Page 82 of Addicted
“Too much?”
Liam worried his lip. “I was…I was taking stuff so-”
“Even with it.” Owen was relentless in his stare.
Liam’s brows furrowed and he looked down at their clasped hands.
“No.” Liam gave a tiny shake of his head, thinking out loud. “You did bring back memories, especially in the beginning, but they stopped hurting a while ago. Now when I think about some of the good things, they don’t burn, they just feel a little…”
“Melancholy?”
“Yeah.” Liam glanced back up at Owen, surprised. They’d been reading each other’s minds for months now but it was still astonishing whenever it happened. “Plus, I thought that the job was going to be hard but…I liked it. I liked working with you. And y-you did so much for me. You brought me sandwiches, sent me jokes, checked up on me. You made sure I had health insurance...you’ve been caring about me. Always.”
And instead of letting this wonderful man in, accepting the tenderness and love he’d been offering, Liam ran to pills, hurting himself and those around him. At that realization, Liam’s trembling became more violent and another round of tears blurred his vision.
“I pushed you away. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was scared. I didn’t think you’d ever want me and by the time you did, I was already addicted. I ruined everything.” He hiccupped on a sob, his nose running, his body battered and weary. “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anything. I should have died-”
“No!” Owen grasped Liam’s head in both hands, his eyes flashing with fear. “Don’t youeversay that again. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you too. Do you understand how afraid I’ve been today?”
“I’m s-sorry…” Liam rasped through bitten lips, adding more guilt to his shame.
“Listen to me, because I’ve said this before and this time I want you to hear me.” Owen’s voice was raw, vulnerable, grabbing Liam’s heart with its tone. “I never forgot about you. I’d been looking for you for years to the point that every time I saw a beautiful man with auburn hair, he became you. And I didn’t move here just because of Finn. The address your aunt gave me said that you lived close by and I was secretly hoping I’d see you. I can’t tell you how happy I was when you turned up at The Pointe on my first day. Throughout the last few months, you’ve been a bright star, guiding me through the darkness of my life.” He brushed away a few wet strands of hair that were stuck to Liam’s face. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when your parents died. You were set adrift with no one to guide you and you’ve been so brave. So very brave-”
Liam took a breath, wanting to argue that becoming an addict wasn’t brave, but Owen’s eyes drilled into him and the words stalled on his tongue.
“And since I couldn’t help you then, I’m going to help you now. You are smart, funny, and kind. You fill a part of me that I didn’t know was empty. I feel this connection when we’re in the same room, even if we’re not talking.” He pulled Liam close, hugging him again and Liam let him, slumping boneless against Owen’s chest, too weary to push him away. “And I want you to heal. I want you to be happy.”
Pressed to Owen’s shirt, Liam breathed in the scent of citrus and spice, letting it wash over him and knowing that he wanted to smell that every day. Could he do this? Probably. He’d already sunk so low, there was nowhere to go but up.
“I was going to stop,” Liam mumbled into Owen’s chest. “I didn’t want to take the pills anymore and I planned to go clean next week. Call in and tell you that I had the flu.”
Owen tightened his arms, kissing the top of Liam’s head.
“Did you think you could do it by yourself?”
“I was hoping to.” Liam sniffed, wondering how much blood and tears had been smeared on Owen’s shirt.
“I think you’d have more success with support from the people around you.”
Liam nodded. Of course, Owen was right. He might have been able to suffer through withdrawal alone in his apartment, but it would be much easier with Owen by his side. Even though the day had been an absolute shitstorm Liam suddenly felt lighter for the weight of his problems had been halved, shared, and he no longer had to carry his heavy burdens on his own.
“I’m sorry I stepped on your foot.” Liam continued to speak into Owen’s chest, keeping his face hidden, for it was burning with shame.
“It’s fine. No harm done.” Owen rocked them a little and the motion soothed Liam’s trembling. It had been over a day since he’d taken his last dose and soon he’d be tipping over the edge into full withdrawal. The sick shivery feeling in his limbs was growing, he felt nauseous, and his muscles ached and throbbed. But it was difficult to tell what symptoms were from the lack of drugs and which were from the events of the day.
“Can I ask you a question?” The rocking slowed.
Liam nodded, too tired to hide anymore. Right now, he was an open book with tattered pages.
“Why do you sleep in the living room? Why not your bedroom?
A long sigh drained from Liam’s body. “The bedroom is storage.”
“Storage?” Owen pulled back and Liam followed his gaze as it traveled down the hallway.
“It’s where I put everything from the house. I didn’t want it out here,” Liam waved his hand at the living room, “because then I’d have to see it all the time.”
“How much do you have?” Owen tilted his head at the bedroom, his tone curious.
