BookCon wantsme. I can put this on my NYU application.
Grams would be so proud.
I can’t believe I wenttwo whole dayswithout checking my OTP email. Was I that distracted by the concept of going to a school dance with Nash? Definitely.
Oh my God,Nash. Where is he? How did he not immediately burst into my DMs when the email came in? That’s not like him. This isn’t likeus. We’ve been talking for weeks about the inevitable BookCon decision coming soon. So where is he? Has he been just as distracted as I have? By what?Me?
No. He made it pretty clear last night where he stood. There’s someone else. Kels.
My phone buzzes on my desk with a DM and my stomach twists.
Nash Stevens
Huh. So cone of silence, but I heard via Samira that Annaliese de la Cruz got a spot on the Bloggers IRL panel.
12:31 PM
I guess notifications went out to panelists a few days ago?! I didn’t get anything. I’m assuming you didn’t either.
12:32 PM
I’m still planning on going, I think. So if you still wanted to meet up, I like wouldn’t hate that.
12:33 PM
I stare at the messages from Nash, totally at a loss.
Nash has no clue I got the panel. But he’s going to find out.
Which means he’s going to find out everything.
I type and delete and type and delete.
Turn down the panel. He never has to know. Can you even handle speaking on a panel?
The reality of being on a panel, ofspeakingon a panel, hits me all at once. What if Stella McQueen asks me a question and I totally freeze up? Or what if I say the wrong thing and embarrass myself and ruin everything—for Kels, for OTP, for Halle?
Turn it down. It’s smart. It’s safe. Protect yourself.
Except … I can’t. I might be an anxious mess, but I’m aproudanxious mess. I worked on my application for weeks. I genuinely love books and the YA community. I waschosen. I am enough. If there’s anywhere I can be Kels, for real, it’s BookCon.
Also? If I turn down BookCon for Nash and don’t get into NYU, I’ll never forgive myself.
My phone buzzes with another string of messages.
Elle Carter
Hey, Kels. Not sure where you’ve been lately, but we heard that BookCon panel emails have gone out. Here for you if you need it
12:45 PM
Samira Lee
I’m honestly shocked. I mean, Annaliese is ridiculous, but you’re totally at her level.
12:46 PM
Amy Chen
