Page 37 of Merry Mischief List
“That’s not stupid. I get it. I have my pre-game routine too, and I always feel a little off if I don’t get to complete it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I like to eat a light meal. Do some yoga. Listen to a little Lana Del Rey. Really sets the mood for game day.”
“Sounds nice,” he says, shifting in place. “I guess for me it feels like without it, everything I’ve worked for would fall apart. Or if I alter my routine by even the smallest degree, it’ll shift everything like the butterfly effect and ruin my life.”
His admission surprises me. “That’s a ton of pressure to put on yourself.”
“I know.” Silence stretches between us, and I worry he’s going to throw back up those steel walls he hides behind. “The last time I veered from the routine, it cost me my career. Feels too risky to let it happen again.”
“I don’t understand,” I say, trying to sort through any information Jess mentioned about the accident, which wasn’t much. “I thought you got hurt playing.”
Another stretch of silence. “Jess never talked about what happened?”
“No?” A weight settles in my stomach. Was it worse than I knew? Should I have pressed Jess more to talk about it? I thought she was just being private like always. “She and I don’t really talk much about personal stuff.”
“Sounds like Jess,” he says with a humorless laugh.
“Will you tell me about it?”
He releases a soft sigh. “Well, I used to have this pre-game routine, and I never deviated from it. Not since starting college ball and definitely not when I went to the pros. I’d stay home or in the hotel room, spend time alone, no social media or phone calls. No distractions. Just me, a little music, and maybe an audiobook or something to pass the time until we had to be at the stadium.”
“Glad some things never change,” I tease lightly.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
“So what happened?”
“One day, before a late afternoon game, Jess asked me to meet her for breakfast. There was a new brunch place downtown and she, I don’t know, she said she really wanted to see me, and I was so in love with her I thought, fuck it. One day deviating from the routine shouldn’t hurt.” I swallow hard, uncomfortable at his admission of his previous feelings for her. “So anyway, we met for breakfast, and then when I was on the way to the stadium, I got T-boned by someone running a red light,” he says. “I dislocated my shoulder and broke my back in two places.”
“Porter,” I gasp. “You agreed to sleep on the couch, and you have a back injury!”
“Hada back injury,” he corrects. But we both know better. Most back injuries cause long-term damage, which is why he’s now coaching instead of playing pro where he should be.
“I know you said you have full mobility, but do you still have tenderness or any other issues?” I ask, physical therapist studies on full display.
“Occasionally, but it’s been six years. So I’m fully cleared.”
Six years was right around the time—
“Is that why you broke up with Jess?” I blurt.
“I’m sorry?” he scoffs. “Sheleftme.”
“What do you mean,she left?” I say, sitting straight up. Jess always made it seem like she was the one who got dumped. Although knowing her, it doesn’t surprise me she stretched the truth.
“Well, after it was obvious I wouldn’t play in the NFL anymore, she made a slow exit. I think watching me in recovery was too hard for her. I lost twenty pounds within a month because it was so painful to do anything, including eat. And I looked awful.”
“So? You don’t leave someone because they’re injured. What about ‘in sickness and in health?’ Shouldn’t that apply to the people you’re dating too?”
He shrugs. “Not everyone is made to handle that type of situation.”
I definitely don’t consider Jess weak, but her career is everything to her. And if she felt caring for Porter was a distraction,thatI can see her abandoning him over.Even though it’s completely fucked up.
“Do you miss her?” I ask, desperate to know. Our kiss earlier was fireworks, but I can’t risk hooking up with someone who’s using me to feel closer to my sister. That’s plain insulting.
“I miss what we could’ve been,” he says candidly. “The future we planned that we’ll never have the chance to have. But her? No, I don’t.”
