Page 70 of Defend Me
I shook my head. “That’s not why I’m telling you. My parents have a gay son and a trans son. For a long time, I thought our family would be broken, but they came around in the ways they’re able to. They try. They don’t want us to change and if anyone is disrespectful, they’ll tell them to fuck off in the most Christian way possible. You’ll never find them at a pride parade, but they’re still proud of us as people. If your parents can’t make the slightest effort, then they don’t deserve you. It’s still gonna hurt, but claim it, you know?”
The look in his eyes was a little less despondent. I wished I could do more for him, but all I had was my measly outlook.
“I feel bad,” he said softly. “I keep telling Kai I’m okay. I’m lying to him.”
“I don’t think you have an obligation to share the parts of you that hurt. Even with those you love. Don’t hide from him, but there are some things you have to work out inside yourself. And when you’ve done some of that, you can share the journey with him. I’m sure he’ll be proud.”
“You know, Tilian, there’s a lot more to you than I thought.”
“Bet you thought I was just a stoner who hit on random dudes at parties.”
He laughed. “No, that has nothing to do with it. You’re just quiet a lot of the time. It’s easy to forget that people like you can have a lot more to them if someone cares to look. You’re like an iceberg.”
Humming thoughtfully, I got up and offered him a hand. When he was on his feet, he leaned back against the wall, looking exhausted.
I pulled out my phone now that it was quiet and I felt a little awkward. My lips twitched when I saw a text from Brooks.
Brooks:What are you doing? If you say smoking, I’m going to hide all of your weed. There’s more to life.
Tilian:Fuck u. I’m out.
Brooks:Of weed?
Tilian:God, no. Out in the world.
Brooks:*Gasp* He leaves the house without being forced?
Tilian:I was kinda forced. My family showed up.
Brooks:Oh, shit. Are we happy or mad about this?
Tilian:Fine is valid. We’re skating.
Brooks:Do I get an invite?
I bit my lip as I contemplated the question. Brooks meeting my family wasn’t an idea that sparked joy. Being around him did, though. It wasn’t like we were anything more than friends, so it wouldn’t be weird.
Would it?
“You should invite him,” Sen said. “Sorry. I’m nosey.”
“I don’t know.”
“You like him.”
“It’s that obvious, huh?”
He shrugged. “Brooks is likable and he has a quality that draws people to him. He’s always looking at you too. You two would be cute.”
“He doesn’t want to be in a relationship.”
“And you?”
“I’m not actively looking,” I replied slowly. “Casual isn’t something I’m opposed to if we could still keep our friendship, but things seem complicated and he’s just… impossible to open up.”
“Well, I’m the last person who could advise you on that. Me and Kai moved in together after dating for three months, so we were obviously never casual. What I do know is that Brooks has more going on in his head than he’ll tell anyone about. If you’re gonna go into it, do it without expecting that he’ll ever give you more. Once you figure out if you’re okay with that, you can decide what you want to do.”
“That’s actually good advice.”
