Page 158 of Defend Me
“That’s irrelevant. I’ve been suffocated.”
“That’s ridiculous. Since when?”
“Since I was born! Are you fucking kidding me?”
I clenched my teeth and glanced through the window. Tilian was watching me, so I smiled at him before I focused on the view again.
“Is this because of Holly?” Mom asked.
“No. I mean, a little bit.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“Yes.”
“I told you that it was up to you. It’s your decision what you do and how you attain your future, Brooks.”
“Is it, though? You said it was my choice, but it was heavily implied which decision I should make.”
“I know how things work, so yes, I saw the best way to handle it and made sure that was clear.”
Getting to my feet, I leaned my forearms on the railing. I wondered if anyone had ever jumped from up here. It seemed like a major hazard.
“Mom, I’m not comfortable with what happened and I’m not going to do it again. I made that clear to Holly.”
The silence was uncomfortable enough to make me shift my feet.
“What’d you do?” she asked, her voice controlled and monotone.
“I told her to leave me alone.”
“Christ, Brooks. You didn’t have to sleep with her again, but why would you do something like that?”
“Because she came to my fucking apartment looking for me. She was in my room and she talked to my boyfriend.”
Fuck.
I pursed my lips tightly and hung my head.
This was the problem. I gave myself an inch and now I was losing my grip on everything. Slip ups were not something I did. Filler words were not in my vocabulary. I could feel the tornado begin to lift off the ground while I waited for her to respond.
“What do you mean by ‘boyfriend?’ You didn’t tell us.”
“I…”
It would be smart to stop while I was ahead. Ishoulddeny it, but I was flooded with a sense of wrongness at the idea. It was like a betrayal.
“Yeah, I have a boyfriend,” I said after a moment. “It’s not your business who I’m seeing.”
“It is my business if it’s affecting your future. That’s why you’ve been acting like this, isn’t it? Everything you’re doing is completely out of character. Don’t tell me you’re going to throw away your future for some guy you’ll get tired of soon.”
“What the fuck, Mom?”
“You’ve never tried to put in the time for that, always jumping from one to the next.”
“I’m putting ineverythingfor this one.”
She sighed. “I’ve been young before. I understand that there are things you want to explore. Explore them, but not if they’re going to make you act like this.”
