I don’t hear anymore. I know there’s talk, but the pain in my knee has gotten so bad that I put my head back on the couch. I can feel sweat on my forehead, but I refuse to take a pain pill.
“Charlie,” I manage to say. I can feel my heart beating fast. Charlie comes over and takes the tray. “I need an ice pack.” I open my eyes, and Vickie is looking down at me. My heart drops when she walks away, but when she returns with an ice pack, I have a glimmer of hope for the first time since I got here. She positions it on my knee and leaves.
Charlie helps to turn me around on the couch. He puts pillows underneath my leg and one behind my head.
Evan runs to me, holding an ice cream sandwich. He grins, knowing full well I don’t approve of sugary snacks.
“Hey, bud. Is there another one of those for me? Why don’t I take you to that playground over there?” Charlie points to the sliding glass door. “That way, we won’t make a mess. Go get one for Uncle Charlie.” Evan runs back to the kitchen, and Charlie turns back to me. “We’ll only be outside. You can see us through the door. I’d die before I’d hurt him.” I can tell he’s holding his breath while he waits for my answer. I nod at him, and he exhales.
“Come on, Uncle Charlie,” Evan yells from the kitchen. Charlie leaves, and a few minutes later, they go outside, leaving me alone with Vickie for the first time in weeks.
FORTY-SIX
I don’t care.I don’t care. I don’t care. I replay that mantra in my head but it’s my heart that won’t cooperate. There’s a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead, and his breathing is shallow. He looks thinner than when I saw him last, but he’s always been on the thin side.
I leave, get a damp washcloth, and put it to his forehead.
“Thank you, Queen,” he says. I can tell he’s uncomfortable, and I decide I’ll treat him like I would any other human being who is in pain.
“You should take something for the pain.” I know he won’t take anything that’s prescribed. No controlled substances because of the addiction problems that run in his family.
I grab a bottle of ibuprofen from my purse and take out two. “Here. This is over the counter. It might take the edge off. And you shouldn’t have driven all the way over here a few days after your surgery. That was stupid.” He takes the pills and I put his water bottle to his lips.
“I came because we need to talk.” He winces and the bottle slips from his hand, splashing on the floor. I tell him to lie down and cover him with a throw I keep on the couch. While he’s lying there, breathing hard, I grab a roll of paper towels and wipe the excess water from the floor.
“Vickie,” he begins.
“Just shut up. I’ve said all I’m going to say. It’s over, Colt. I gave you one chance. You don’t walk away from me and waltz back in when you feel like it. You made your choice. You chose everyone but me.”
“It wasn’t like that. Let me—"
“I said shut up. You can stay here until you feel better, but after that, you’ve got to leave.”
FORTY-SEVEN
I can hearher in the kitchen washing dishes in the sink. I exhale and relax on the couch. In too much pain and tired from the car ride, I let sleep take me under. When I wake up, it’s gotten dark outside, and I groan at the sound of Evan and Vickie bellowing out “Tomorrow”. Charlie joins in too. I wince and sit up. The pain in my knee has gotten better, and there’s a fresh bottle of water on the coffee table. They hit a high note, and I swear the windows shake. The three laugh, and I yell for my brother. “Can you bring my crutches? I need to use the bathroom.” He comes over and helps me up. Vickie follows, but Evan remains glued in front of the TV.
Charlie helps me to a half bathroom down the hall. The rest has not only helped my pain level, but I feel refreshed. Much more than I did when I first left New York, and I know it’s because I’m near Vickie again.
I lean against the sink and hang my head, cursing my own stupidity for pushing away the only woman I’ve ever loved. There’s a soft knock on the door, and Vickie walks in. She’s holding another bottle of water for me.
“You slept for three hours. Are you feeling better? Your mom’s worried sick. Maybe you and Charlie should get a hotel room for the night, and Evan can stay here with me. I’ve missed him, and if this is going to be the last time I spend time with him, I want to make it count.”
I hang my head again and let out a deep sigh. She sounds so matter of fact, and despite being the cause, it hurts.
“I made a mistake, Victoria. Can you please forgive me so we can move forward?” I stand up straight and look into her face. She’s as stoic as ever. I reach for her hand, but she jerks away and takes a step back, bumping into the door. I continue my approach and put both arms on either side of her, boxing her in. I make sure to put a hand on the doorknob so she can’t get to it. “Can you put yourself in my shoes just for a minute?”
She juts out her chin. Her eyes darken. She’s doing her best to hold in her anger, but I need her to unleash it so we can get this behind us.
“For a minute, Colt? I put myself in your shoes for weeks. Weeks while you were in Alabama, telling me in word and deed that you didn’t need me. Weeks where you had ice cream dates with another woman. Weeks where—”
“Are you kidding me? Robin is not another woman. We had the kids together for ice cream. All I did was think of you the entire time. You and my darn knee and the fact that my career is hangin’ on by a thread.”
She crosses her arms and brushes my chest with her elbow. It’s the most she’s touched me in weeks, and I want more.
“Come back with us. I need you.” I rest my forehead on hers, crowding her even more. She puts a hand on my chest to push me away, but I wrap my hand around her wrist. “I love you so much. You’re the first and last woman I will ever love, Victoria. I love every little thing about you. Every last thing.” She puts her free hand on mine, trying to get to the doorknob. “You came into my world and changed everything for the better. Despite not wanting a relationship at first, I love how you embraced it and fit so perfectly into my family. I love how smart and independent you are. And I know how much this teaching job in Mexico means to you. It won’t change anything between us. It’s only for a year. We’ll visit often, and I’ll fly you back and forth to New York. We can make it work. I just need you.” I drop her wrist and wrap my arms around her. “You feel so good. I’ve missed this so much.”
I kiss the side of her neck and bring her in closer, but she pushes me and manages to escape my arms.
