Page 39 of After 5
Unless you live in the outskirts of Alaska, the need is not what it used to be.
He skipped through my soldiers of roses to the outhouse and opened the door.
“Darryl, I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Gertie cautioned.
It was too late. He stood inside and ran his hand along the grain of the wood.
Gertie and I took a step back. “I reckon these handles are for—yeee!”
Before he could finish his sentence, my outhouse belched him into the air. He landed face to the sky in the hedge of Japanese Boxwood.
Gertie rushed over. “Are you all right?”
I casually followed behind her, suppressing a small, proud smile.
“That was awesome! Gosh, how much you want for it?”
“Um, it’s not for sale,” I said and offered him a hand.
“Why do you want an outhouse?” Gertie asked him.
He grasped my hand, and I pulled him to his feet. “I’m a picker.”
“A whatter?” Gertie asked.
“A picker.” He plucked the spiky leaves off his pants.
“I thought you were a singer?” I asked.
“And a bartender,” Gertie added.
“I do those jobs after five during the week and on the weekends. During the day, I’m a picker. I take old things and make them cool, then I sell them on Etsy, eBay, and other Internet sites.
“Sorry, the outhouse isn’t for sale,” I said again.
His shoulders slumped. “Too bad. It’d make a nice potting shed.”
We returned inside, and Gertie plated the ham. I offered him a choice of beer or wine. He took the beer, and I poured Gertie and me a glass of wine.
“Where do you find most of your things?” I asked as we sat down at the table.
“I go to estate sales, garage sales, and sometimes I drive around and see what people leave out at the curb. Once I found a hundred dollars someone left in an old dresser.”
“Cool,” Gertie said.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to live next door to a Junker, but it was better than living next to a drug dealer.
“Y’all will have to come over once I get all moved in. I got some real good pieces you might want to buy.”
We sat around my table eating the ham. Darryl shook his head and pinched his arm.
“I can’t believe I have a whole house to myself.”
“Is this the first time you’ve lived away from home?” I asked him.
“Yepper, I’m going to miss my mee-maw, but I have you gals to keep me company.”
Hold the front door! “We’re not home much,” I said, and Gertie elbowed me.
