“How do you even know all these things? You said you didn’t pay attention in class. Did you like science class and not history?”
“No, I hated all school subjects equally,” I said. “I read articles on the internet a lot. Mostly when I’m supposed to be doing chores. I waste the whole day going down some research hole and then Kestrel gets pissed and I have nothing to show for myself except incredibly convoluted theories that everyone thinks are dumb.”
“I didn’t say it was dumb,” she said, tracing a little pattern on my chest. “Nothing about you is dumb, Paladin. Nothing at all.”
I sucked in a breath and pulled her really close.
Then, we were kissing.
She pulled back, sighing. “Mmm, Paladin, bed?”
“Bed,” I repeated.
She was sitting up. “Seriously, this floor is hard and cold, and you need to do everything to keep me happy, right, so…?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said.
“Just to sleep,” she said, stretching, her body elongatingin mesmerizing and wonderful ways.
My mouth was dry. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, well, you’ll just have to work harder,” she said airily, getting up. “At the very least, you must perfect your thumb wrestling skills.”
I chortled out a laugh, and I got up, too. I pulled her into my arms.
She grinned up at me, and everything felt like a warm, wonderful world of safety and happiness. I wanted to have her in my arms forever. She was all I needed. “The problem is that we need something to do, too, Paladin.”
“Who needs what to do?” I could not think words.
“Women, I mean,” she said. “If you guys are all out hunting buffalo and everything, we need something else to do besides lie around bleeding and getting rescued.”
“True,” I said. “Also, uh, we humans are pretty damned good at survival, aren’t we? Even out here, beyond the walls, it’s not like people are dying of starvation or exposure or whatever. Maybe a long time ago, it made sense to divide things along gender lines for the purpose of survival, but it doesn’t anymore.”
“It’s just in-fighting,” she said, furrowing her brow. “On this side of the wall or in the cities, it’s the same thing. It’s like we’re all very pissed off that the survival issue has been solved, and we don’t know what to do with ourselves now, so we feel the need to ruin it just to entertain ourselves.”
I grimaced. “That’s bleak.”
“Right,” she said. “Well, it’ll look better in the morning.” She yawned. “Nothing like the mornings out here on this side of the wall. Nothing atall.”
On that, we were agreed.
28
clementine
WHEN I GOTup, Kestrel and Lazarus were in the kitchen, kissing.
I just stood in the doorway, watching it, this huge grin spreading across my face, and I couldn’t explain how jubilant I felt in that moment. I didn’t even understand why it was so good, but seeing two people I loved loving each other made my heart feel so full, I thought it might overflow.
Kestrel saw me, and they both broke apart, like they were embarrassed, and they laughed a little.
I started giggling and then I bounced over, across the room to both of them. I put one hand on each of their chests (both of which were bare and glorious) and I beamed up at them, radiating my happiness at them. “Good morning,” I said.
Lazarus put his whole, huge palm right against my cheek, and there was something different about him, and I could feel it. “Morning, beautiful.”
I shut my eyes and rubbed my face into his hand, sighing.
Kestrel kissed the top of my head.
