Page 105 of My Fiancé's Brother
I shook my head. “Irene is right. I could've prevented this.”
“Emily."
I dropped my eyes from his beautiful face.
Days slowly ticked by.They allowed us to see Matt for only five minutes at a time. We alternated between sitting beside his bed and waiting in the waiting room. I didn’t speak. To anyone. In turn,Jackson forced us to go home to rest, eat and shower but there was always one of us at the hospital.
Irene and I made up. She apologized for her outburst. I apologized for not doing more to help Matt. We were on speaking terms, but instead of turning to each there for support, we just endured our feelings of fear and pain by ourselves.
My entire body, wracked with guilt, resulted in a tight chest and an upset stomach. My throat felt like it was going to close in on me. I wasn’t hungry, but I was exhausted all the time. All I wanted to do was sleep a hundred years, but instead, we spent all our time sitting, trying to stay awake in that awful little waiting room. Even if Irene had apologized, she was right. I had been there watching Matt morph into someone I didn’t recognize seemingly overnight. And his rash and outrageous behavior had caused the accident. I think we all felt guilty about missing the symptoms. But there was no excuse for what I did with Jackson. I had allowed myself to develop monstrous feelings for Jackson and the first chance I got, I had slept with him. If that didn’t make me a horrible person, I don’t know what did.
CHAPTER 37
I drovewith Jackson back to the hospital after managing to get a couple of hours of rest. With my shower and a fresh change of clothes, I almost felt human. We pulled into the hospital parking lot that felt way too familiar. How strange that in six days this hospital and surrounding area had become our new reality.
Jackson turned off the truck and looked over at me.
“Emily, how are you doing?”
I stared unseeing out the front of the windshield. “I’m fine.”
“Be honest with me. Don’t bullshit me.”
I turned and looked at him. “You want to know how I feel? I feel guilty for being the worst partner in the world.”
“You don’t have anything to feel guilty about.”
“I cheated on him.”
“You can’t cheat on someone after they dump you. He had just admitted to sleeping with your friend and then he told you, in front of me, that it was over between the two of you.”
“That wasn’t his fault. That was his weird brain tumor’s fault. What’s my excuse?” my eyes filled with tears. “What’s my excuse for sleeping with you?”
“You tell me.”
I looked at him in disbelief, and my voice was incredulous. “What?”
“Why did you sleep with me?”
“Just because I have feelings for you does not justify me cheating on Matt.”
He went completely still. “What feelings?”
I gave a half laugh that sounded more like a sob. “Don’t act like this is a surprise to you. Everyone knew. Julie all but announced it to the world.”
“That was real?”
Oh shit. I froze.
Jackson looked stunned. “You have feelings for me?”
Humiliation washed over me. I ripped open the door of the truck and started to run across the parking lot. I thought my feelings were transparent enough for the entire world to see. How was this news? I was in love with Jackson. What did he think I was feeling? Did he think that we had only ended up in bed because I was feeling a bit revengeful? How could I have felt so much for him, felt so special around him and shared my body with him and he didn’t even realize how I felt?
A hand grabbed my arm and spun me around. He was breathing hard, looking down at me.
“What?” I yelled.
“Why are you running?” he sounded pissed.
