Page 76 of Between Us
‘I honestly thought he’d checked out of it.’
They walked uphill in silence for a moment.
‘You talk about you and Joe in terms of what he wantsand what he might be doing or thinking or feeling all the time, but say very little about yourself.’
‘Hah, yes. He said I was “undemanding”,’ Roisin shot back, though she knew she was replying quickly to mask her discomfort. She needed to do better than that. ‘… Something shifted, in the last year. It was confirmed for me in the fight we had. I always liked how intelligent and sharp and witty he was, but I’ve come to see Joe as— I see him differently. I worry that he’s got a very hard, pitiless streak.’
Matt did a double-take.
‘What?’
‘That … is new?’
‘New to me. Is that stupid of me?’
Matt hesitated, so Roisin assumed the answer to that was:yes.
‘I always assumed you liked that.’
‘What?’
‘That he’s a Mean Boy.’ He looked at her with an awkward expression. The uncertain, apologetic face someone pulls when they know a conversation has strayed beyond the limits that your conversations usually keep and can’t predict the reaction.
Roisin didn’t know what to say. Even allowing for the fact that Matt was pissed at Joe, he said it so simply, so starkly. As if it wasn’t subjective. It was the conversational equivalent of accidentally seeing yourself in the front-facing phone camera.
Joe was mean – and Roisin ‘liked it’?
She supposed she had. She thought he was clever. Whatdid it say about Roisin, that she had chosen mean? How did you explain having fallen in love with someone who wasn’t nice?
It wasn’t a very sympathetic error.
‘I don’t want you to think I’d stay in a bad relationship for bribes,’ she said, not knowing what else to say.
‘I don’t think that,’ Matt said. ‘Not for a second.’
‘It’s been nearly ten years. I thought he might’ve been having monkey sex behind my back. I need to get my head together before next steps.’
‘Sure.’
Roisin needed to be alone to dwell on what Matt had said and she needed conversation about something else. She opted for Matt’s employment.
‘I’m going to be careful with my payoff, as I expect the raw terror of “no one else will hire me” will bear down suddenly in the middle of the night like the shrieking ghost inThe Woman in Black,’ he said.
‘If you were really up against it, could your family not tide you over? You know I’m not saying that in the way Joe would.’
‘Hah. Nope. I’m sure I was disinherited years ago.’
‘Seriously?’ Roisin said, stopping dead for a second in surprise.
‘Yeah,’ Matt said, balled hands thrust in denim jacket pockets. ‘I mean, I assume I was. I’ve not seen my parents or my brother in four years, so I guess so. It’s a fair assumption.’
‘I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’
Matt lived in a city apartment at Deansgate Square with its own lift, a mezzanine bedroom with floating staircase and a herringbone parquet floor. Joe called itfur coat AND fur knickers wealth, but she supposed it could all be on tick.
‘No, I’ve not made it known. Please don’t tell anyone, either.’
‘Of course. But … you go home at Christmas?’ Roisin said, frowning, running sums in her head. ‘I thought I saw photos?’
