She laughs again and the sound makes me smile. I miss her.
“Yeah, we’re in the middle of a heat wave. We have more wind here in San Francisco, so I think it’s a little better… It should cool off in a few days,after the heavy rain hits at the end of the week.”
Rain. At least that’s something I know and I’ve been used to for the last few months. I can deal with the rain. Probably much better than with that insufferable heat.
“I’ve been thinking, maybe you guys could come to San Francisco for a few days soon! I’ll send George to his parents with the kids and we can have at least one night together, like in university.”
She seems so excited that my stomach twists when I realize that I’m going to say no.
Traveling with Jack is always a little complicated. The plane is tiring and staying in the car too long hurts him a lot. As we just moved from Seattle to here, he’ll need a few weeks if not more before he can travel again. And even then, we’ll have to do it all over again after a few days to come back here.
“I’m not sure Jack will be able to stay in the car for that long…” I admit. “But I’ll ask him, and we’ll figure something out.”
There’s a pause and I’m holding my breath. We haven’t seen each other in a while. In fact, I think the last time, she was pregnant with the twins.
“Oh, yes. Sure. You’re right! Actually, maybe I’ll come by for a weekend or something.”
“Really?” I ask, relieved. “That would be amazing.”
“Of course! I know how difficult it is for you guys. I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much as I should have.”
“What? No, you have nothing to be sorry about—”
“Of course I have! You’re my best friend! You shouldn’t have to be alone in this. It’s bad enough that your own family is shit… I told you when I had Eric that it wouldn’t change anything and that I would always find time for you. And I’ve failed. Miserably.”
“Nuri, you didn’t—”
She closes her eyes and clicks her tongue loudly a few times, shushing me. “I’ll move things around and I’ll come by in a few weeks for a whole weekend. It’ll be just like old times.”
I sigh with a smile. I don’t think she realizes how good it feels to hear that. For years, she’s always been the only friend I ever managed to keep. She’s the extrovert that decided one day that I was going to behers. Her weird introverted friend,her person.
I miss her. So much.
“Alright, I need to hop in the elevator, I’m late for work… Again.”
“What?” I gasp. “You’re never late!”
“Oh god,” she chuckles, “you should see me now… I’m always late, it’s a nightmare. Anyway, I’ll text you soon to tell you when I’ll come visit.”
“Alright, good luck with work.”
I hang up and lean back on the back of the bench with a long exhale.
Maybe I can convince Jack that this place is not for us. We could go to San Francisco… It’s still California, and maybe I wouldn’t feel so alone there.
I fall ten minutes later on the same bench. That’s it. No more running. Why do I even run? Jack doesn’t need me anymore, I don’t care if my cardio and back strength decreases. If he falls, he’ll always have someone else to help him back up. If his electric wheelchair malfunctions, there will always be someone to push him around.
But not me.
Because he doesn’t want me to help him.
Is he seeing me as the old bookcase too?
I groan and turn my face to the side to watch the people around in the park. They probably think I’m a total lunatic, laying down on a bench every ten minutes, face red and whole body drenched in sweat.
I see a woman pushing a stroller, with three kids running around her, laughing and yelling. Carefree. She doesn’t look anything like the kids. Is she the nanny? Maybe she’s secretly sleeping around with the kids’ father behind their mother’s back. Maybe the mother is a horrible person, or a celebrity always traveling and neglecting her family. Her kids might even love the nanny more than her. Or maybe it’s the opposite… She’s sleeping with the mother while the husband keeps coming home late because of “work”. The mother keeps saying that she’ll leave him and they will run off together, with the kids. They don’t need him, anyway. Maybe he, too, is an old bookcase.
I see a group of people doing some complex yoga poses in front of what looks to be their teacher. They all cover their bags with some kind of towels. Maybe they all pretend to be healthy and gluten free and all this shit, but hide the most outrageously sugary drinks and bags of junk food in their bags to keep up appearances. They preach a healthy lifestyle but secretly stuff their faces with chocolate, chips, and loads of bread.
