There’s no way that new shit had me so high that I cleaned my room, did it? My room is the one place that I let the demons take over, so it tends to be a mess.
I turn around and head to the living room, noting that my art room door is closed. Everything looks the same out here.Blowing out a breath, I contemplate taking a shower or waiting to do it later after I spend time sanding down a new project. I look around for my phone so I can see how much time I have. I spot it on the counter in the kitchen.
When did I put it in there?
Picking it up, I have a missed text from Noah reminding me I promised to spend time with Lily tonight. I also have two messages from Shane.
Blue: I don’t know what I walked in on, but I don’t like how worn out you looked. You fell asleep so fast that I was afraid to leave your side. I stayed as long as I could, but I couldn’t miss the morning meeting for the game today.
Blue: I’ve already added you to my list for tickets so give the person at the ticket booth your name and they’ll print it out for you. Please come. I’m worried about you. Bring Lily and Noah too. Just…please be there tonight. Have a good day, beautiful.
I thought I dreamt of him being here last night. He must have been the one to clean my room.
I scroll up to reread his texts from earlier this week. I feel bad that he’s worried about me when he should be concentrating on hockey.
He shouldn’t be wasting his time on me, I’ll only let him down like I do everyone else.
I don’t want to have to shower twice in one day so instead I go back to my room to change. As I’m pulling my shirt over my head, I notice blood on the hem. I look down and see dried blood streaks on my inner thigh.
Oh shit. Did Shane see it?
I sit on my floor to get a closer look. I didn’t go too deep. It looks like I just didn’t clean it up afterward. Looking at the side of my bicep that touches my ribs I see two bright red welts. Imust have left the joint on one of them for longer than the other because it has raised edges like I was digging into my arm with it.
I don’t remember doing any of it. Pete sold me some good shit that in combination with the pills I took, had my head in a blissful daze.
Love the feeling of nothingness.
Standing back up, I pull on a pair of sweatpants that’s draped over my desk chair and a black hoodie. I lift the collar over my nose and suck in a deep breath trying to get even the slightest hint of him, but there’s nothing there but my musk since I haven’t done laundry.
My phone starts ringing with Katy Perry as I’m leaving my room.
“Hey, Lily.”
“Good, almost afternoon Jax!”
Rolling my eyes I grab my bag from the floor, slide on my Vans, and walk out the door.
“What are you up to tonight?” She asks.
“I’m not sure. If you still want to hang out, you can come to my place.”
I hear her let out a disappointed breath as I get in the elevator.
“Charlie, you can’t keep living like this. You’ve hardly left your house besides going to class. I let you have your space after your birthday because I knew you needed it, but that was four days ago. You’ve never gone this long before. What’s going on?”
I can hear the worry in her voice, and I hate myself a little more.
As I step outside, the cool fall breeze hits me in the face. I head toward my first class as I pull my hood over my head.
“I can come over tonight but I’m not the best company right now, Lily. I’ll probably say something I don’t mean so I can leave. And I really don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“Oh Charlie, you could never ruin our friendship. You’re stuck with me like slime stuck in your hair. The only way to get rid of me is by cutting me out, which we both know you’ll never do because I’ll camp in your living room until you come to your senses.”
The scary thing about all of that is that she’s telling the truth. I tried to distance myself from her before she found out how much of a mess I was, but she walked into my house like she owned it and didn’t leave my room for the week of spring break. If she was a guy my father wouldn’t have let her into our house but because she’s a gorgeous woman, my father let her do as she pleased. I’m pretty sure he thought we were hooking up which is the only reason why he never questioned why she was there all week. Too bad for him because that was the week that I came out to Lily. We spent most of the week watching Sons of Anarchy and drooling over Charlie Hunnam.
“Oh wait! A certain someone invited me to the hockey home opener tonight and he just so happened to have three seats available. Now doesn’tthatsound like more fun than sitting around my apartment?”
I can practically see her bouncing on her toes in excitement. She knows as much as I do about sports, which is next to nothing. She’s as extroverted as they come and loves being around people and having a good time regardless of where she is.
