house, I feel like I can make it to my destination.
My attempt to hold back tears becomes less pathetic. I find it in myself to hold it together for the remainder of the walk to Ares’ house. Still, I find myself shedding a tear or two. Between the tears and the rain, I can feel my entire face covered in melted eye makeup.
The shine of Ares’ front porch light welcomes me like a warm hug. I can already feel my guard coming down as I make my way to the front door. Before I even pick my hand up to knock, I’m already back to crying. But in this moment, it really doesn’t matter to me. My knuckles meet the door and the floodgates open. I’m a sobbing mess on the front porch waiting for Ares to answer the door.
“Audra?”
An unexpected voice rings in my ears and my eyes shoot up. Ares’ older brother, Roman, is standing in the doorway. He’s lit from all angles by the hall and porch lights. He’s opened the door shirtless, obviously lounging around his house and not expecting a sopping wet, crying girl on his front step. His eyebrows pinch together slightly, his warm chocolate eyes sweeping over me. As I’m looking at him I’m overly aware of the tears staining my cheeks and my inability to form the words I need.
“What’s going on? Are you alright?” he asks, genuine concern washing over his face.
“Is Ares home?” is all I manage to squeeze out of my constricted throat. He shakes his head.
“No, he’s out at a concert with Ravyn. I thought you’d be with them.” The concern on his face doesn’t let up.
This feels like the end of the world. I know it’s not. Logically I know that it’s not, but this feels like worst case scenario. The only thing that got me through the walk was knowing comfort was on the other side of this door.
“Is your mom here?” The question comes out in a rattling breath. Roman shakes his head, indicating that she isn’t home either. The last shred of hope I had is gone. Now I know the comfort I showed up looking for isn’t here.
“I’m sorry. Her and Dad are out for a date, they won’t be home until tomorrow,” he replies. His voice is soft, softer than it’s ever been in my experience.
Tears are no longer slowly slipping here and there, they’re soaking my face fully as a sob rips through me. On top of everything else, I’m now embarrassing myself in front of the only person under this roof that I’m not close with.
“I should just go home,” I say to myself. I look back up to him, nodding. “I’m going to go home. If you don’t mind, don’t mention to Ares that I was here.” I turn to walk back down the porch steps but he catches my arm. I flinch away from the touch, yanking my wrist away from him. Concern twists into every one of his features, but he doesn’t address the interaction. Instead he pretends as if it didn’t happen, despite the concerned look on his face.
“At least let me get you some clothes and drive you home. You’re soaked and freezing,” he offers. I consider it and I almost say yes before I find myself shaking my head.
“I really don’t want to be a burden and I definitely don’t want to be alone all night. I’ll just walk home and catch Ares or your mom tomorrow,” I say, turning my head away from him.
“Audra, please. Ares would never forgive me if I let you walk home like this, you know that. Come in and wait for him, we can watch a movie or something,” he suggests, this time with a little desperation in his voice. He isn’t wrong, Ares would be livid with Roman if he knew he let me walk home crying tonight.
My initial instinct is to turn down the offer in an attempt to keep what little dignity I’ve got left. Though, as much as I don’t want to be a burden, he’s right. Ares would be pissed if he knew Roman let me leave like this. So I wipe my tears with my already damp sleeves and follow him into the house.
“Come on,” he says, leading me up to his room, “I’m gonna grab you some clothes.” I follow him up the stairs. I’ve been through this hallway a million times in my life. Sometimes it feels like I’ve spent more time here than in my own house, but never with Roman and certainly not in his room.
Somehow, the room is like I always imagined it would be. There’s a surfboard pinned up on the wall, clutter here and there but overall it’s a pretty organized room. The walls are a pale tangerine color, littered with framed pictures of him and his friends surfing.
He reaches into the tall dresser and pulls out a pair of gray plaid pajama pants and a blue tie dye Surf Shop t-shirt. He hands me the small stack and tells me to change in his bathroom. “I’ll wait outside for you,” he promises, slipping out of his door and grabbing a hoodie for himself on his way.
I walk into a room that is more familiar to me, the bathroom shared between his room and Ares’. I catch my reflection in the mirror and see myself for the first time. Gray mascara streaks down each cheek, eyes swollen and red; hair a frizzy mess from the humidity. Seeing myself this way takes my breath away, and I’ve fully forgotten how to breathe.
Deep breath in… Deep breath out…
