“I’m back in New York. Been back only a few weeks, and this city has always reminded me of you. I walked in here, and here you are. Must be fate.” Yeah, because my mother set me up.
Thankfully a server comes to the counter and puts a large brown paper bag in front of me. She puts the check down, and Jerry grabs it before I can reach for my wallet. I take it from him and hand it back along with my credit card.
“I know you’ve seen my mother. Stop pretending this is a coincidence, fate, or whatever bullshit you want to call it.”
“Let’s have dinner together.” He leans close, invading me with the scent of his familiar cologne.
I stand from my chair and take my bag. “I don’t understand why you’re here, and why you’ve been trying to call me.” He stands too, towering over me. Mother was right, and I was wrong. He’s changed quite a bit. He’s filled out since the last I saw him. His shoulders are broader than I remember, but his smile is the same. It’s the same one I went crazy for, but that was a long time ago. “Where is your fiancée?” I do my best to keep the sneer out of my voice.
He looks surprised by my question, and for a brief moment, he seems embarrassed.
“Yes, Jerry. I received the engagement announcement you so graciously sent me. Remember that?” It was a year to the date of our breakup. “The one with the picture of where you proposed.” He clears his throat, and I can practically see the color rising from his neck to his face.
Jerry took her back to our old school, Duke University, and got on one knee right there in the Duke Gardens. The same place where he first told me he loved me. I always wondered if that was intentional. Did he do that because he planned on sending me his engagement announcement? Part of me still believes that.
“It didn’t work out.” I look at him up and down, offering no comment on his failed engagement. Unlike when I received the announcement, I feel nothing now. Not a twinge of jealousy, anger, or regret. “A lot has happened since I was last in New York. Let’s have dinner together and catch up.”
“I don’t think so. We said all we had to say.”
“I got one chance. That’s what you told me when we got together.”
“Right. That was before you called me a bitch and an ice queen because I didn’t respond the way you wanted to your ultimatum to upend my life and move to Kentucky.” He closes his eyes, but when he opens them, I see a flash of anger. It passes quickly. Jerry never liked to be challenged or questioned.
“We were young and foolish, V. We both said a lot of things we shouldn’t have, but I’ve never stopped thinking about you.” He runs his knuckles along my cheek, and I step back. “You can be an ice queen as long as I’m the one who makes you melt.”
I push his hand off my face, put on my jacket, and walk away, hoping he doesn’t follow me. Once I get outside, I open the Uber app and request a car. Unfortunately, luck isn’t on my side tonight. Jerry follows me outside.
“Look, Vickie—"
“Stop. I’m not interested in going backwards. What did you add in the engagement announcement you sent? I think it was something along the lines of ‘it’s nice to be with someone who’s not made of ice.’”
“That’s not what I said, and you know it. We both said a lot of things back then. And I already told you that Janelle and I broke up.”
My car pulls up, and I approach. “Have a good life, Jerry. You had your one chance.”
He walks with me and holds the door open. “Call me.” He hands me a business card. “My new number is on the back.”
I don’t respond. When he lets go of the door, I close it and look straight ahead. This is it. I’m giving up dating for the indefinite future.
* * *
Darkness stretchesout in my apartment like a blanket. I turn on the light, leave my heels by the door and walk to my kitchen. The quiet is interrupted by my loud hiccup. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and do my best to erase the taste of the wine and that uncomfortable scene with Jerry. I place my food on the table and walk to my bedroom to change. I emerge from my room in a yellow, faded t-shirt. My stomach growls, begging for food. And because this isn’t how I planned the evening, I still want to make it special. So, I light a candle, put my food on my deceased grandmother’s fine China, place it on a tray, take it to my room, and devour my juicy bone-in ribeye. It’s a couple of hours later that I eat the decadent lemon cake and lie back on the bed with a full belly. It’s barely eleven o’clock on a Friday night, and I’m lonely in a cold bed.
My plan was to have a sexual walkabout this year. Just sex. No strings and no relationships, but I’ve learned there are always strings. And as much as I want to deny it to myself, I need a little bit more than just dinner and a drink before taking my clothes off for a man. I need a connection, and I haven’t felt a spark with anyone in a long time.
I didn’t feel anything for Jerry tonight. He’s the first man I ever loved, and it took me a long time to get over him. I had started moving forward when I received his engagement announcement. It’s as if he could sense I was getting over him and sent that announcement to fuck with me. His intentions were to hurt me, and he did, though he’ll never know it. I set the engagement announcement on fire and never looked back.
My phone vibrates on the bed next to me, and I pick it up, expecting my brother or sister, only to be disappointed when I see an unknown number. Assuming it’s spam, I let the phone go to voicemail, and a few seconds later, I’m alerted that I have a new message.
“V, it’s Jerry. Despite how things ended between us, it was nice seeing you tonight. This is my new number. I’d love to take you out to dinner sometime and catch up. A lot has happened since I’ve been away, and I want to tell you all about it.” He lets out a deep breath before he continues. “Sending you that engagement announcement was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done. It’s proof that I never got over you and that my engagement was doomed. Call me.”
I won’t, but I don’t delete the message. Jerry was a lifetime ago. Back when I was young, but not dumb enough to give up what I wanted to follow a man to a place I didn’t want to go to. My entire life is here, and I was not willing to give it up. At least not for Jerry.
THREE
Six hoursafter my mother leaves a voicemail, I decide to listen to it. Whatever she wants, there’s nothing I can do about it now, but I’m sure her phone calls are for fishing purposes. I never called to give her a piece of my mind about Jerry. She’s probably been waiting to hear from me for the past seven days. Jerry’s not worth the effort, and mother doesn’t deserve to know the details after that stunt. Knowing Mother, it might have nothing to do with Jerry. You never know with her. It could be an impromptu invitation to do something in the city. That’s how it always is. At best, she’ll give me a couple of hours' heads up, at worst, she’ll be outside my apartment asking to be let in.
For a busy Friday night, the bathroom at the 40/40 club is surprisingly quiet and empty. Just what I need as I slip into the last stall in the spacious bathroom and press the speaker button on my phone to listen to the voicemail.
