He heard her calling out his name over and over, but it was lost in a meaningless babble of incoherent sounds as he pushed her over the edge, and she broke apart with a wail of pleasure. There was no way he could hold on after that and she dragged him along with her.
Every muscle tightened like a bow string and then he was coming, exploding, and her body seemed to welcome it with enthusiasm. Every time she squirmed and writhed it felt like she was milking his shaft, caressing the length of him with little pulsing ripples that sucked the energy out of his body.
He managed a few more awkward thrusts but although he was still half-hard inside of her his muscles were weak and shaking. He collapsed carefully on the bed, pulling her with him so that he could stay inside of her a little longer and maintain that connectedness.
She’d writhed and squirmed so much that she’d ripped the sheets off the bed and now the sheets were lumped uncomfortably underneath them, but he needed a few minutes to recover before he could do anything about it. He felt just as bare and raw as the mattress, as if something had been stripped from him, too.
All the emotions and feelings he’d had for this girl since they were kids had boiled up and in the moment of completion, he’d felt like she belonged to him completely. His. His woman, his brat, his little girl—his everything. He wanted to hold onto that as long as he could while he spooned her.
There was too much going on in his head to sort through it all, but one thing he knew for sure was that thissometimesrelationship they had was never going to be enough for him. He wanted all of her and he knew she wanted him, too. He was just going to have to help her get rid of some baggage so she could admit it.
First though he was going to have to find the energy to get up, get rid of the condom, and fix the bed so they could sleep. He sighed and put it off for a few more minutes, spooning her in his arms and letting the peaceful moment draw out.
Chapter 8
Charlie yawned and snuggled back against him, a little chilly and wishing she could reach the blankets, but in no hurry to move. Her body was still jumping with tiny aftershocks every time she shifted, and when he finally slid out of her and began to pull away, she couldn’t help the noise of complaint that escaped.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, chuckling.
By the time he’d returned she was sitting up and looking at the bed in confusion. “How did we manage to pull it apart like this?”
“We? Oh no, Charlie. This was all you.” He laughed and shook his head when she stuck out her tongue at him. “Not my fault you couldn’t stay still.”
“It absolutelywasyour fault,” she corrected him as she sighed and got up to help him fix it, pausing to stretch first. It was a lot of work getting all the sheets and blankets back on. Somehow, she’d even managed to pull one of the pillowcases off and they found it on the far side of the bed. She couldn’t quite believe she’d done all of it alone, but then she’d been too caught up in the moment to be paying much attention.
A quick clean up and then she was back in his arms, curled up under the blanket and relaxing. Her heart was still thumping a little faster than usual but the rest of her felt relaxed and languid. She was tired but not really sleepy, not yet. They ended up talking and for the first time she was willing to entertain the idea of them as a couple.
She wanted more nights like this. The play, the sex, and then these peaceful after moments where she could feel perfectly safe in his arms. It was enticing and she thought about telling him that she’d give it a try. But between one word and the next she was asleep, and she never got the chance, which was just as well as it turned out.
She woke up before dawn with a sudden burst of nightmare fueled adrenaline that had her sitting up before she even realized she was awake. The room was still dark, and Sam was snoring softly on his side with his back to her. For a second, she could almost remember what the dream was about.
The panicked sense of loss as she was abandoned by the one she loved was vivid, but all she had left was fragments. The more she tried to remember, the further away they drifted until all that remained was feelings. It left her too anxious to sleep and she quietly slipped out of bed, got dressed, and left.
Full of restless energy she continued her home improvements, but the painting left her too much time to think, and even the music blasting out of the ancient stereo system couldn’t stop her thoughts from circling back around to her and Sam.
Leaving his bed before dawn felt like a step back. She knew Sam would see it that way too, but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t know why she started to get scared every time she gave in a little bit.
It wasn’t a new thing, though it had been a while since she’d had a problem with nightmares and the last time those had rolled around, she’d ended up in therapy. That had been a good thing and she didn’t regret it. Her anxiety was so much better now that she knew how to deal with it, but she was really hoping it didn’t get that bad again.
She’d always been an anxious kid, a ball of nerves from the first day of school. And feeling trapped around Sam wasn’t new either. She’d felt it way back when they used to date. It was just that it had been easier to hide it then when they were sneaking around trying not to get caught. There’d always been perfectly good reasons for her to scoot out and head home when she started feeling squirrely, so she’d never needed to tell Sam what was going on.
And she didn’t intend to now. She wouldn’t even know where to start. She had absolutely no reason to think he was going to abandon her. He wasn’t the one who’d broken it off last time; that had been all her decision.
It was the feeling of being trapped in a situation she couldn’t control that did it, and that made no sense because she loved being under his control. Just… not permanently. She loved the bite-size sessions of Dominance and the way Sam took charge made her melt in her boots, but when she thought about committing to a relationship with him things went sideways.
She didn’t blame him for being confused by the way she waffled all over the place. She was, too. She’d offered him the right to punish her, without even the safety of a word to stop it, and she still wanted that—but she still had control there. All she had to do to avoid his wrath was just not deliberately irritate the hell out of him. It wouldn’t even be that hard…well, some days.
And maybe that was it. She was able to set neat little limits around their interactions. Act up when she wanted discipline, go to his house when she wanted sex—it was easy and uncomplicated. There were definitely benefits to a loose arrangement like that.
So why was leaving his bed so hard? Why did she think about him constantly throughout the day? What made her jump on June for no reason just after seeing her and Sam laughing together by the barn? She didn’t, for one second, think he was interested in the much-older woman, but when she’d seen the easy camaraderie between the two of them, she’d been hit by a sudden surge of possessiveness. It had set her to looking for a reason to yell at June, a woman she’d always gotten along well with before. It was stupid and embarrassing.
In her frustration she slapped the roller into the pan hard enough to splash and had to jump back to avoid getting splattered. She sighed loudly and crouched down to wipe up the drips before she ended up tracking paint across the old wood floor.
She’d overreacted and made a fool out of herself. She just hoped it wasn’t obvious to everyonewhyshe’d been upset. That would be mortifying, and worse it would expose far too much of what she was feeling.
An hour later she stood back and eyed her work with a critical glance. The idea of getting rid of some of the restless energy on renovations had seemed smart in theory, but in practice it meant she’d done a terrible job. It took her longer to clean up the little mistakes on the trim and floor than it had to actually paint the wall. She sighed.
“Well, this was a bad idea. And now I’m talking to myself. Great.” She let out another sigh as she considered whether it would be worth trying to press on. In the end she decided to throw in the towel and set herself the task of cleaning up and putting everything away for a day when she was feeling a little more with it.
