Page 19 of Standing In The Sun
Lunar leaned back, rubbing his face again, the weight of his palm pressing into his eyes like he could squeeze the exhaustion out of them. “Man…” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know. The words just…ain’t coming, Pimp. I can feel the beat, but I can’t find the flow. My head’s too full of shit. It’s like the words are stuck behind a wall, and I can’t break through.”
The sound of the music seemed to intensify, swirling around him as if mocking his inability to connect with it. The track throbbed in the background, smooth and slick, with an infectious rhythm that should’ve had him up - writing…vibing. Instead, it just made him feel…empty.
Pimp shook his head, a small, knowing smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Man, I told you to take a break. You been on this grind for too damn long. Ain’t no way you gonna keep pushing like this and still make your best shit. You need to reset. Let your mind breathe. Go get some pussy or somethin’.”
Lunar’s eyes flickered to the mixing board, his fingers twitching with the instinct to adjust the knobs, to add more layers, to make itperfect. But he just couldn’t find the energy to care about it. Instead, he let his shoulders slump even further, as if the weight of the music industry was pressing down on him physically. He didn’t even have the strength to argue.
“I ain’t really on that right now,” he said, his voice flat, defeated. “I told Ma I was gonna lay low… and something in me is telling me to wait, like some grand shit is gonna happen and change my world.”
Pimp let out a short laugh, but it wasn’t mocking. It was full of understanding - the kind of wisdom that only came from years of experience. He sat down beside Lunar, leaning back against the wall, letting the cool breeze from the studio’s open window rustle through his locs. The night had started to settle in, and the sun had finally dipped below the horizon. The heat outside was finally letting up, replaced by the cool calm of the evening.
“You already changing the world,” Pimp said slowly, tapping his fingers against his knee. “You ain’t gotta prove nothing to no one.Youalready know what you can do. You been showing up, spitting fire since day one. I know you want to make this elite album about your Pops but maybe it ain’t time. The people want whatever Nar puts out.”
Lunar glanced over at him, his expression softening just a little. He didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want to let on how tired he really was. But damn, Pimp was right. He could feel the walls closing in around him, the weight of the work, the expectations, the pressure to keep climbing, keep moving,keep proving. Then there was Ahvi and the key to his sanity that seemed to be costing him more than ten thousand.
“I don’t know how to stop,” Lunar admitted, his voice small now, revealing a crack in his armor. “It’s like, if I stop, then what? I’m just…stuck. You know?”
Pimp was quiet for a long time. The track in the background faded to a low hum as he watched his boy wrestle with his inner thoughts. Pimp finally spoke, his voice calmer now, no longer pushing but justthere.
“You know what you are, right?” Pimp asked, his eyes meeting Lunar’s. “You’re Big Lunar’s dream in human form… A fuckin’ storm when it comes to painting stories with your words. Take a step back if you need too, my boy.”
Lunar stared at the mixing board – Pimp’s words sinking in. He wanted to argue, wanted to push back and keep going, but something in him just…clicked. The realization hit him like a tidal wave, crashing over his defenses. Pimp was right. He’d been running on fumes for so long, afraid that if he slowed down, the whole world would pass him by. But maybe the world wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe it was okay to stop…to breathe. Lunar had been trying so long to prove to the world that although he was privileged, nepotism didn’t give him his talent. That shit was raw and beautiful…natural.
It was his daddy…actually both of his fathers—both of them guiding him through life.
Just when Lunar was about to pack it up for the night, Ahvi sent him a text.
Ahvi:Tuesday at three…the post office on West Cambell.
Lunar:Bet
Ahvi: Have my money in cash, too please.
He smirked at that, feeling a slight relief wash over him even if Tuesday was two days away.
* * *
Butta rolled her eyes. “Tuesday? Like why would you tell him to meet you on Tuesday when you need the money now?”
“Just shut the fuck up!” Ahvi knew her little sister was right, but she didn’t feel like hearing all that right now.
She was still shaken up about being robbed and had been at her mama’s house since she finally found the courage to rush out the house last night. Sheena didn’t have too much to say when Ahvi pulled up with dried tears on her face. She just allowed her daughter and grandbaby to go inside.
Now, the four bedroom home felt like it was closing in on her. She loved her siblings but they could all be a bit much when you’re used to having your own space. With it being summer, there was no school for them to go to. Even then, they were up at the crack of dawn begging for something to eat or to play games on your phone. Ahvi was overstimulated and stressed the hell out.
To add to her stress, Sheena sashayed her wide hips into the room with a cigarette dangling from her lips.
“Mama!” Ahvi bucked her eyes. “Mari in here and you know I don’t like smoke around him.”
Sheena rolled her big eyes, but smushed the tip with her finger to put it out. “How you gon’ tell me what I can and can’t do in my house, lil’ girl?”
Butta shook her head at Ahvi, urging her not to push her luck with Sheena. When the two of them went at it, it never ended peacefully and Butta wasn’t in the mood to be in the middle of their shit.
Sheena leaned against the doorframe eyeing her first born daughter. Ahvi was naturally beautiful - let Sheena tell it, all her kids were cute. “Now, what happened last night?”
Huffing, Ahvi tucked her foot under her leg. “I was robbed on my way into the house. Nigga took every dime I made that night.”
“And you ain’t got no more money? Where the money from your daddy’s policy?”
