Page 72 of Defend Me
Tilian’s smile was bright as he raced right behind him. When he took the lead, he laughed loud enough for me to hear it. With a whoop, he turned and started to coast backward while he raised his arms in triumph.
That was the smile I told him about the other day. It fucked up my stomach like it had a personal vendetta against it.
“Drooling?” someone asked from behind me.
Since I recognized Sen’s voice, I carefully controlled my reaction. “Just chilling.”
“Mhm. Looks like you’re ogling.”
“He’s nice to look at. Disagree?”
“No, but there are plenty of attractive people you see every day.”
Not like Tilian. He was something else entirely.
“I like him,” Sen said.
“You date him, then.”
He nudged my shoulder. “Why so prickly?”
“I’m not.”
“Sure. Or maybe you’re freaked out by the prospect of something real.”
“Stick with what you know, Sen.”
When I turned to him, his lips were pursed. I immediately felt bad for snapping at him.
With a sigh, I slung my arm over his shoulders. “Just don’t start thinking you need to solve my life or something. It’s exactly how I want it.”
“I thought that back when I was trying to be straight.”
“That’s completely different.”
“Sure, but I wouldn’t let myself be happy and, judging by the look in your eyes just now, you’re doing the same thing. Different, obviously, but I don’t see the point of denying yourself something.”
“One, your shit was worse. Two, you don’t know everything.”
“Like?”
“I just can’t. It doesn’t matter what I want.”
He tipped his head to the side, resting it on my shoulder. “Everything has the potential to hurt us. If we constantly agonize over the possibility, we miss the chance to live. We’re young, Brooks. We should act like it.”
As if I had that luxury.
I watched Tilian spin in a circle before he darted after a girl who seemed about his age. She shoved his chest, which sent him back a few feet, but he wasn’t fazed. The boy latched onto his neck from behind, nearly making him fall. They were all noticeably related- blonde hair, similar smiles, and an easy familiarity between them.
I’d rarely wondered what it was like to have siblings. They always seemed like another piece to a Rubix cube I had to keep in order at all times. Everything that happened threw the colors off balance and I had to find a way to put it back together.
Me and my parents. Those were simple enough, regardless of the specifics. No matter what happened, I could organize those three pieces and turn them into what they were supposed to be.
Perfect.
“Have they eaten?” I asked.
“Not since they’ve been here.”
