Page 131 of My Fiancé's Brother
He moved so quick. He spun me around. His mouth came down on mine. Hot. Savage. Wild. I moaned into his mouth and wrapped my arms around his thick neck. Why did it feel like every time he touched me, I was coming in from the cold? My hands grabbedfingers full of his hair. He immobilized me against the truck. His mouth. It was everywhere. On my neck. On my shoulder. My lips. I couldn't think I was so turned on. All I could do was hang on and feel.
He lifted me up and my legs automatically wrapped around his waist while his mouth continued to assault me. My skirt bunched up around my waist. His glorious hard body, his excitement, and his arousal only fueled my own.
He shifted beneath me, and then the rasp of his zipper. His hard fullness butted up against the thin fabric of my underwear. He reached one hand between my legs and with a strong tug my panties tore from my hips.
One powerful thrust buried him into me. Beautiful sensations coursed through my entire body. He stood there and breathed hard against my neck. I was pinned, literally pinned, up against the truck, impaled on him.
He raised his head. His eyes locked with my own as he spoke, “I wish I wanted what you wanted.”
I panted. Dizzy. Out of my mind with lust. He grabbed the back of my hair and pulled my head back roughly. I stared back at him in a daze.
“I want you to have everything you ever dreamed of. Do you understand?"
I didn't. I didn't understand what he said to me. None of this made sense. He stared at me, anger and desire written all over his face. And then, finally, he thrust into me. Hard. Up against his big black truck. It felt so incredible, so fulfilling that I could only hang on and moan.
Like everything Jackson, he moved with power and endurance. My entire body got tighter and tighter. I fought my orgasm, but I could only hang on so long. I let out a long, peeled cry. He stilled and watched my face as my entire body shuddered in ecstasy around him. We remained there for a long moment, both of us breathing hard. His hardness still buried in me.
“I don’t want a family or commitment,” he said against my lips, without kissing me. “But Matt does.”
His words stabbed me in the heart.
“Jackson.”
“You should marry him,” he said, without expression on his face. “He’s a good guy.”
He was still rock hard and hadn't yet come. He pulled out of me and lifted me down onto shaking legs. I brushed my skirt down, needing a moment to compose myself. The moment had come. I needed to tell him that he was going to be a father. I took a deep breath.
“Please let me talk to you.”
He looked at me for a long moment, and then he said in a clear voice. “I’m not what you want, and I'm not someone you can fix.”
My mouth dropped open. I watched as he climbed into his truck. Without looking at me, he backed up and then peeled away.
On shaking legs,I walked up to the penthouse. In my heart, I knew that he would not come back here. Jackson was gone.
The sense of loss crushed me so hard that it felt like someone had died. Numb, I sat on the couch in the dark for hours and willed him to walk through the door. But he didn’t. Eventually, I staggered to his guest room and crawled into his bed. I could faintly smell him in the bed, and the familiar scent overwhelmed me on every level. Clutching his pillow around my waist, I wanted to, but I couldn’t cry.
Jackson wasn’t coming back. There was a black hole in my chest. This feeling destroyed me more than when my parents had been murdered. This darkness and pain pierced sharper than when my granny had died. I wasn’t sure I would survive the night. How was it possible that a human being could endure this much loss?
Jackson. I knew from the moment my heart had turned towards this man that this would only end in devastation, but I had beenpowerless to stop myself. Like a plant that faces towards the sun, I had been unable to resist him. I had thought that I knew what losing him would be like. I had attempted to mentally and emotionally prepare myself. I had thought that the small amount of time I had been given with him would be worth the pain in the long run. I had never been more wrong about anything in my life.
He was wrong for me on so many levels, but my heart wanted what my heart wanted. And now, stupidly, my heart would never be the same again.
I debated calling him and telling him about the baby, but his words stopped me. He didn't want what I wanted. He had been clear in letting me know that it was over between us. I needed to accept this and move forward.
CHAPTER 48
For three days,I stayed away from the hospital. I didn’t take calls. I didn’t answer texts. I dragged myself through the motions of sustaining my life by eating and sleeping and keeping Chloe alive, but that was all I was able to manage. I slept for hours at a time, and the rest of my waking time I just sat.
Everything up to this point caught up with me. Everything stressful and bad had been pushed to the background because Jackson had been there to cushion the fall. He had countered everything with his strength and his protective nature, and somehow nothing had been insurmountable. Now, I stood alone and faced an impending hurricane, but my house had disappeared on me. Without Jackson in the background, I felt exposed and unsure of myself.
I determinedI needed to come clean to Matt. I needed to end our engagement. I wanted to be brave and tell him that it was over for good. But there never seemed to be a good time to have that talk. So we pretended that everything was fine. My heart hurt so much thatmy instinct was to hide that pain. In doing so, I carried on like everything was fine. I wanted to be truthful, but the effort was so monumental, I instead busied my mind with the final details of the wedding.
It shocked me how easy it was to pretend. Each moment that ticked away brought us closer to our wedding day.
Thoughts, weird bad thoughts, repeated in my mind. Could I marry Matt? Jackson had ripped my heart out of my chest, so I felt numb. Did it matter one way or another if I married Matt? On an emotional level, I couldn't determine if it would be better for me to marry Matt or to end it.
What if I told Matt that he and I had slept together? He had no memory of the last five months. This baby could be passed off as his.
