Page 83 of Cover Story
‘I get it,’ Connor nodded.
‘Then Ant turns up at Deansgate, as you say. I’m worried about the pattern of escalation. Speaking of which, the email about you is here,’ Bel said, checking her phone, and Connor’s jaw dropped.
‘Emailing now?!’ Connor pulled back his sleeve on a Patek Phillippe vintage watch, a gift from Shaun. ‘It’s almost midnight?’
‘Yep,’ Bel scrolled her handset. ‘Do you want an excerpt? They’re all in this mad, melodramatic tone. Shilpa calls them his Batman-villain monologues.’
‘Go on,’ Connor said, eyes wide. ‘This sounds like a bid for a sectioning, to be honest.’
‘Dear Isabel,’ Bel read aloud, ‘It has been devastating to me, since we parted, to discover how vicious you can be and yet I am not too proud to admit that this evening has emotionally demolished me. I assume you and that AI generated matinee idol are involved with each other, despite the claim you are merely “colleagues” as we once were. Do you know how the thought of you with someone else affects me? Do you care in the slightest that I’m lying here, tortured by visions of the two of you together? I wonder often if you know what you do to me. If I visited your apartment now, would he be there? Unlike me, does he get to undress you, to know what it’s like to …’
Bel stopped reading with a sudden gulp mid-sentence, looking up at Connor with evident embarrassment.
‘God, sorry! I had no idea that was going to take a swerve into softcore. Fucking hell. What iswrongwith him?’
Connor looked appalled and Bel misread why: ‘You don’t deserve to be dragged into this sordid mess of my making and I shouldn’t have shared that—’
‘I’m glad you told me because I want to help. I know I’m trying to plot the coordinates of a fever dream, but calling you “vicious”– why would you tell Anthony if you were seeing someone?’
‘Right?! Because we’re in love, you see? But I’m so fearful of the size and power of that once-in-a-lifetime love, I’m running scared of it. Moving to Manchester, my private life, my aversion to having anything more to do with Ant– it’s all one giantdisplacement activity. He’s trying to make me face up to it or else I will ruin both our lives with my denial.’
‘Bel, I don’t want to upset you but this is really worrying,’ Connor said. ‘He’s got to be staying over in the city with these awards, hasn’t he? He says “apartment” there– does he have your address?’
‘God, no! I can’t see how he would?’
‘That sounds like a threat to me and a hint that he does have it.’
‘Oh,’ Bel said.
‘Can I read the rest of the email?’
‘Erm. If you want to.’
Bel surrendered her phone, wincing. Connor scanned Anthony’s furious fantasies about Connor’s access to Bel, with a stomach-turning twist that Anthony was sure Bel was thinking of him at crucial junctures. Connor hated Anthony anyway but if he was going to claim Bel’s mind was straying during the sex they weren’t having, it was personal.I can promise you, in this entirely theoretical coupling, I would command her full attention.
It was followed by entreaties to meet Ant to ‘lay all our cards on the table’.
He handed her iPhone back.
‘At the risk of making your evening go from bad to very bad to even worse, how would you feel about me kipping in your spare room tonight?’ Connor said.
‘I wouldn’t mind at all, but why?’
‘He’s got a whole night here tonight and he hoped to spend it with you. He’s a stranger to boundaries and dignity. This guy is going to come round.’
47
‘Can I ask you something, and please don’t take it the wrong way,’ Connor said.
‘Like all people asked that, I am immediately going to identify what the wrong way would be and take it– and, moreover, assume that was how I was meant to take it. Go ahead.’
They were drinking cups of builder’s tea at her kitchen island, trying to sober up, amid moody illuminations. There was no way of turning on the lights in this place that didn’t look like you were planning a seduction or a party, so Bel didn’t try.
‘How did Ant ever impress you enough to pull you? I can’t imagine it. I know he’s only mid-forties but even the young fogey thing …? That said, I’ve never met a guy you like so I have no idea what your type is, and I’m running my mouth as I’m pissed. Also, I sound like I’m victim blaming and I promise I’m not. I suppose I’m saying: what’s he like when he’s not like that?’
Bel smiled and sighed. It occurred to her Connor was very easy to talk to really. Her senses were Martini-fugged, true, but she wasn’t sure why she’d ever thought he wasn’t.
‘I know. First, imagine me in my state of avoidance of knowing I had to end things with Tim. He had our mums saying they couldn’t wait to be co-grandmothers and I’msecretly crying in the bath I’m so unhappy. Then, secondly, Ant is known as theloveliest guyat work. Ask anyone at his paper. They’d say “would do anything for anyone” and “goes the extra mile for interviewees”, sending them cuttings, checking back in on them. He’s very well read and pops over to your desk to lend you something he thinks you’d like. I remember one bloke saying “he’s an old school gentleman– you don’t get many of those anymore”.’
