In control of my emotions and my pelvic floor
Ready to lead five nearly feral, dangerously attractive men into the woods and not accidentally make one of them a pack alpha through prolonged eye contact
I take a deep breath and murmur a morning affirmation into the wild. “I am the guide. I am the alpha of emotional recalibration. I will not kiss anyone in the woods, no matter how vulnerable they look mid-crawl.”
“Hey!” Toad’s voice cuts through the mist like a kazoo at a funeral.
I blink, startled, and promptly drop my bead string into my coffee. “Seriously?” I groan at the cup, then shout over my shoulder, “Toad, I swear to the goddess if this is about the raccoon again.”
“Nope!” he calls. “You got a truck!”
I turn.
There is, in fact, a delivery truck crawling up the gravel path like it regrets all its life choices. Dust rises behind it. A logo I don’t recognize is printed on the side in big leafy letters:SPIRITGEAR EXPRESS.
I frown. “I didn’t order anything,” I mutter, rising to my feet, beads swinging in my hair like judgmental tassels.
Toad shrugs. “They said it’s for you. And five other recipients. Real mysterious-like.”
My stomach does a little flip. Which is probably fine. Probably. Could be breakfast panic.
I jog over just in time to see the delivery guy hop out and open the back, revealing six neatly labeled boxes with little wolf stickers on them.
Each one says:
“Bliss Calloway’s Rewilding Essentials – Participant Edition”
I stare. “Oh no.”
The driver grins. “You’re Bliss? I need a signature.”
I sign something that might be a release form or a pact with a forest deity, then grab the box marked“FEMME LEADER (One Size Fits Sacred)”and pry it open.
Inside is knee pads.
Really nice knee pads. Gel-cushioned, adjustable-strapped, eco-conscious, moss-colored, with tiny embroidered paw prints.
There’s a card taped to the inside flap, written in soft, looped handwriting.
Hi Bliss,
I figured crawling meditation might be a little more comfortable with these.
Didn’t want anyone’s knees to suffer on their path to primal rebirth.
Hope that’s okay.
Asher :)
P.S. Yours are a special order. Ethically sourced foam and the straps are lined with bamboo silk so they won’t chafe. Comfort is sacred, too.
I close the box. Open it again. Close it one more time, just to make sure I don’t accidentally cry onto the sacred foam.
Toad peers over my shoulder. “Fancy kneepads,” he says, nodding like this is normal.
“They’re for the crawling meditation,” I whisper.
Toad blinks. “You makin’ ‘em crawl today?”
