“I’m not. Obviously. I mean, it was the best solution at the time. I’m too far from fading away to consider it again. And you have come up with an alternative solution I like a lot better than turning into a statue.”
How can she be so very cavalier? “You’re a corpse. You can’t move. You can’t touch, or feel, or see, or dance in the rain. Why don’t you seem to care?”
She shrugs. “I’m a pretty corpse, at least. Mom’s brushing my hair every day. It used to be so dry. I doubt it’s ever been nicer.”
I think she’s doing it on purpose to provoke me now. “Why?” When she doesn’t reply, I clarify, “Why don’t you care at all?”
Her gaze evades me, gliding toward the fireplace. It’s lit up and burns bright green in this vision of hers. “I suppose because this isn’t much worse than what my life was before. I was going through the motions. I was powerless, frightened, and useless. Now I have a purpose I can embrace. I have little regret.”
My anger dissipates, replaced by something worse. I don’t think my heart can take more of this battering.
For so long I’d been intrigued and fascinated by her. I wanted to see beyond the mask, understand her, know what her life was like.
Now I find she had nothing. Nothing to hold on to, nothing to make her live.
My princess used to be a void.
“Please.” My voice is barely above a murmur. “Please, talk to someone before risking your life like this again. To your mother. Tome. You matter, Nevlaria. You matter to this world. You are more than a power source to protect the rest of us. Don’t take it upon yourself to shield everyone. Not ever again.”
She doesn’t say a word, visibly disagreeing with me.
“You don’t need a purpose. You just need to exist. Life doesn’t have to have a grand meaning.”
“I know that. I existed for decades. Now, this is who I am. The shield of Tenebris. Just like you coined yourself the shadow, I found a role that suits me.”
“No one asked you to shield us. If you hadn’t, we would have gone to war, and we might have won. The usurper had fewer human forces on our territory at the time. Either way, this would have been over by now.” I don’t quite mean that, but it feels good to say it all the same. “Next time, let the folk decide what they want to do.”
“If I had, the folk could have tried to change my mind, and they’d be dead. I don’t have to give anyone a choice. I am the heir to the crown of Tenebris. This ismyfight.”
I see it right in her eyes. What she is. What she may become.
She’s the true queen. It doesn’t matter that her mother wears the crown. She was the one who’d saved the folk, defeated our enemy, and brought us to safety.
The fact that she didn’t have to justify herself, and that her orders were law, shouldn’t bother me.
It didn’t.
My jaw tightens. “Why didn’t someone—anyone—tell me you were able to communicate, all these years? If we’refriends, as you pointed out.”
“Did you ask?” she asks, eyebrows raised.
Of course I hadn’t. I didn’t speak of her to anyone, and I avoided her family like the plague, as everything about them reminded me of her.
“You forbade them. You told them to hide it from me. You wanted topunishme.” The wild accusations spill over my lips like vomit—I can’t keep them in.
Her leveled gaze is the picture of indifference, as though my words roll off her. But I didn’t miss the fire in the depths of her stormy eyes.
I was right. By all gods and demons, I was right. “You punished me because I wasn’t playing your game, and supporting your decision to abandon us.” I step close to her, leaning forward to reach her face. Now, I whisper. “You wanted me here, and when I didn’t come, you lashed out like a scorned lover. Very mature,princess.”
She says nothing, and doesn’t move at all.
“You had no right. We aren’t lovers. We’ll never be lovers. Because. You. Left. Me.” I enunciate each word to make her feel just how profoundly they are engraved on my soul.
“I have every right,” she replied. “Besides, don’t you remember? You owe me a favor.”
I’m stunned again.
She’s absolutely unbelievable.
