Page 103 of After 5
A short, stocky man with ear to jowl sideburns rose from his seat on a decayed stump and headed toward us. His sword clanged against the gun at his side.
“General Lee, I would like a word.”
I moved toward him, blocked his path to the fake general.
“Back away,” I ordered, holding my hands up to stop his progression. “General Lee has acquired a contagious affliction.”
The man froze. Worry lines creased his brow.
I stalled the lieutenant colonel long enough for Sam and Gertie to help Marco off the horse and into the tent.
The men gathered around me.
“Sir, is it bad, sir?” a scout to my right asked me.
“General Lee will be under the weather for twenty-four hours.” I figured if that’s all the time I had, then that’s all the general needed, too.
“What does he have?” A lean, balding general with a bandage across his forehead demanded.
Realizing my error, my eyes cut toward the tent. Gertie was inside. We hadn’t discussed the ailment from which the general suffered. I couldn’t remember which one was fatal. If the general happened to reappear, I wasn’t sure which disease he would recover from rapidly. I couldn’t choose dysentery because practically all the men suffered from it, and a bad case of diarrhea wouldn’t keep them at bay. I needed something contagious, but not so dreadful the subordinates would question the general’s decision-making ability.
“What has the general ill?” A general with kind eyes and a nicely groomed beard asked.
I stepped back and spread my arms wide.
“The general suffers from—germs.”
“Germs? Never heard of it.” The lieutenant colonel balked at my improvised illness.
“Very contagious. He’ll need complete isolation.” Gertie appeared next to me.
“What are his symptoms?” the balding general asked me.
“Diarrhea, vomiting and…enlargement of the genitalia. Extremely contagious.”
The general winced.
“Dr. Seuss has offered to care for General Lee as he’s been exposed to the germs,” Gertie told the skeptical group.
“Yes, yes. I’ve been exposed to it and lived to see another day, therefore I have an immunity. Only affects the men. My vivandière will assist me in the care of the general.”
“A vivandière?” one of the general’s huffed. “Why? Where is Dr. Guild? He’s the best in the entire corps.”
Another general puffed his chest out. “I beg your pardon, Doc McGuire’d do a better job tendin’ the commander.”
As the men began to rabble-rouse, I stepped between them.
“I assure you, generals, I am the only doctor present who understands the exposure to germs.” I paused for effect. “General Lee won’t be pleased y’all are questioning his orders.”
The thin man’s back straightened. “Please give the general my regards, and I wish him a most speedy recovery. I’ll wait for his command.”
“The general will issue orders via his aide.” I indicated Sam, who stepped from the tent.
“I’m supposed to take orders from a junior aide-de-camp?” The squat general bellowed, a cigar clamped between his teeth.
“Doctor, you’re needed in the uhm, tent,” Sam said.
“Private Raney has volunteered to expose himself to germs to support this war and General Lee.”
