Page 101 of Defend Me
His lips thinned. “I am.”
“That was convincing.”
“Sometimes, I hate men. Worse, I hate when I don’t hate one that I should.”
I followed his gaze. There were so many people dancing that I couldn’t narrow down who he was talking about.
“I’m starting to hate men too. There’s someone you’re into over there, huh?”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’ll be okay. What about you? Find anyone interesting tonight?”
“No, but I also don’t try.”
“Hm. You should.”
“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’m incredibly awkward.”
He laughed a little. “Some people like awkward. You came over to talk to me, so clearly, you’re capable.”
“Liquid courage, maybe.”
He turned his head and stared down at me. He had a solid four or five inches on me, which made him feel older, even though we were only a year apart.
“You know, I’m an introvert too,” he noted.
“That’s funny.”
“Really. I can play the part really well, but when I’m not on campus or at a game, I’m usually at my apartment alone. I don’t find most people enjoyable enough to give up my time for. And while I don’t get freaked out by talking to people, I understand how hard it is to put yourself out there. Especially when dealing with a closed off asshole who keeps giving extremely mixed signals.”
Was he somehow privy to everything going on in my life? From the way he was staring into the crowd again, I assumed we just had very similar situations.
“That’s why I don’t really put myself out there,” I noted.
“We get one life. If you fuck something up along the way, so what? I’d rather make some mistakes than regret letting something pass by.”
“I guess you’re right. Thanks for the advice, Linc. Do you happen to know where Dean is?”
“Upstairs. Second door on the left is where he sometimes fucks off to during parties.”
After giving me a smile, he returned to staring daggers into the crowd. I left him there to wallow in his own issue. The drinks were going to my head, stacking on top of my high. Dancing sounded terrible and so did socializing, so I headed up the stairs. Instead of going straight to the room to find Dean, I sat on the top step and watched the party go on below me.
I wondered what it was like to be that carefree. Maybe all those people were messes inside too, but they were able to shut it all off by dancing and hanging out. Even though they were considered ideal- neurotypical and mainstream- I’d never envied them. I liked who I was and I figured that someone would come along someday, someone who understood me and enjoyed the weird parts of me. They’d accept me rather than be annoyed that I didn’t like to go out much and I wouldn’t go to a store that didn’t have self-check.
It was fine. I was young and I’d just wait and hope that it would happen someday. Maybe I’d even work up the courage to look for it myself.
I gripped the edge of the step and leaned forward. Brooks was on my radar as soon as I saw him. He marched right up to West, who was dancing with a blonde. When Brooks pulled her away, I recognized her.
Sadie.
Then, he fucking kissed her.
I curled my fingers over the banister, keeping my gaze locked on him. That wasn’t a kiss. He was devouring her soul. She didn’t have a right to it. He wasn’t hers to claim like that.
Her hands came up to his neck, but he pushed her back. When she tried to get closer again, he flipped her off and headed out of the crowd.
I turned around and rushed down the hall. My emotions were on the verge of bubbling over. I had no right to feel this way. We talked about him finding someone.
It didn’t really make sense that he’d kissed her, then walked away. What was the point?
