Page 103 of Feral Werewolves
“Did she say that?” said Paladin, looking worried.
“No,” I admitted. “She said she needed space.” I hunched up my shoulders. “So, of course, I kept banging on the door she’d shut and locked.”
Paladin grinned, touching my face. “My Kestrel,” he said.
I both liked and disliked that. I jerked away.
“Sorry.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t mean it like…”
“It felt patronizing,” I muttered.
“And you’ve been patronizing me for years now,” I said.
“No,” I said immediately. But he wasn’t wrong. It was true. I had. It was only that—
“It’s okay. I wanted it,” he said. “Maybe I still want it.” He let out a breath. He took his hands out of his pockets. He walked down the hallway and gently rapped on the door Clementine had closed. His voice was soft. “Hey, sweetheart, I want you to know we’re going to be just down the hall, me and Kestrel. Well, we’re subbing out on watches, but there should be two of us in there at all times, so if you want to come out and find us at any time, you can. If not, if you just want time alone, I get that.”
“Paladin, tell Kestrel I’m sorry,” came her tiny voice. “But I’m just trying to go to sleep right now.”
“Sure,” he said. “Sleep, sweetheart.”
He ran his fingers over the door, almost regretful, and then he came back to me. He nodded at an open door, which was across the hall from this built-on hallway.
I hesitated, and then I let him lead me in there.
The room had a couch and a TV and one of those big beanbag chairs.
Paladin pushed me back onto the couch, settled on the floor in front of me, and started undoing my zipper.
“What the fuck?” I gasped, reaching down to stop him.
“Please?” he said, looking up at me. “For me. I need it.”
For whatever fucked-up reason, his saying that made me really hard. I let him take me out. “It’s just, Paladin, this lastcouple days, everything that happened, especially to Clementine, it feels wrong.”
“Wrong to feel pleasure when other people suffered, you mean?” He kissed the tip of me and then began to loosely run his hand over me.
“Maybe,” I said. “Wrong to be turned on after Clementine… I keep thinking about it, whatever they did to her.”
“Yeah, but things like that have happened to us,” he said. He sucked the head of me into his mouth.
It felt good. I let my head lay on the back of the couch and moaned softly.
He licked the sensitive spot right behind the head of my cock. “When bad things happen to me, I need you, and you know this.”
I reached out to caress his face. My fingers brushed the shell of his ear. “It’s fucked that we do this, Paladin, though.”
“No, it’s good,” he countered. “Now tell me what I want to hear. You know what I want.”
I sighed, shutting my eyes. I continued to toy with his ear. “Sure, sweet boy.” It did make me so goddamned hard, after all. “You want me to tell you none of it happened?”
“I…” He sucked my cockhead, thinking about it. “No, I can remember. It doesn’t have to erase things this time. Just the other stuff.” He licked me all over, and it made it hard to think. “I need your cock, Kestrel. Ineedit.”
“Yeah, you do,” I agreed, affectionate, still toying with his ear, brushing his earlobe. “My cock will fix you right up. Just suck it nice and deep, Paladin, and you’ll feel better, I swear.” We’d done shit like this before, sometimes. I didn’t totally initiate it, not exactly. I don’t know. The first time, I’d been comforting him, and it had somehow gotten sexual, and I didn’t know where the idea came from that if he sucked me off, he’d forget—was it mine, was it his? It washot.
We both liked it.
I suspected that there was harm in saying it. I knew it wasbullshit, after all. There were no healing powers in my penis or my semen. I definitely could not make him forget traumatic experiences by coming down his throat. Sucking me off was really much better for me than him, had to be. So, this was just meusinghim for my pleasure andlyingto him that it was for him.
