Page 81 of Standing In The Sun
“What if,” she whispered, “the best view of the sun is from Heaven?”
Her voice cracked just slightly, the way it did when she was trying to carry something delicate. “What if the best view of asonis from Heaven?”
Lunar stilled and the air thickened. He looked down at her, saw the way her lashes fluttered closed again, how her hand rested on top of his now - like she knew he needed to feel her in order to feel her.
He could feel the grief bloom between them. Suddenly it didn’t feel like a sharp thing, not anymore. Just the slow ache of missing what never really leaves you.
“Ish never danced,” she added quietly. “He just kinda swayed or bopped his head to old school rap - the kind he said was real music. He swore up and down none of us young folks knew anything about it.” She smiled to herself, eyes still closed. “He’d probably talk shit about your whole catalog, say you was just mumblin’ over drums.”
Lunar chuckled. “He wouldn’t be wrong.”
“He’d say you had potential. That you just needed a little seasoning.”
“Damn, now I miss a man I never met.” He squeezed her tighter.
Ahvi leaned back into him, her head nestled into the crook of his neck. “That’s ‘cause his spirit had that kind of reach. You’d’ve liked him. He’d’ve liked you too, once he got past the tattoos and the quiet.
Her mind went to Big Lunar and how much she wished she had a chance to meet him too. Just from the videos alone, she knew he was special. She understood what made her Lunar so special too. If reincarnation was real, she knew Big Lunar’s whole spirit was rebirthed into his son - his legacy.
They sat with that for a long moment, silence stretching like a hug. It was warm and all encompassing. arms wide open.
“You ever think about it?” she asked suddenly. “What’s next? After all this?”
He hesitated. “Sometimes, but I don’t know what to believe. Heaven, reincarnation, or just…nothing. It all feels so far away from what I’ve seen.”
“Yea,” she nodded. “I think about it too. Not ‘cause I want answers, but because I miss him. Missing someone makes you imagine where they went. You start hoping for something more…for somewhere more.”
She felt Lunar’s chest rise and fall beneath her. “Maybe that’s what faith is - not knowing, but hoping anyway... ‘Cause I know my daddy is where all the real niggas go.”
She turned slightly, just enough to catch his eyes. “And love?”
He looked at her then like she was the only real thing in the world. “Love’s the proof that something else is out there...that even if we don’t get answers, we still got reasons.”
The sun was beginning its slow descent, the sky blushing with golds and purples, as if it too were eavesdropping on them sitting there smiling and rubbing their feet together.
Ahvi reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. “I think love is the closest thing to Heaven I’ll ever get down here.”
Lunar pressed a kiss to the side of her face, lingering there. “Then I must be getting closer every day.”
They sat in the quiet hum of the sunset, held by its warmth, and wrapped in a kind of stillness that didn’t need to be explained. For a moment, the sun didn’t feel cruel at all - it felt like a blessing, like something returned…something understood.
“If I want to give you the world would you let me?” Lunar’s deep voice seemed to vibrate through her body, making her heart race and her pussy crave him.
Ahvi shook her head. “Ish ain’t teach me how to accept…only take.”
“And what did Sheena teach you?”
“Probably none of the shit Tiny taught you.”
He laughed, “What did Tiny teach me, since you know every damn thing?”
“Love…Tiny taught you love. Sheena taught me how to be selfish and Ish taught me how to be a man. So no, I wouldn’t accept the world, the sun, maybe… I know the sun will rise every day but the world? The world ain’t guaranteed to no one we know.” She tried to joke. The again, you feel like the sun, so maybe that’s why I say I’ll accept that because on this journeyyou’reteaching me I can be soft and taken care of. But Ish and Sheena so deep in my head that I know I’ll fight you at every turn and I know you’ll get tired of fighting because Tiny ain’t teach you how to fight, she taught you how to love.” Ahvi fluttered her fingers over his, sucking in as much air as possible to keep her emotions at bay.
Lunar let her truth sink in. It had a lot to it but he was never one to run off. He would always stand solid on what he felt while going after what he wanted. And he wanted Ahvi and Kamari.
Resting his head in the crook of her neck. “I’m about to go out on the road… press runs, radio interviews and club appearances, I want you there with me.”
“Don’t sound like a good situation for a baby,” Ahvi replied, trying to weasel her way out of fully being submerged in Lunar’s world.
