Page 20 of My Fiancé's Brother
“So talk to me when Kurt Browning moves into your guest bedroom.”
She started laughing. “I can’t argue that logic. I would be a mess. A complete wreck.”
“Look I'm not saying that I have full-blown, hockey player passion, but I can feel it starting, and I can’t go there. I love Matt.”
“Look, show me a cross-section of a hundred thousand women across America, and I would bet every single one of them has a little secret hanky spanky in her pocket for some guy, whether it is the mailman or the Chinese food delivery kid. It’s normal.”
“Really?”
“You gonna act on it?”
“No!”
“Well, then just accept that by getting married to Matt this is going to be one of the first of many happy fantasies for you in your marriage.”
“Beth,” I moaned, laughing.
“Besides hot guy would be lucky to get someone like you to crush on him from afar. You kind of missed your calling as a stalker.”
“Beth!”
We were both laughing when we hung up.
It alarmedme how many times Jackson popped into my head during the day. I talked to people, I helped set up an exhibition, and I stepped out for a sandwich with my co-worker, but intense flashbacks of Jackson’s warm hands on my hips kept coming back to me. I needed to gain a level of control over myself. I vowed to stop thinking about him.
This was just an old pattern of mine rearing its head. My therapist used to tell me that the only reason why I had these monster crushes versus actually having a real live relationship with a guy was that it was safe. I could live in a fantasy world about them whereeverything was perfect and I never actually had to deal with the realities of a relationship. It was all fantasy, and she had repeatedly challenged me on that fact. Didn’t I want truth more than fantasy? Fantasies were safe. And I had a lot of control in my head.
But who is to say that reality is better? I mean, Matt was real. He was real life. And that came along with a lot more issues than my fantasies. Like the hockey player had told me he was too busy working. Hockey player never forgot to call, and he never got too busy. He had been the perfect boyfriend in my mind while he lasted.
I took a deep breath. Matt may not be perfect, but he was my fiancé. This is where I should be putting my attention. Just because there were a few bumps along the way was no excuse to start daydreaming about someone else. Matt was everything I wanted in a husband. We were going to get married, and everything was going to be great. I would have my family. Besides there was nothing safe about Jackson and any extracurricular thoughts about him were wildly inappropriate.
Matt calledan hour before my shift was over.
“Matt,” I said, stepping into an empty office.
“So you met the infamous Jackson.”
I pressed the phone to my ear, my voice low. “Why didn’t you tell me that you invited him to stay with us?”
“It slipped my mind,” his voice instantly traced with defensiveness.
“It’s fine,” I said hastily. Matt hated criticism. “I was just caught off guard.”
“He’s not going to be a bother.”
“I know,” I rushed. “I just…I mean, you never really mentioned him.”
Silence crackled between us. “Jackson grew up with me.”
That confused me. “What do you mean? He’s a childhood friend, right?”
“No, I mean, he lived with my family.”
I blinked in shock. Matt had always maintained that he was an only child. He had regaled countless stories about his family life, but he had never mentioned Jackson before. “What? For how long?”
“For about 11 years. On and off.”
“What? You never told me this!”
