Page 83 of Desperate Haste
“He must have known you’d need the reminder,” I offer as tears threaten to run down my cheeks. “You’re not alone, Malcolm. Not ever. You have your friends, and everyone at the bar.”
“And what about you? Do I have you too?” He’s on one knee beside me as I sit in the chair at the table. I blink away the tears and turn to face him. He rests a hand on my thigh and I try to take a deep, steadying breath.
“Yeah, you have me too.” My fingers can’t be stopped any longer and I bring a hand to his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into my palm.
“I love you, Ophelia. I will never be able to apologize enough for what I did; just like I’ll never be able to tell you how much I love you.”
“I want to love you too.” My voice cracks. “But I need to know you’re not going to slip away again. I’ve loved a man who hurt me before and I won’t do it again. I can’t.” He reaches up and swipes his thumb across my cheek, drying the tears that are now freely falling.
“And I wouldn’t ever ask you to,” he whispers. Holding the ring in front of my face again, he straightens his spine and clears his throat. “I think this belongs to you.”
I wipe my cheeks with both hands and shake my head at him. “What are you talking about? Marshall left that to you.”
“And I told you before I left that I didn’t want it back until you thought I could be the man you needed me to be. Do you think I’m that man right now?”
I feel my face screw up as I try to figure out what he means. Unsure of what to say, I simply shake my head at him.
“Then I don’t want it back. Not until you know for certain that I can be the type of man you can love. And until that day, I’ll work my ass off to prove to you that I’ll do whatever it takes to be him. To be that man.”
“And what if I never give it back?”
“Then I’ll work everyday for the rest of my life to prove to you that I’m worthy of it.” He grabs one of my hands and kisses the back of it. “Because you are worth the work, Ophelia. And I’ll do whatever it takes to show you how much I mean that. To show you how much I love you.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” I cry, leaning over my lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.
“I hope you do.”
43
MALCOLM
Iused to think grief was a dense forest you were dropped into without a map and the trees were so thick you could hardly see the sunlight. That, instead of trying to find a way to escape, you should simply stay put and try to survive the knowing that you’ll never be found again. But now I know what it really is. Griefislike being lost in a dense forest, unable to find your way out. But instead of being stuck, the best way to get through it is to wake up every day and do what you can to see through the trees and feel the sun on your face. Andthatis what I wake up and choose to do every day since coming home. To do my best to see the light in each day and let it warm me from the inside out.
It has been three weeks since I came home and the Fourth of July is next week. Since being back, I’ve done my best to stick to my program, make it to my meetings, and go to my weekly therapy appointments. As promised, I also do my best each day to show Ophelia how much I love her and how hard I’m trying to prove to her that I can be the man she needs me to be. I started training at the gym again, check in with Reese daily like he requires me to do, and I took Ophelia’s advice and promoted Alice to assistant manager which she’s thriving at. As the days get longer and the summer heat rolls in, little by little, I start to put the pieces of my life back together.
When I hear my phone buzzing on the bartop, I toss my tattered paperback copy ofFahrenheit 451down and look to see who texted me. My cheeks push into my eyes as I slide my thumb across the screen to answer her text.
Little fox:
I’m on my way to get you. I want to talk with Alice about this weekend’s brunch special and then we can head to Kolbi’s. Sound good?
She had dropped me off this morning after I stayed at her place last night. After weeks of me asking her to, she finally agreed to come with me to game night so she offered to drive me to the bar for my opening shift. Hitting send on my message, I head for the office.
“Hey, Ophelia’s on her way and said she wants to talk to you about Sunday’s brunch special, just so you know.”
Alice spins in the new office chair Ophelia had replaced while I was gone and removes a pen that had been tucked between her teeth.
“Oh good, I wanted to talk with her about it anyway.” She stands from her chair and follows me back out to the bar, presumably to wait for my girl. “You look good, man.”
I turn to look back at her as I make my way back to the front of the restaurant. “Thanks, I feel good.”
“She’s good for you. She makes you better.” Her head bobs up and down and I can’t help but let out a chuckle.
“Trust me, I know.”
As if on cue, the front door opens and in walks Ophelia looking as stunning as ever. She’s clearly just come from the office and stomps across the hardwood floor as if she owns the place. Her and Alice have more of a control on the place than I do, so it’s almost like shedoesown the place. She walks right past me and straight up to Alice, pulling her into a hug.
“Hello, Alice. You’re looking beautiful today.”
