Page 85 of A Darkness So Sweet
And that was the hardest part of this memory. All of Bjorn’s bad luck led right back to Ragnar. It was why they hadn’t spoken for months before he had disappeared.
Maia watched him with a careful expression on her face, like she was trying to figure out the point of this story while also having her heart break for his loss.
“Ragnar?” she asked, her voice a low melody. “Why are you telling me all this?”
“I know what it is to have a memory that has sunk its teeth into you. It’s a wolf with a grip on the back of your neck, shaking you every time you think you can get away from it. This is all very new for you, fire hair. I know that. Rushing you through an experience like this will only make it sink its teeth in even deeper.” He held her a little tighter to remind himself that she was alive. “And perhaps to remind myself that, unlike Bjorn, I did not lose you.”
She smiled, but even that expression was a little weak for her. “I’ll be fine.”
“You keep saying those blasted words, but I fear that you do not believe them.”
“I will be. It’ll just take some time. Time that we maybe don’t have.” But then one of her tiny hands came up and cupped his jaw. He tilted his face into the warmth of her touch, luxuriating in the feeling of her fingers tracing the outline of his lips. “Being with you helps. I know you might not believe that, but it’s true. Just being here, in your arms, chases away the bad thoughts.”
“Good.” He leaned down, his lips so close to hers that he could feel the heat. “I don’t want to push you.”
“I want to remember that I’m alive,” she replied, before kissing him.
Just hearing those words made everything in him ache. Every part of his being wanted to gather her closer, to lunge into her body and worship the very ground she walked on. But first, he wanted to show her one last distraction. One last gift.
He pulled away from her kiss, breathing a little harder than before. “I want to give you a chance to forget all of this. At least for a little while. Do you think we can do that? Together?”
She shuddered against his lips. “I would love nothing more, Ragnar.”
ChapterThirty-Five
MAIA
Maybe it was the wrong choice. Maia shouldn’t try so hard to forget all the blood and gore and terror. She’d seen so many people in battle today. She’d stabbed a man, and it was that memory that stuck in her mind more than the rest. Yes, there was the fear of what that soldier would have done to her if Ragnar hadn’t gotten there. There was still a sting in knowing that her own people referred to her as a troll whore.
But the sensation of the resistance against the blade in her hand? How it had felt like his body fought against her before the sudden pop and release of flesh? The gush of blood and how, after that smallest bit of fight, it had beenso easyto stab him?
Maia had never been a violent person. Even when she’d been younger and those men had made her frightened in her own house, she hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone. She had just wanted them to go away.
Now? She was a little terrified of the woman she was becoming. Because she had wanted to hurt that man. She’d been so capable of lifting that blade and defending herself. The old Maia—the version of herself she was far more comfortable with—would have laid there and let it happen. She would have gone quiet and hoped that if she just checked out of the moment, it would be over soon enough. But she wasn’t that girl now.
Because the wild and wicked creature who had awoken inside her at the first touch of Ragnar’s hands, the one who sometimes felt like a wild beast, had wanted to fight. That person had screamed out in anger that anyone would dare touch her who wasn’t her husband. That was the same part of her who wanted to go back and spit on the man’s dead body.
Maia didn’t know who she was now, and that was equally terrifying. So the opportunity to avoid thinking about any of it? She’d take that in a heartbeat.
At her admission, Ragnar strode toward what looked like a wall of vines. The blueish leaves glowed in the wisp light, but he walked right through them. The ivy tangled in their shoulders for a moment, clinging to them with little cries of loneliness. The vibrant plants hadn’t seen people for a very long time in this part of the mountain. They wanted Maia to linger, but she just wanted to get away for a little while longer.
And then they stepped into another world.
Light blossomed on the other side. A stream of water moved slowly, creating pools of glimmering light that were so bright, they almost outshone the massive mushrooms that grew all around them. Moss covered the ground at their bases, and they were so large, some of them grew taller than her. They created an almost forest-like effect. Some tall, some short, but all of them glowing with an internal light that bloomed throughout their thin skin.
Ragnar walked with her through this enchanting place, all the way to the edge of a pool where steam rose. It was warm here—so warm and cozy that it really accentuated how chilly the rest of the troll kingdom could be.
This man. He gave her gift after gift no matter what they endured. And for once, Maia knew she would make this choice to forget everything that had happened to them. At least for a little while.
Today was gone. Now it was just her and him.
Breathing out a long breath, she stared up at him as he sank onto the moss near the glowing water. “What would you have me do?” he asked.
She didn’t want to talk anymore. Because if she talked, it was all too easy to remember the trauma they had both gone through. His friend. Her people. His people. All the memories were piling up, and she just wanted to stop thinking for a while.
So instead of responding, she wiggled out of his arms. He swung her legs down to the ground and steadied her when she weaved. But then she was right in front of him, staring up at this massive troll who had saved her life, who had been so kind now that he had given in to what they were to each other.
And by all the gods in the realm, she wanted to please him. She wanted him to please her. She wanted her mind to be overwhelmed with all the sensations that only he could give her, and whatever would make her stop thinking for a while.
