“Yep!” I continued to avoid her eye contact as I wiped down the counter.
“How do you knowJace Vargas?”
“Why do you keep saying his full name like that?” I played dumb, which was incredibly stupid of me. You don’t play dumb with Leah. She’s like a shark. Once there’s blood in the water, you get out of the water, fast, or prepare to be eaten.
She eyed me hard, crossing her arms.
I glanced toward the living room where our two youngest kids and Max were happily playing a video game; her husband and daughter had gone home when the party ended. Sighing, I grabbed a towel to dry my hands, knowing I needed to come clean about how I met Jace.
“Look, I didn’t say anything when we were at the puppet show, but I’d met Jace before. He’s been valeting my car at the country club when I had brunch with my father. When I was waiting for Ryla and Max at school this week, I ran into him again and we talked. Then he showed up as the clown today, but I had no idea it was him until I found him in my parents’ old bedroom.”
Leah’s jaw got progressively more slack as my story unfolded.
“Then my father walked in and saw Jace shirtless, and I panicked and shouted that Jace was our new nanny, and now, he’s our nanny.”
Once I was done speaking, she grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me backward.
“What are you—” I started to ask as she shoved me into the kitchen pantry and shut the door. Crossing her arms, she stared me down from only three inches away.
“Why did you just shove me into the pantry?”
Leah didn’t seem to register my question, suspicion oozed out of her every pore. “Why was Jace shirtless?”
“I don’t know! I found him like that. I’m assuming it’s because his face paint gave him a flesh-eating bacteria,” I deflected.
Leah refused to be derailed. “Who talked to whom first?”
“Today?” I asked, confused.
“No, at the school,” Leah said impatiently, like I was the one not making sense here.
I crossed my arms. “I don’t remember. I think he did.”
“With or without the kids?”
“At first without the kids, then with the kids. He walked with Ryla when Max had a panic attack. He was really good with Ry—hey!” I sputtered as Leah reached out to grab my shoulders.
“Spill it.”
“There is nothing to spill! He was wheeling out his suitcases of puppets, and I talked to him for like five minutes. He was great with the kids and then we all walked out to the parking lot together. I really didn’t know he was the clown until after the party today. That’s it.”
“There’s really nothing going on?” Leah didn’t look convinced.
Scoffing, I shrugged out of her hold. “No!”
Leah raised one eyebrow. “Why didn’t you tell me about knowing him, then, if nothing is going on?”
It was a fair question, but I still looked to the side, adjusting an off center box of noodles to delay my answer. A part of me didn’t want to say anything because I knew she’d know, in that sneaky soothsayer way of hers, that I was attracted to Jace, even though I really didn’t want to be attracted to him. Even though I knew Leah had never given me a reason to think she’d judge me for being attracted to Jace, I still feared her response. Guilt battled with my fear of judgment, halting my explanation, making me open and close my mouth without words.
An understanding expression overcame Leah’s face as she took in my obvious emotional wreck of a state. “It’s ok that you didn’t tell me. I’m your best friend and as your best friend, I will continue to abide by the best friend code. You’ll tell me when you’re ready.”
“What’s the best friend code?”
“It’s the code wherein I know and accept you no matter what. Like, I know you grew up in an emotionally stunted state where your father held affection for ransom in exchange for appropriate behavior, making you hide your real feelings. It’s why you’re always apologizing, always wanting to give me things in exchange for my help. I know how hard it is for you to show your true self to people. Even to me.”
While Leah’s candor wasn’t atypical, the truth of her words knocked the metaphorical wind out of me. She was right. I’ve held people at arm’s length my entire life. I’d only started to find the courage to be myself in small ways these last few years, which made it all the more difficult to come home and be under my father’s thumb, yet again.
Yet, I never stopped to think what that must be like for Leah, feeling like I was holding her at arm’s length.
