I need to go to the hospital. I need to make some changes on things I’ve asked for when I decided I wanted to die. I need… There is too much to do. I need moretime.
“—need to hold onmon amour—getting Prue—Hold on—”
Hold on. I need to hold on.
47
COLD
Nuri: Nate called me.
Nuri: I’m jumping on the plane, I’ll land around noon.
Nuri: Please, hold on.
Nuri: Tell him to hold on.
PRUDENCE
Jack signed a DNR two years ago. None of us knew.
He died from a heart failure caused by a pulmonary embolism at 1:48p.m, on October 9th. Because of the L.A traffic, Nuri didn’t make it in time.
The doctors took him away some time ago, but none of us can move. And I’m cold. So, so cold in this suddenly dark world.
48
RUN AWAY
Amy: I’m sorry I won’t be here for the funeral.
Amy: My doctors advised against flying, as my pregnancy is considered high risk.
Amy: I’m really sorry for your loss. I wish we hadmore time to reconnect.
PRUDENCE
My hand tightens around Nate’s way larger one.
Anchor me, please, anchor me,I say with this simple action.
It’s been 5 days.
5 nights that I haven’t been able to sleep. 5 days that I haven’t been able to get out of bed. 5 days since the oldest light in my life has died out, replaced by a thick dark fog.
I don’t know if Nate has moved my things as I haven’t left Jack’s bed for some time now. The mattress occasionally dips with Nuri, Evie, Ikram, or Nate’s weight when they come to hold and mourn with me.
I don’t think I can do it.
“Prudence,” Nate’s soft voice says.
I open my eyes.
People wearing black clothes and dark faces are staring at me.Not many people, I think.Important people, the other side of my brain adds.
Ikram and his whole family are standing right behind me. I can hear him try and fail to hold his sobs. His mother’s hand is placed softly on my shoulder. I don’t even know this woman, and yet, she mourns him with me like she’s known us all her life. I’m sure she’s lovely. Maybe I’ll have the strength to look at her one day and not crumble to the floor thinking of the kindness she’s shown us when we were only strangers.
Evie’s silent tears are running down her face, her hands fumbling with the stem of the flower. I don’t think she’s ever been just a personal care worker. I might have fooled myself for a whole week, but she dug her way into ourhearts from the moment her smiling face and happy personality burst into our lives.
