Page 26 of Unfix Me
“It was fine.”
He tutted at me. “You’ll have to open up more than that, Sen, if you want to get something out of this. Tell me what your experience was like there.”
My gaze moved to the bookshelf behind him. There was a framed degree sitting on it and some random trinkets. Weird things like a Jesus bobblehead and a figure that was half banana, half duck. I kind of liked that one, actually.
“I had the same experience as most people, I think. We did the exercises and the counseling. When I went home, I knew how to deal with the thoughts.”
“What thoughts are those?”
Gritting my teeth, I focused on the banana-duck. “About guys. Before I went, I had a crush on one of my friends, Victor.”
“Youthoughtyou had a crush on him,” Derek corrected. “These aren’t natural or based in reality, remember?”
I nodded. “Right.”
“You seem a bit uncomfortable discussing these things. How are you doing with all of that now?”
“Perfect. No issues.”
He was silent, so I returned my gaze to him. Something told me that he didn’t believe me.
Because you’re a liar.
“Your father is concerned that being in a city like this could trigger those thoughts again or make you regress. Do you think his concerns are well-founded?”
“No. Being here isn’t going to magically turn me gay.”
He chuckled and wrote something on the paper. I tried to see what it was, but his handwriting was shit, even if it wasn’t upside down.
“As a formerly confused man myself, I can say that a place like this does pose its challenges. There are parades, pride events, and even rainbow crosswalks in Capitol Hill. You’re going to a school that is known to be very supportive of that lifestyle. Do you have any concerns about that?”
This wasn’t counseling. It was an interrogation. I was surprised he didn’t whip out a polygraph and strap me to the chair.
“I’m not more concerned here than I would be anywhere else,” I said.
“And how have you been faring overall? Any incorrect thoughts recently?”
“No,” I lied.
“It’s just you and me here, Sen. I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me.”
“You’re a real counselor, right?”
“Yes.”
“So, you can’t tell my parents about anything we talk about.”
“Except in very limited circumstances, that’s correct.”
I chewed on my lip as I continued to study the room. “I don’t know if I’m doing anything wrong or not. There’s this guy at school. He’s a friend, that’s it, but he’s gay. Personally, I don’t give two fucks about it, but it feels like I’m supposed to.”
He hummed thoughtfully while his pen scratched across the paper. “Let me ask you this. If you’re supportive of his lifestyle, does that create a slippery slope for you to decide it’d be okay for you to live like that?”
“No. It’s just being supportive of a friend because I care.”
“It’s not wrong to associate with him, but you have to make sure that you don’t begin to see what he does as normal. The longer we’re around something, the more desensitized we become to it. If you value this friendship, I think it’s best to be honest and tell him that you need to set certain boundaries. Make sure he understands that you support him, but not what he does.”
That didn’t sit right with me, but I nodded. Derek seemed pleased by that, which should’ve made me feel happy. Sitting here, though, stuck in this conversation for the past twenty minutes, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was what I wanted. I didn’t really like this guy. Did I want to be like him or take his advice?
