Page 5 of Merry Mischief List
“Excuse me,” a security agent says, grabbing our attention. “Is this bag one of yours?” He gestures to the black backpack which, of course, belongs to Theo.
“Really, bro?” I say. “Did you forget to take your testosterone injections out?”
“Ha ha,” Theo says, narrowing his eyes on me before turning his attention to the security officer. “That’s mine, sir.”
Every time Theo turns on his preppy rich boy manners, it cracks me up.
“Please come here as I take a look through it,” the officer instructs.
Theo heads over while Stella and I wait a few steps back. The officer shuffles the bag around for a few minutes, then pulls out a tiny bottle and turns his amused gaze to Theo.
“Next time, please remove the lube from your bag and include it with your separated liquids, sir,” the officer says, handing Theo back his things.
“Sorry, won’t happen again,” Theo replies, repacking his bag.
“Seriously?” Stella asks him. “Pretty sure they sell lube in Colorado.”
“Just wanted to make sure we were prepared for the triple gumdrop,” Theo tells Stella, throwing an arm over her shoulder as we walk toward our gates. “You know, in case we gotta lube up your ass?”
“No one will be goingnearmy ass, thank you very much!” Stella declares, shoving him off. “Maybe we’ll need it foryours.”
“Hey.” Theo throws his hands up. “I’m comfortable with my masculinity. I’d be willing to take a peg for the team.”
I freeze in place. “Excuse me, theteam? I thought this was Battle of the Bitches. A vs. S. The hoedown showdown.”
“We never said help couldn’t be enlisted,” Stella points out.
“Yeah, but you’re going toTits on Icewith Theo, and I’m visitingfamily!” I snap. “Who should I enlist? My cousins? What is this,Bates Motel?”
“Calm down, I didn't mean for you to go full Judge Judy,” she grumbles.
“You know…” Theo says, throwing his arm over my shoulder. “We can head to the family restroom and knock the triple gumdrop offbothyour lists.”
I grin up at his handsome, hopeful face. “Aslife-changingas that sounds, I don’t think Stella rolls both ways.”
Stella snakes an arm around my waist and kisses my cheek. “With you, Andi-kins? I might be in.”
“Oh, hell yes.” Theo grins appreciatively. “Let’s get—”
“This is the final boarding call for Flight AH263 to Denver. Please proceed to gate 43.”
“No!” Theo groans. “I will literally pay someone to delay this flight.”
“Sorry, buddy.” I laugh, patting his chest. “No airport gumdrops for you.”
“A tragedy, really,” he replies.
“Well, have a safe flight,” Stella says, giving me a big hug. “And you’re going down, baby.”
“Yes, yes, I am… on Santa.” I wink, feeling confident since she and I both know that’s more than likely the one item she’ll skip.
“Don’t worry,” Theo says, hugging me goodbye. “I’m sure Arizona won’t bethatcold in the middle of winter.”
“Yeah, yeah, game on, losers.”
I wander the terminal, hunting for my winter guilty pleasure. After I’ve finally got a peppermint mocha cupcake securely stored for later, I find my gate and settle in. Pulling out my phone, I fight the urge to open up social media but ultimately cave, as always.
A picture of my friend Charlie and her shithead boyfriend, Jonathan, wearing Santa hats fills the screen.When is she gonna realize what a tool bag he is?I scroll down to another of my old fling Elijah and his new bombshell of a girlfriend petting a horse on his family ranch. Things ending between me and him were so much simpler than the shit show with Olivia.
