I was pretty sure that whatever GI bug felled my kids, also killed whatever romantic feelings Jace had for me. Besides last night, when he tilted my chin up to assess the dark circles under my eyes, Saturday morning was the last time he’d touched me. Ryla was bouncing around the house with energy, up at the crack of dawn, so I couldn’t even talk to Jace like normal when I left for work that morning.
Later that afternoon, I took a late lunch to meet Leah at Daisy’s Nut House for donut-burgers. She’d been raving about them, and I understood why. Donut? Yes. Burger? Yes. Donut-burger? Hell yes.
“Before I forget,” Leah said after taking a fortifying sip of her iced coffee, “we told Eric he can bring a friend along bowling to Belle’s birthday party next Friday and he wants to ask Ryla. I thought I’d ask you first.”
“Would I have a problem with Eric inviting Ryla to the party?” I repeated, lifting my eyebrows. “Leah. I wouldn’t mind if Eric wanted tomarryRyla. I’d start saving for her dowry tonight. Though, I’d watch her with a bowling ball if I were you. You sure you don’t want me to come?”
“Nope, kids only. Belle made that very clear. We’re only invited because ‘we’re the money.’ I’ll plan on bringing Max and Ryla home with us from summer school on Friday so we can take them to the party. The party should last about four hours or so. Take the free time and run!”
We were laughing when our food was delivered. The donut-burger looked amazing. I’d lost my appetite the last few days, but it was back with vengeance. After taking a bite, I looked at Leah with wide eyes. She nodded as if silently saying, See? I told you.She then proceeded to take the largest bite of a burger I’d ever seen in real life. At least one third of her donut-burger was gone.
“How is this so good?”
“Grease and sugar,” Leah mumbled, her mouth full. After swallowing, she asked. “So, purple tips,” I rolled my eyes, “how’s it going with yournanny?”
She said nanny so suggestively I was tempted to roll my eyes again. Not that I hadn’t been expecting the question. Leah had been texting me nonstop since Saturday.
“It’s going great. The kids love him.”
Leah gave me a flat look. “Not good enough. You’ve ignored my text messages enough. Spill.” She took another gigantic bite with relish.
Craning my head around us, seeing no one within earshot, I turned back to Leah and lowered my voice. “You can’t tell anyone. But Jace and I . . .” I didn’t finish, not really knowing how to. Because really, what were we?
Thankfully, Leah didn’t need clarification. A very pleased and very smug expression overtook her face.
“I knew it! Thatta girl. Way to get back on the horse. Soooo.” Leah’s eyes flashed as she took a sip of her iced coffee and smacked her lips. “How was he? Are we talking bases? Home runs?”
It was impossible to hide the giddy smile that came over my face when I thought about Jace. “I don’t even know how to put what’s happening into words. Amazing? Surreal?”
“I told you he was a unicorn.”
“You did. And he’s better than anyone I’ve ever seen with the kids, possibly even Giselle. He completely gets Ryla, and Max has opened up so much. I know he’s younger than me but being with him feels easy. I laugh more than I ever have. And Jace is sohimself. Unapologetically. It makes me want to be that brave. To try new things. It’s freeing and all the things I want.”
“But . . .” Leah dragged out the word.
“But then my kids got the plague, and he hasn’t touched me for four days so I’ve pretty much convinced myself that it’s over. If it’s not, it’s only a matter of time before he figures out this wasn’t what he signed up for and leaves. Ican’tlet the kids lose yet another person in their lives. It’d break them. And what about what’s best for Jace? He wants to go back to college to study teaching. Is being here, with us, with me, really what he wants? And that’s not to mention the fear that my father is going to find out about all this.”
Leah was frowning and shaking her head before I finished.
“First,” she held up three fingers and started ticking them off, “vomit takes any sexual desire from your body and kills it dead. I wouldn’t take that one personally. Second, it’s up to Jace to decide what he wants, not you. And third, your father is a Grade A Pensis who deserve a nice vacation in my butthole.”
I snorted, almost choking on my iced coffee as Leah calmly picked up and took another bite of her donut-burger.
“How long have you been waiting to say that?”
Leah put her hand over her mouth while chewing. “A long time.”
I slumped back in my seat. “I haven’t talked to Jace about any of this, except that we’re keeping things private for now.”
“That’s your first step. Ask him those questions. The worst he can do is leave, right? And from what you’ve just said, it’d be better if he leaves now, rather than when the kids get too attached. If he does leave, then it wasn’t meant to be, and you don’t have to waste any more time finding someone worthy of your heart.”
“While that’s very kind, my fear is that maybe hecouldbe the one. What if it’s too soon to have these serious conversations and I scare him off?”
Leah seemed to ponder this for a moment. “Ok. Answer this question. If you had no father to please, no world to judge you, what would you want?”
“I’d want my kids to be happy. I’d want to live in a house that I own free and clear. I’d want a job that I loved and felt passionate about, and . . .”
I looked at Leah helplessly, the plain truth suddenly causing my heart to ache.
