Page 144 of Return Policy
“Of course I trust you,” I say softly.
“You… you told me you love me, but you couldn’t tell me all the things affecting you most on theinside.” She presses her finger lightly against the center of my bare chest. “I don’t just want to know the you from campus—the football playing, funny jock that lights up every room. I want to know the you fromhere—Elijah Anderson, son,brother. The man with actual feelings—happy, sad, angry, whatever. I want you to shareeverythingwith me.”
I nod my head, angry as hell at myself for not opening up sooner.
“Fuck!” she groans up at the ceiling. “I feel awful. I’m making this all about me when you’re obviously going through so much.”
“It’s okay… You’re allowed to feel how you feel. And Iwantyou to tell me how you feel.” I place my forehead on hers. “Please… please, tell me how you feel.”
“You want to know how I feel?” she asks, her voice breaking. “I feel like I’ve been dating this amazing guy for almost two months. And he’s better than I could have ever imagined. And he knows me, and he cares for me and makes me feel seen. He accepts all the dark parts of my past and makes the shadows hanging over me completely disappear.” She pauses, shifting in my lap as her hand trembles on my chest. “But I also feel like I don’t even know himat all.”
Pain zaps through my entire body. I’m connected to an electric chair, and her words flicked on the power.
“Of course you know me.” A lone tear escapes her eye, and I wipe it away. “Of course you do, baby. Please don’t say that.” I rub my fist against my chest to ease the ache, but it does nothing to relieve the torment and regret swirling inside me.
“I just…” She exhales heavily and looks away. “I always thought you were a hundred percent honest with me. It was something I loved most about you…” Her eyes reconnect with mine. “Even at the springs the first time we met, I thought the connection we had asstrangerswas unreal because of all the stuff we shared.”
“It was,” I assure her. “Itis.”
“And then I opened up to you about one of the worst things in my life. And you’ve been so supportive… But now I find out there’s this huge part ofyouthat you kept hidden away from the world… away fromme. And that makes me sad.” Her lips turn downwards at the last sentence as the tears continue to fall. “I’m afraid there’s more I don’t know. That I’ll always be out of the loop.”
“Soph, I—”
“Please let me finish,” she says gently. “I never thought I would find someone who could love all the parts of me. The darkness, the light, and the shadows in between. Someone who didn’t make me feel like I had truckloads of baggage they were accepting but hopped in the driver’s seat to share the load.” She smiles at me sincerely. “You’ve done that for me… Every ounce of baggage I have, you lift willingly and eagerly, and you never let me feel damaged or broken for more than the moment it takes the words to leave my mouth.”
I rub my thumb along her jawline. “And?”
She shakes her head, and the pain in her eyes makes me sick. “And I know I probably sound like a hypocrite because I hid things from you too…” She swallows hard. “Yesterday you told me youlovedme…”
“Sophia,” I whisper, terrified of her next words.
“I know you want me to say it back.” She frowns, and I hold my breath to calm my nerves. “Elijah, I… I’mafraidto love you. I’m so terrified to love you because I’m absolutely heartbreakingly petrified to lose you. Or worse, to find out you’re not who I thought you were.” She swallows hard, and I’ve lost the ability to speak. “You say you love me, but I—Elijah, I’ve heard those words before.”
I tighten my grip on her body, wishing I could erase every negative thought racing through her mind.
“Someone once promised they loved me.” My veins ignite. I’m furious she could possibly compare me to Seth. Furious with myself for giving her the chance. “But he lied.” She touches my face gently, and I lean into it. “How do I know you’re not lying? How do I know you’re not keeping anything else from me?”
“I would never lie about this,” I plead, reaching up and placing my palm over hers.
“I think Seth might have loved me before. But when it came down to it, he hurt me for his own selfish reasons.” Her hands tremble. “The things he did… If someone can do those things to someone they loved… does the word even mean anything at all?”
A heavy weight settles in my stomach as she looks at me with wet green eyes—two glistening, stained glass windows straight to her shattered, untrusting soul.
“Sophia… please don’t compare me to him. I would rather break both my arms and never play football again than cause you even a flicker of pain.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.” I slide her off my lap to the mattress and kneel in front of her, taking her hands in mine.
“I was telling the truth last night when I promised you no more secrets. I won’t do anything behind your back. I won’t keep anything from you. If you ask me something, I’ll answer you fully and honestly.” She looks down, and I place my hands on her face. “You know me, baby. You fuckingknowme. You know me more than I’ve ever let anyone know me, and I’m so sorry I waited to tell you the painful parts of me. I’m so damn sorry. But I mean every word I’ve said. And the thing I’ve said that I mean more than anything else…” I brush my knuckles against her cheek. “Iloveyou.”
My hands rub along her soft skin. “And not the simple ‘I love that girl and I’m never letting her go’ type of way… I love you to the point my heart shatters at the thought of you doubting me for one millisecond.” I take her palm, pressing it flat against my pounding heart. “I’m so devastatingly in love with you, I have to remind myself to breathe every time you smile, and my hands crave your skin like a bad habit I never want to break. I love you unconditionally. I love youdesperately.I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone, and I never want to give you a single reason to not believe that.”
She swallows hard, and I take her hands in mine.
“Sophia, I love you so much that the thought of you hurting or someone laying a finger on you makes me insane. I’d do anything to protect you…anything.” My voice shakes. “I love you, Sunflower, and I will spend every single damn day of my life proving I do… Please give me the chance.”
She kisses me softly, then rests her forehead against mine. “Okay.”
I wish she would say those words back. I understand I have to be patient. She has a heavy past, and I haven’t exactly made it easy for her… but fuck, I just want to hear her sweet voice say she loves me too.
