Page 101 of Mad About You
‘Yeah. And when are they all going to be in one place? The Queen’s Hotel, four p.m., this Saturday,’ Marianne said.
‘Your wedding?’ Harriet said, in awed half-whisper.
‘Yeah,’ Marianne said. ‘My big fat bleak wedding. To which you both have scored an invite, haha.’
She sat back and crossed her arms, and were it not for modern restrictions, Harriet felt sure she’d be sparking up a Marlboro Light, in Lauren Bacall manner.
‘We declare Scott’s a shit, on yourweddingday?’ Harriet repeated.
‘Preferably before “I do”, or I’ll be in a fix. What do youthink?’ Marianne tucked a curl behind her ear. No wonder she’d got up this morning and fancied a power ’do blow-dry.
Nina let out a low whistle.
‘As a concept, it’s got impact,’ Nina said.
‘You’d be gathering everyone together though, wasting all your money on going ahead …?’ Harriet said, and as soon as the words left her mouth, she saw Marianne’s point. There was nothing to be saved by cancelling it, not even face.
‘Oh, that expense is gone.’ Marianne huffed a laugh. ‘And it was my savings. I made a killing on my flat when I moved in with Scott. Always been good with money,’ Marianne said, with a wave of her hand as if swatting a fly. ‘Until now, that is, hahaha. But yeah, dress, venue, the honeymoon in the Caribbean. When I decided to use the wedding instead of calling it off, it was the most massive brainwave moment,’ Marianne continued. ‘Instead of ringing every guest and explaining to them why it’s not happening, one by one, in a race before Scott can get to them, I tell them all at once.The truth.’
The three of them looked at each other.
OK, maybe Harriet was having the ouija board ‘communication from the Hereafter’ heightened delusion she feared, but she could actually see a magnificence to this.
‘I know it’s a lot to ask of you,’ Marianne said.
A pause.
‘You in?’ Nina said to Harriet.
‘I’m in,’ Harriet said, even if her stomach was cramping.
‘I’m in too.’
‘Well you ladies didn’t need much convincing.Legends only,’Marianne nodded, as if this was religious catechism as opposed to social media lol-speak.
Harriet was glad Marianne had suggested this, because it could have only come from the bride-to-be.
‘There is that bit in the wedding vows when the person marrying you says, “If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be lawfully joined …”’ Harriet said. ‘Which I always assume must be an archaic leftover from when bigamy was rife, or something. We could use that as our cue. I don’t know. Has anyone ever done that?’
‘Fuuu— That’s it. Harriet, that’s it!’ Marianne hissed, leaning forward in excitement.
‘Is it?’
‘Yeah! The only thing I couldn’t work out was how and when. You stand up and say: “I know a reason.” Then Nina could stand up and say “So do I.” Then I say, “Scott, I’m not marrying you.”.’
Marianne mimed a mic drop.
They were briefly silent as they took in the enormity of the proposition. This did not feel within the scope of things that could or should reasonably happen, yet they’d arrived at a place where it not only felt inevitable, but vital. They’d never have this opportunity again.
‘That said, they often leave that line out of the service nowadays,’ Harriet said. She knew her cautious nature was showing, appointing herself the problem finder.
‘It’s definitely in ours because I was so antsy about forgetting things or speaking at the wrong time, the celebrant gave me a printout of her whole speech, with X marked for mybits,’ Marianne said. ‘I can double-check, but I remember it was there.’
‘Are you really, really sure you want do this?’ Harriet said. ‘Once you’re in your dress and your guests are arriving, the jitters kick in …’
‘Yes, I really do. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared …’ Marianne’s gaze strayed to Nina’s plate. ‘Is that a Stroopwafel? I love them.’ Then her gaze became focused once more. ‘It’s such a once-in-a-lifetime chance to put a man like him back in his box, isn’t it? If you speak, and Nina speaks, then everyone knows who he is, and why I’m doing it. He has to come up with a reason why all three of us are lying.Dodge this.’ She mimed aiming a sight upon him.
She hesitated. ‘I can move out to my mum’s while we sell the house. I wish I hadn’t come to my senses the week before our wedding, but … As my boss always says, we are where we are.’
