Page 6 of Beckon
“You know the Christmas movie your grandma loves so much?”
“The one with the snowball fight?”
“Yes, sir. I gave her a ride and she was absolutely lovely.”
“Did you tell Grandma?”
“Nope.”
“Can I?”
“You sure can, in the morning. But for now, it’s off to dreamland with you.” After dropping a kiss on his head, Tami made her way out of his room with zero protest on Chester’s part.
Tami headed downstairs to the chair by the door and removed her shoes, tucking the laces in. When she got up to search for her mom, she turned back and untucked a lace.
The chaos of it was slightly stressful, but she refused to slip back. It was a ridiculously small thing to anyone else, but to her, it was a huge act of rebellion against her brain.
She nodded and turned, almost knocking her mother over in the process.
“Shoot, Mom. You about gave me a heart attack.”
Her mother just gave her a warm smile and held out a cup of green tea with two bags and just a drizzle of honey. The same way she’d done her whole life.
“Defiance.” She nodded her head toward the shoes in wild disarray. At least to Tami they were with the one lace just hanging out there on the floor. “It feels good, doesn’t it?”
After a sip of her tea, Tami laughed. “I don’t know if I’d go as far as good, but yeah. It feels freeing not to be trapped in a loop right now.”
Tami’s mom dropped a kiss on her forehead and padded past her into the living room. Tami followed and sat in her favorite chair.
“So, tell me, dear girl, what has got you feeling defiant tonight?” While she didn’t go through her nightly loop any longer, she never undid something that was a part of it once she did it. Something about the man tonight had gotten under her skin, made her want to be different.
Not her normal different, because she was always different from everyone else, but different from herself.
“I met someone, well not really met, I don’t even know his name and he surely doesn’t know mine and he was really drunk and kind of a butthole, but he’s broken and I understand broken and I felt—”
“Dear girl, take a breath.” Her mother took the cup from her hand and squished into the chair next to her. It was weird being her age and still needing her mother to treat her like she was a child, but Tami didn’t mind so much. She knew when she got overexcited, she needed to stop herself and regroup. Her mom was good at reminding her of that.
“Good. Now tell me. But pause and breathe. We have all night.”
“Well, there isn’t much to tell. Like I said, he doesn’t know me, and I don’t know him. But I felt…” Tami paused. What did she feel? “I just felt.”
Her mother patted her thigh, then returned to the couch. She wanted to thank her for the comfort and the space. Tami’s mother had always understood her needs better than anyone, even as an adult she could read her. “Honey, you always feel. A bit too much, but that’s not inherently a bad thing.”
“But it’s what I didn’t feel that scares me. I didn’t miss Reese the whole time I was with him. Even when I thought of him, the ache was dull.”
“That’s how it’s supposed to be, Tamitha. It doesn’t mean you loved him any less, just that you’re healing. So, stop feeling guilty.” Tami wanted to protest but her mom silenced her with a look. “Yes, you do. It’s also natural. I felt guilt over your father for decades, still do from time to time, but I’ve accepted it as part of the process. Now, tell me something about this young man.”
“I don’t know anything. I know he drinks. I don’t know if that’s regular or occasional. He could be a total mean guy for all I know. Most likely is since the only thing he said to me was rude. But when he sleeps, his face looks kind, when he’s not being tortured.”
Tami grabbed her cup off the coffee table and finished her tea.
“Sleeps?”
“Yeah, like I said, he was drunk. I had to drag him into his apartment. He passed out almost immediately.”
“No surprise that you didn’t just toss his ass on the stoop like most people would’ve. Continue.”
“I may not even like him as a person, and I know I’ll never see him again. But it was nice to know I could not feel that sense of loss.”
