Page 126 of Last Night
‘It’s not going to be a big city,’ Ed whispers, fingers rifling in a bag of Frazzles. ‘It’s got to be Slough equivalent.’
He throws a Frazzle to Leonard who wakes up, eats it and goes straight back to sleep.
‘It’s where the John Travolta dancing guy comes from,’ I whisper.
‘Which was Reading,’ Justin says.
‘It’s not! Back me up, Francis.’
Francis nods. ‘Reading’s too big.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Also not funny enough, somehow.’
‘Is Slough funny?’ Justin sniffs.
‘Intrinsically, yes,’ Ed says. ‘Imagine Vic Reeves singing in melodramatic voice …the whore was from SLOUGH!Funny.’
‘Swindon,’ Finlay says.
We all look at him in surprise.
‘You live in New York, you don’t know our trivia,’ I say.
‘It was on well before I left Britain, and we have the BBC over there.’
‘Swindon? You’re sure?’ I say.
‘Yep,’ Fin says, necking more beer. He complains about the ‘Carrington half stone’ he’s put on since we started dating, three months ago. As someone who regularly spins out brushing her teeth to watch him shower, I can confirm it suits him.
‘Right, that’s the last question,’ the compere says. ‘We’ll have a short break, then I’ll be back to do the scores.’
‘When do you fly back this time, Fin?’ Justin says.
‘Wednesday,’ he says. ‘I’ve reached the plausible limit of Skype consultations, for time being. Eve’s going to join me for her month in New York, the week after.’
He reaches up and touches the nape of my neck, under my ponytail. ‘I’m going to show her the tourist stuff this time, which I’ve never had a cause to bother with until now.’
‘Can’t wait. That’s when me and Rog gonna PARTAY,’ Ed says, doing heavy metal horn hands. ‘Slash, watch a lot ofQueer Eyeand eat Dixy fried chicken.’
‘Really grateful to you for the house and Rog sit,’ I say.
‘Pleasure is mine. Your house beats my flat any day.’
Ed got a tough time from Hester over the sale of their home and ended up announcing his lack of interest in re-entering the property market, for the time being. He’s renting a flat at the moment but it’s a real man hole – dirty bike propped against radiator, no pictures up. He’s on Tinder, and has some tragicomic tales already. It feels quite the switcheroo, Justin and I being in serious relationships, Ed single.
‘Your boss is definitely OK with your sabbatical?’ Ed says.
‘OK-ish,’ I say. ‘She’s signed it off.’
‘Shhh,’ Francis says. ‘Results!’
‘I smell victory,’ Ed says. ‘Breathe it in, my bitches.’
‘If we had victories as often as you smell them, Ed, we’d be banned from this quiz the same way Ben Affleck isn’t allowed in Vegas casinos.’
‘Really, what for? Being rich?’ Ed says.
