Page 83 of King of Hearts
Pup was right. Felicity was right. Even the boys were right and I’d been too stubborn to notice or care.
I let the best thing that had ever happened to me waltz out of my life without giving her an opportunity to explain. And the editorial which she did submit, was fucking magnificent. A testament to the brilliance of her prowess as an author, but also, to her observations and conclusions of our club. And I didn’t even give it the time of day.
Fuck.
I was an idiot. A fool. An arrogant selfish prick. And now that I knew the truth behind what could only be described as a colossal fuck up, the anger, frustration and loneliness could exclusively be directed at myself.
Reaching for my phone I saw it was just after two in the morning and knew there was no possibility, after everything I had already done, that I could wake her to – I don’t know – apologise, atone, beg, grovel? In seven painfully long days there was so much carnage and destruction which could have been avoided. My own stupidity and inability to see beyond my past hurt and navigate away from the maze of mirrors, which were just a bunch of distorted media constructed lies, destroyed everything we had. Even Mum loved her and despite her initial reluctance, had set aside her own issues with the media to plan a bloody engagement which seemed ridiculous at the time, but significant in the scheme of things. And now she was leaving. Moving interstate because of my lunacy.
The residual notes of realisation and regret permeated the apartment and I knew I had little chance of sleeping.
It was time to quell the martyr act and grow the fuck up which started with owning my mistakes. For so long I had allowed past bitterness to determine my decisions and it had gotten me nowhere. I couldn’t keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.
It was time to sort this mess. Sort out my life and perhaps acknowledge that deep-seated anger was not only oppressive, but it had filtered the way I saw the world for long enough. It was time to let it go. To stop letting the past hurt impact any relationships moving forward. Starting with the most important one in my life.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Arna
“Paul, I really appreciatemostof the things you’ve done for me. You’ve been a gem.” I hugged him, smiling knowingly. “Again, this does NOT mean we are dating.” I laughed as he sat down, a reciprocal grin on his face as he re-connected his headphones.
“I know. I have a date tonight. You and I can’t be together.”
“What?” I said, the pride clear in my tone. “You’re finally going to meet yourHuntress?”
He nodded and I smiled as a warmth settled in my chest. Given some of the uncomfortable moments we had shared over the last couple of years, I was sad to leave.
“Won’t be the same around here without you, Arna.” He replied and I scoffed.
“Oh, please. You’ll have a new roommate within the week.” I headed for the door, turning for one last look at the place I spent most of my time trying to get away from, yet was now oddly going to miss.
“I don’t just mean the flat, Arns.” He said quietly, resuming his online game, obviously not wanting to prolong any form of emotional goodbye. We would keep in touch and while most of the time we lived together I avoided him out of fear he might overstep, I was happy to realise I would probably visit him when in Sydney.
“She is going to love you. Just don’t assume you’re getting married after one dinner. You’re thoughtful and kind, Paul. Be yourself.” I said, closing the door on that chapter and heading out to Dad, who was lifting the last of my suitcases into the car where Queeny and Marls were already buckled in waiting.
“Would you hurry, Bellsy, traffic might add time.” Dad whined, his time anxieties clearly at play.
“Dad, I just checked online and there is literally no traffic. We will be there with three hours to spare and domestic travel only mandates one hour.”
“An accident only takes a second, Bells, but adds an hour.” He sighed as if I was a lost cause to understanding this while I sank into the backseat with Marlee.
“I thoughtyouwere picking me up.” I grumbled, taking the coffee from her outstretched hand.
“And haveusmiss out on seeing you off?” Queeny said from the front. “I don’t think so.”
I rolled my eyes as Marlee snickered next to me before tapping her coffee cup against my own in silent solidarity.
“I’m moving toMelbourne, guys, not Antarctica. It’s literally a one-hour flight and I will be in Sydney every four weeks, for the entire weekend, with no place to stay. You will all be seeing me. A lot.”
“We’re going to miss you, though.” Marlee said, which was the catalyst for Queeny to begin blubbering about why I should not be moving interstate because of some “strapping young lad with achiselled jawline and a twinkle in his eye”.Ha! I agree, Queeny, but this was one who ripped my heart out and spat on it like nobody’s business.
“But, Nan, it’s a job opportunity I can’t pass up. This has nothing to do with Andrew.”
“Oh, it’sAndrewnow?” Nan turned to roll her eyes at Marlee who giggled into her coffee before grimacing at me apologetically. I ignored them, instead looking out the window as we moved through the city streets with ease, despite the traffic Dad claimed would surely be here but was – surprise, surprise – not.
It was less than ten minutes later that we were pulling into the carpark at the airport, the car silent after Queeny finally recuperated from her mass of tears, and I was almost sad that there hadn’t been traffic after all.
I was not one for goodbyes.
