Page 76 of Kiss Me, Maybe
“Oh my god,” I say as Krystal rises from her knees. My legs feel like jelly, so I don’t think I’ll be standing up anytime soon. “That was amazing.”
“I’m glad you think so.” Her smirk is smug, and rightfully so. She grabs my hands as if to help me up. “Come on. We should clean up.”
“Together?” Her eyes glitter in answer. “Good idea. Maybe you can show me how to use that detachable shower head of yours.”
I’m never getting over this woman, and you know what? I’m not even mad about it.
Thirty-Three
My fingers are wrinkled and pruny by the time we finish up in the shower. We lost track of time in each other all over again, taking extra care to avoid kissing each other’s lips. But aside from that, nothing else was off-limits. It was freeing in a way I didn’t expect, to touch her the way I want to, to watch my fill as she came apart beneath the spray of water at her pussy, to be the reason she could no longer stand up straight.
I’m on top of the world by the time we’re both dressed and clean. Elated and invincible. As much as I wish we could spend the rest of the day together, I have some calls to make. Krystal readily agrees to drive me back home, but I can’t stop smiling, and I certainly can’t hide it either. When Krystal catches sight of whatever ridiculously giddy expression is on my face right now from the driver’s seat, her lips tug upward to mirror my own. Just as I start to think there’s nothing that could possibly bring me back down to earth, I jinx myself. Her Bluetooth screen pings with an incoming message, flashing a name that should come with alarm bells.
One new message from Isaac.
I glance away from the screen displaying the contents of the message. It’s not for me to know, unless she wants to share it with me. Her hand darts out to close the notification, but other than that she doesn’t outwardly react to Isaac’s text. It takes every ounce of willpower I possess not to ask her what he said.She’ll tell me when she’s ready.So I bite my tongue and wait for Krystal to explain, but nothing comes.
“It’s cloudy,” I say dumbly, because it’s the only thing that comes to mind after staring out the window for five minutes grappling for something to say. “You think it’s going to rain?”
She lets out a sigh, ignoring my rambling. “Angela, it’s okay. We both saw the message.”
“You don’t have to tell me what he said.” I continue staring out the window, afraid to look at her. “I want to give you the time you need to sort everything out with him.”
“I’ve had enough time for that,” she says, but before I can ask what she means, she continues. “He wants to meet. That’s what the message said.”
“Oh. Are you going to meet with him?”
“I am.” She takes in a deep breath. Lets it out slowly. “It’ll be good for us to get some closure. You were right. Maybe it’ll help us both move forward.”
“I’m glad.” But if that’s true, why does the idea of them meeting up make my heart race?Maybe because he still looks at her the same way I do. Like she hung the moon and sun and every other goddamned thing in the universe.Not that she needs to hear any of that from me. “We should talk about what happened.”
“We should,” she says carefully, eyes still on the road. “Angela, I—”
“I don’t want to put any expectations on you.” I cut her off quickly. “I know you’re not ready for a relationship, and I want to respect that. Even though I’m canceling the scavenger hunt, I don’t want you to think I’m doing it for you.”
“You’re not?” Her brows crease.
My heart isn’t in it anymore. If I’m being honest with myself, it hasn’t been for a really long time. The only reason I’ve been so determined to see this series through is for my followers. I want to give them a happy ending. Wrap up the series on a good note. For anyone like me to realize they still have time to fall in love and experience romantic firsts, if those are things they actually want for themselves.
It doesn’t make sense to go on with the scavenger hunt if I’ve already found what I set out to find. Not just romantic or sexual first experiences, but so much more than I banked on. I thought I was done with self-exploration when I came out, but I’ve learned so much more about my identity through Krystal.
I fell for her long before I meant to. But I still don’t know how she feels about me, or if her feelings on romantic love will ever change.
“I guess I technically am.” I let out a nervous laugh. “But you’re not the only reason. Ever since the mural washed off and we met Natalia, I’ve been thinking—”
My phone buzzes in my back pocket. When I pull it out, Natalia’s name lights up the screen. For a moment, all I can do is stare down at it. When Krystal asks who it is, I snap out of it and swipe the screen to answer the call.
“Fine. I’ll do it,” comes the terse voice on the other end of the line, without so much as a greeting.Huh?“But you have to meet me at my studio and tell me how I can help.AndI want my art featured in at least three videos.”
“Natalia?”
“Who else would it be?” I knew it was her; she just surprised me. There’s a muffled sound over the speaker, and then a whisperedgrunt before Natalia comes back on the line. “You are still doing the scavenger hunt, aren’t you? Your last update was three days ago.”
“Right. I… it was.” I rub the side of my temple with a hand. What an inconvenient day for Natalia to change her mind. Krystal mouths,What is she saying?and all I can do is shrug.
How do I begin to explain to a near stranger what’s happening in my love life right now? Or the fact that for the first time in my life I actuallyhavea love life, and it’s impeding my plans to start having one. It would be so easy to say no. That the event is off, and I have no reason for Natalia’s help anymore. Instead, what comes out is, “Some things are up in the air right now. Can I call you back?”
She’s silent for so long, I begin to think she’s hung up. A surge of panic floods my veins, as well as the need to backtrack on my ambivalence. I don’t know what will happen with Krystal. I don’t know what she wants from me, if anything. Am I an idiot to throw out weeks of planning for a person who might not feel a fraction of what I feel for her?
