Page 16 of Feral Werewolves
Kestrel led us away from the girl. Paladin fell into step with me, and we all padded off on all fours.
She called after us, asking where we were going.
Paladin looked back at her, but Kestrel and I ignored her.
I could not believe that jackass had knotted her. Kestrel had better control of himself when he was shifted than I did, and I didn’t know why that was. Maybe I was too frightened of hurting people and it made me too cautious or the fear impeded my capacity to trust myself at all. I wasn’t sure. But even though I was older than him, I ceded the leadership role to Kestrel.
Paladin wasn’t capable of being a leader. He was just sort of our puppy. We loved him, Kestrel and I both did, but in different ways, I supposed.
Anyway, Kestrel usually had better control of himself, so why hadn’t he stopped himself from knotting her? It made it all the more likely that she’d get pregnant. That was the purpose of the knot, after all. But Kestrel and I had both talked about not wanting that, not wanting to do that to a woman, for one thing, and not wanting to think about having a child out there that we’d never see. A child whovery well might grow into a werewolf and be sent out into this life beyond the walls, in exile.
The best thing would be for a tithe to end a pregnancy, but they usually didn’t, because it got them out of the gatherings. Once they were pregnant, they never had to come back. If they terminated, though, they’d be back.
At the point when Kestrel had decided to knot his cock inside her, she hadn’t had my semen inside her, at least, but she’d had Paladin’s in there.Way to make that decision for Paladin, Kestrel,I thought.
That was when I realized the tithe had come after us, because Paladin peeled off to go back to her.
She ran her hands through Paladin’s russet fur, smiling down at him. “I didn’t think we’d all go to sleep. I thought it was nonstop banging until dawn.”
That had been strange, actually, but I wondered if it was different to be isolated. When there were twelve or fifteen tithes all getting fucked and you could scent all of that happening, maybe it kept you from ever feeling satiated. I hadn’t minded that it hadn’t been as frenzied and prolonged as usual, actually.
She touched her chest. “I’m Clementine.”
I growled in response. I did not want this poor girl’s name, not after whatever it was we’d done to her. I’d lost count of the times I’d drawn blood. Maybe she healed it quick, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt her. I still remembered the way her body had reacted when I’d taken her ass. That had hurt. I knew what that felt like, anyway. You didn’t end up out here, in the wild, with a bunch of men who didn’t have any women to fuck and escape being raped. It happened to all wolves. It was commonplace.
I didn’t know what we did to the tithes, not exactly, and I didn’t want to pretend that it wasn’t complicated.
But the thing about “complicated” was that it was the enemy of a victim and the weapon of the rapist. Oh, yeah, it’s complicated, sure.
Did the titheswantto be here, really?
Yeah, didn’t think so.
So, what did I want? To say that because I’d been raped, it meant I wasn’talsoa rapist? Because it did not mean that, and I knew it. I’d given up thinking of myself as a good person after I murdered the woman I loved and the baby I’d put inside her. I was not a good person, and I just had to accept that.
But I knew about it, anyway, knew about it from all the complicated angles. Knew how it felt to be forced to submit to someone sexually, knew how it felt good in some weird way, even as if it felt awful, knew about going soft on a person who abused you.
Don’t even think about it, Clementine,I thought at her.Turn around and run. Run from us. Don’t you see what we are? We’re wolves, you dumb bitch.
Paladin rubbed his head against her body.
She sank both hands into his pelt, grinning at him. “Do you have to leave before the sun comes up or something? Like some fairy tale story? What happens if I watch you shift back?”
You get locked out here with us if you’re not back at the gate at sunrise.I growled again.
“Fine,” she said, shaking her head at me. “Mr. Gray, you’re very confusing, with the making sure to lube me before you fucked my ass and then pretending like you hate me. That doesn’t make any sense.”
This just knocked the wind out of me for some reason. I bowed my head.
“Next month?” she said. “Find me again?”
Kestrel barked again, dismissive. He turned and started walking.
I went after him, but I was drooping, my tail, my ears, my whole fucking existence. I didn’t want her to think I hated her for whatever reason. I wanted… hell, I wanted to run back to her and do whatever Paladin was doing, lick her all over, rub my head against her, feel her hands all over me again.
But Paladin caught up with the three of us and we all trooped off, back toward the farmhouse, the moon hangingheavy in the sky.
clementine
