“Sam, I meant what I said this morning. Last night was a mistake. I’m going through too much right now to really want to discuss the future anyway. I just want to cram half a pizza into my face and then curl up in front of the television to watch some mindless violence until I get sleepy.” She was well aware that her voice had taken on a pleading tone.
He sighed; one hand went up to rub the back of his neck. “You know you can’t avoid this forever.”
“That’s whatyouthink.” She turned and headed up the stairs with the over-sized box.
“You sure you don’t want company? Maybe share some of that pizza?” he asked, in a gentler tone and for a second she was tempted. Maybe they could just eat and watch TV like friends. It would be nice to have some company in the house.
But would she be able to keep her hands off of him if he was sitting right next to her? Probably not. “No thanks, maybe another night,” she called over her shoulder as she went inside.
Three slices of pizza later she was stuffed but still seriously considering trying to fit in a fourth slice. She’d forgotten how good the local place was and the inch of cheese on top was decadent. She’d turned the television to one of the premium channels and was quickly caught up in something with ridiculous car chases and the occasional explosion. It didn’t have much plot to speak of, but it was exciting enough to keep her from thinking and that was all that mattered.
It was later that she started to have second thoughts and doubts. As it grew dark the house seemed to get quieter and when she turned off the television the silence was too much. She put on the stereo, tuning in to a country station and turning it down low enough that it was a comfortable background hum she’d be able to sleep through—in theory.
In practice sleep was hard to reach. She tossed and turned in the twin bed and when she reached for her stuffed bunny to cuddle, she realized with a start that he was gone! A quick search of the room turned up nothing and then she remembered—she’d brought him with her to Sam’s house. Mister Hop had been left behind in her early morning escape.
She told herself that she didn’t need to sleep with a stuffed animal, and if she did there were others. A whole shelf full of battered old friends were available to keep her company. But none of those were Mister Hop. Her father had given her the bunny just after her mom left and it had immediately and forever become her best friend.
And there was an insidious little voice inside of her telling her that retrieving him was the perfect reason to go see Sam. All the strength had gone out of her earlier convictions when it got dark and the loneliness set in. The back and forth was driving her crazy, so she could only imagine how irritating Sam would find it if she did it again.
Nope, there was no way she was going to put either of them through that again. Not a chance.
Except that ten minutes later she found herself making her way across the ranch, listening to the sounds of crickets and the occasional toad who shut up when she passed. It was a peaceful night and a nearly full moon lit her way from a cloudless sky. She absolutely didn’t want to think about how romantic that might be and tried to tell herself she was just going to pick up the rabbit, but when she got to his house and knocked on the door he didn’t answer.
She rapped again, louder, wondering if he’d gone to bed already. When he didn’t answer, she let herself in the unlocked door and found no one home. A surge of disappointment hit her so hard it was physically painful.
“You’re just here for Mister Hop anyway!” she reminded herself out loud sternly. She didn’t really believe that, but since it was her excuse, she began looking for the stuffy. She found him in the bedroom, settled on the neatly made bed like he belonged there, and she snatched him up and refused to even consider why that might be.
She stood there in his bedroom, clutching a stuffed animal to her chest and suddenly felt incredibly needy. Wherever Sam was, he hadn’t gone far with his car outside and that meant he could be back at any minute. Getting out of there before that happened was the smart thing to do. Instead she sat down on the edge of his bed to wait for him.
As the minutes stretched out into an hour, she began to get tired and several times she was on the verge of getting up to go. Only the fact that he’d know she’d been there when he saw the rabbit was gone kept her from leaving. She ended up curled on her side, facing the door waiting, and at some point, she fell asleep.
“Charlie? What are you doing here?”
She sat up in a panic. Her heart was racing from a bad dream that was already drifting away when she saw the large figure looming in the doorway. Backlit from the living room he was little more than a silhouette and for a second, with the remnants of the nightmare clinging to her she imagined him as some terrible monster.
The look of terror on her face sent him hurrying over to the bed. “Hey, you’re okay, Charlie. It’s just me,” he assured her as he scooped her up in his arms.
She stiffened, struggling to escape but then everything clicked. She was in Sam’s house, in his bed and she was safe. “I’m sorry,” she blurted as her body softened in his lap and she clung to him. “I was having a bad dream.”
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here.”
He didn’t ask why she was in his bed. He didn’t lecture her on entering his house when he wasn’t home either, though she was sure that would come up later. He just held her and there was almost no talking at all until she finally calmed down.
It felt so comfortable in his lap that she didn’t want to get up. Not even the embarrassment of realizing she was still clutching the toy as he held her made her move, but she did feel like she should explain. “I just came to get Mist…my rabbit and you weren’t here.” She interrupted herself just in time to avoid using the embarrassing name, and she was glad he couldn’t see her face at the moment because she could feel how hot her cheeks were.
His nod was punctuated by a yawn half-way through. “Just out checking on Sally Ride, one of the pregnant mares. She’s showing signs of labor soon and it’s her first, so I’m keeping a close eye on her.” He shifted her in his arms, settling her on the bed and then he stretched out beside her with his arms crossed behind his head.
It seemed natural to snuggle close and rest her head on his chest. The soothing thump-thump of his heart was far more relaxing than any of her breathing exercises could ever be. Her eyes began to drift closed and it was tempting to let herself sleep there.
“I should go,” she mumbled.
“Probably. But you might as well stay.”
She sighed and wiggled against his body. “I don’t really feel like walking back in the dark.” It wasn’t the real reason, but it satisfied her pride enough that she gave up the idea of leaving. She stayed and this time when he woke up in the morning she was still there, but the sound of his shower woke her, and she slipped out while he was still in the bathroom.
It started a habit. Some nights she would stay home in the big empty house, but most nights she would find an excuse to head over to see him. About half the time they ended up doing more than cuddling and it was exciting to take a walk down the kinky paths of her memories with his inventive little bedroom games.
She hadn’t known she was setting a limit, but from that night it was clear that things only happened at his house. He didn’t go to hers unless it was about business and when he did, he remembered to knock and wait for her to come to the door. She kept him standing outside while they talked, in plain view of anyone walking by and she knew it irritated him, but it also served as a boundary.
